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Can someone explain to me how my husband was able to get category A IIOC on the internet. I may seem a bit dumb, but I have found out my husband who I have known for 10 years has a porn addiction and has had for about 30 years.
What exactly is the dark web and do you need to belong to some dodgy group to download these images. Also what is encrypted messages and again, how easy are they to get. He said his images automatically shared. Is this possible? Surely if this was the case the police would be able to get access to them and catch the people downloading it.
He hid his secret for 10 years, I had susspected he had watched the odd bit of porn, before i met him. However it turns out his son at the age of 7 (now grown up and not been in contact with him for years) often came downstairs when he was baby sitting and caught him watching videos.
He had 2 failed marriages behind him before we met and both times he blamed everything on them. Both ex wives changed their names and moved away so he could not contact them. How do I know they did not get the knock?
It sounds crazy, but it is as if I never knew him. How could I be such a fool? I loved him with all my heart and we were very close. I never doubted anything he said about his past. But to discover a young child is aware of him watching porn is horrendous. Especially as there was not as much access to porn 25 odd years ago.
I want to say I really admire the people that have stood by their loved ones. I would have if he had been honest and been prepared to talk. However he refuses and blamed me when 3 months later I told him to leave. Since then I have learnt he has run up debts behind my back. I would not have known had he not had to share my laptop for emails. This was the final straw and I now can not trust or believe anything he has told me. I still love him and always will.
What exactly is the dark web and do you need to belong to some dodgy group to download these images. Also what is encrypted messages and again, how easy are they to get. He said his images automatically shared. Is this possible? Surely if this was the case the police would be able to get access to them and catch the people downloading it.
He hid his secret for 10 years, I had susspected he had watched the odd bit of porn, before i met him. However it turns out his son at the age of 7 (now grown up and not been in contact with him for years) often came downstairs when he was baby sitting and caught him watching videos.
He had 2 failed marriages behind him before we met and both times he blamed everything on them. Both ex wives changed their names and moved away so he could not contact them. How do I know they did not get the knock?
It sounds crazy, but it is as if I never knew him. How could I be such a fool? I loved him with all my heart and we were very close. I never doubted anything he said about his past. But to discover a young child is aware of him watching porn is horrendous. Especially as there was not as much access to porn 25 odd years ago.
I want to say I really admire the people that have stood by their loved ones. I would have if he had been honest and been prepared to talk. However he refuses and blamed me when 3 months later I told him to leave. Since then I have learnt he has run up debts behind my back. I would not have known had he not had to share my laptop for emails. This was the final straw and I now can not trust or believe anything he has told me. I still love him and always will.
Hi
I am sorry I don't have answers to your questions but your message resonated with me because my husband of over 30 years has also refused to talk about what he did. We got the knock almost 2 years ago and he was sentenced at the end of last year. I wanted to work things out with him but he needed to sit down and talk to me. By refusing to do so I felt that he prolonged the pain for me. He has explained his silence by stating that I always think the worst of him and 'he's been through enough' and that I don't need to know. Now I am trying to divorce him he is playing the victim and making me out to be unreasonable and vindictive.
I can't believe A category images are hard to find on the net because so many men are convicted of downloading them. Until all this kicked of for us I was oblivious to this subject. I believed that you had to be some sort of IT expert to access illegal material but obviously not!!!!
Sorry for the rant. Try and have a good weekend, ladies.
Izzy
I am sorry I don't have answers to your questions but your message resonated with me because my husband of over 30 years has also refused to talk about what he did. We got the knock almost 2 years ago and he was sentenced at the end of last year. I wanted to work things out with him but he needed to sit down and talk to me. By refusing to do so I felt that he prolonged the pain for me. He has explained his silence by stating that I always think the worst of him and 'he's been through enough' and that I don't need to know. Now I am trying to divorce him he is playing the victim and making me out to be unreasonable and vindictive.
I can't believe A category images are hard to find on the net because so many men are convicted of downloading them. Until all this kicked of for us I was oblivious to this subject. I believed that you had to be some sort of IT expert to access illegal material but obviously not!!!!
Sorry for the rant. Try and have a good weekend, ladies.
Izzy
Hi,
I'm led to believe that you need to download some software to access the dark web. You don't just stumble across it.
It's awful not knowing everything. I flit between wanting to know absolutely every detail but then wishing I'd never found out.
xXx
I'm led to believe that you need to download some software to access the dark web. You don't just stumble across it.
It's awful not knowing everything. I flit between wanting to know absolutely every detail but then wishing I'd never found out.
xXx
So I have just revisited this topic of the dark web with my partner.
My partner has been quite honest with how he got a hold of the iiocs. He isn't a tech Wiz at all and basically he used relatively unknown chat room sites and over time learned the 'keywords' that offenders use to communicate with each other....
He had been offending on and off for ten years, started off with getting bored of normal porn and catfishing. His offending was traced back by the police as starting with as simply searching in a normal search engine for 'pre teen girls'. Some images are problematic but in theory won't be cat C or higher, but he found that some when selected would lead to further links which would lead to unregulated sources of iiocs. It can be that simple- no need for the dark web.
Majority of the net is not well monitored or regulated. Kik is notorious for example (chat app). I have seen articles about russian run sites that are problematic, they are known to the police but because it is run in another country the UK police have little to no power to remove it.
Sadly offenders do not need to try too hard it seems, hence the importance I think to warn people of the triggers for going down the rabbit hole. My partner says he didnt mean to find and seek the content. He initially searched for pics to catfish people after figuring out if he posed as a young person he would get more attention. Chat would get sexual ofc and he wound up swapping content- it was a sick fantasy him and others would act on.
His offending was a stupid coping mechanism to escape real life because he was insecure and wasn't handling family stress well at all- not an excuse ofc, he simply turned to sex to cope rather than look for healthy alternatives.
A family friend aslo was caught and explained to me he had no interest what so ever but when he was exposed he believes it triggered something he didn't know he had in him. I guess with any addiction?
My partner has been quite honest with how he got a hold of the iiocs. He isn't a tech Wiz at all and basically he used relatively unknown chat room sites and over time learned the 'keywords' that offenders use to communicate with each other....
He had been offending on and off for ten years, started off with getting bored of normal porn and catfishing. His offending was traced back by the police as starting with as simply searching in a normal search engine for 'pre teen girls'. Some images are problematic but in theory won't be cat C or higher, but he found that some when selected would lead to further links which would lead to unregulated sources of iiocs. It can be that simple- no need for the dark web.
Majority of the net is not well monitored or regulated. Kik is notorious for example (chat app). I have seen articles about russian run sites that are problematic, they are known to the police but because it is run in another country the UK police have little to no power to remove it.
Sadly offenders do not need to try too hard it seems, hence the importance I think to warn people of the triggers for going down the rabbit hole. My partner says he didnt mean to find and seek the content. He initially searched for pics to catfish people after figuring out if he posed as a young person he would get more attention. Chat would get sexual ofc and he wound up swapping content- it was a sick fantasy him and others would act on.
His offending was a stupid coping mechanism to escape real life because he was insecure and wasn't handling family stress well at all- not an excuse ofc, he simply turned to sex to cope rather than look for healthy alternatives.
A family friend aslo was caught and explained to me he had no interest what so ever but when he was exposed he believes it triggered something he didn't know he had in him. I guess with any addiction?
The more I read the posts on this forum the more and more I see the exact same thing that happened with my husband. He discovered porn at an early age . Years later and bam the internet! He's addicted to porn, he spent time in the evenings searching for adult porn, saving photos became an obsession like a compulsion that he couldn't stop doing it. He saves photos of everything, not just porn so I do believe it's some sort of ocd in him as also he does have hourding tendencies. He began looking for more risky porn which led him down the dark path of iioc. He has a happy normal family life, we've been together over 25 years and our kids are 18 abs nearly 16. I knew nothing of this, he hid it very well. If I had known believe me I'd of blimmin smashed every device up I could!. To this day I wish the police had never found his laptop. I'm in support of my husband, he's not a bad person or as perceived in the press " sex monster" or the " p" word. He's done a very bad thing but I won't throw away a lifetime of happiness!. I think it will be very hard for soceity to not see it as black and white. The media and social media fuel the flames with the click bait headlines and don't get me started on vigilante groups!
Also I agree it is very very easy to find iioc, my husband was just looking at porn sites and files would pop up. He didn't need to try hard at all!. And that's why the police must be fighting a huge never ending battle!. Close one site down another will appear within minutes. They say people like my husband are feeding the demand but let's get real the porn trade is huge isn't it. I mean worth billions of pounds, realistically it needs to be the big porn websites that crack down but they are making money so it's a vicious circle!
What is KIK?
Also my husband is a computer boffin. He builds computers and had lots of memory far more than he needed. He was on a couple of forums (fishing etc), but never played games etc on it, so strange he needed so much memory.
when I went away to stay with family, he would have his computer in bits, resetting everything. He always said it was just maintenance so I never thought any more about it. Used to annoy me a bit as he could have done that whilst i was away to save having computer bits all over the place.
If he wiped things off his computer and reset back to factory settings, would the police still be able to find the evidence?
Also my husband is a computer boffin. He builds computers and had lots of memory far more than he needed. He was on a couple of forums (fishing etc), but never played games etc on it, so strange he needed so much memory.
when I went away to stay with family, he would have his computer in bits, resetting everything. He always said it was just maintenance so I never thought any more about it. Used to annoy me a bit as he could have done that whilst i was away to save having computer bits all over the place.
If he wiped things off his computer and reset back to factory settings, would the police still be able to find the evidence?
Deleted files can still be detected. I dont understand it myself but there will be some sort of trace. Kik is a bit like WhatsApp. People can chat and send pics. I use it sometimes. I believe it is phone based only app. But any social media isnt 100% safe.
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what is catfishing? i have seen it refered to a few times on the forum.
I still think my husband was groomed or catfished.He did not have any history of porn addiction or any interest ever in 30 year . I don't know what it was lockdown boredom, curiosity mid life crisis he's still unsure he says . He started with a legal porn site. From there it appears to me he was groomed to other activities through a chat function over only a space of just 2 weeks . He's had no history of online activity had had no social media prior to 2020 so an older man very naive to online activities. The content is obviously everywhere this is not dark web . He's an old fool someone sent him a link he clicked what he thought was a website link but as it went nowhere ) it was a torrent) he thought nothing of it but unfortunately all these hundreds of images pinged through while he was asleep. He was not interested in this sort of thing iioc but In the morning he saw it was on his phone - he opened a couple and was terrified -- he deleted then all immediately and stupidly thought that was that . No, 4 months later we had the knock and Six months later we still wait. There is no defence or innocence he can prove . He's lost his family and his job and his life as he knew it in one click . It seems unfair somehow . I wish I could be as strong as some of you ladies but 6 months later we are separated and I am still so angry (albeit I still support him / he is in complete despair and remorse) . We were so happy and so in love for 30 years . Seeing my teenage son cry when we left his dad at some dead end flat and then have to deal with school safeguarders , social workers and deal with our own. Home situation together as a twosome with such grace made me so angry at him and feel there is no way back for us. I can't forgive him for this impact to our child who will be always tainted with this .
peace to all you lovely ladies who share my struggles . 6 months and I have still not told a soul
peace to all you lovely ladies who share my struggles . 6 months and I have still not told a soul
Luce, I believe my husband was groomed too! He has no reason to lie now and was so desperate to expose the person(s) he was talking to. He was talking to strangers, to make him feel good about himself. A 'female' started a conversation and led him all over the place on various sites, 'she' also got him to send 'her' specific gifts. 'She' kept his interest by talking about his hobbies which overlapped with 'her' 'very important and top secret world' . 'She' flattered him but scoffed at his lack of sexual experience, (we were each other's one and only). He was 60, and it led to him meeting sex workers, that wasn't enough and he was encouraged to meet women from chat rooms for free sex. He was, I am sure, very flattered by the attention, as he was not a well man, and must have been feeling his age. He also clearly wasn't thinking straight, as he was suffering from depression (hidden) which has now been diagnosed. Anyway, this led to him meeting up with vigilantes and him losing everything. Destroying my life along with his! Was this the end of some horrid game 'she' played (who was it really?)
I believe there are some truly twisted people on the internet, who manipulate people of any age and gender for their entertainment. It's like a live game, with unpredictable ending. So. It's not just children that need teaching of the dangers, it's adults too. He was a capable intelligent business man, but got caught up.
Had I discovered his hook ups, prior to this mess, that would have been the end of our marriage, he knew this. But now with this 'crime' and all that entails I can't just leave him to it as he has lost everything. So I too am supporting him as he lives a separate life. It's a case of getting through the court stage, then trying to work out next steps.
We werent blessed with children, so it's now just me. I feel so sad that this is where I am now. I loved him, and he betrayed me, and also got caught up in a vile world. he thought he could live a secret life and I would be none the wiser!
This isn't easy is it?! Xx
I believe there are some truly twisted people on the internet, who manipulate people of any age and gender for their entertainment. It's like a live game, with unpredictable ending. So. It's not just children that need teaching of the dangers, it's adults too. He was a capable intelligent business man, but got caught up.
Had I discovered his hook ups, prior to this mess, that would have been the end of our marriage, he knew this. But now with this 'crime' and all that entails I can't just leave him to it as he has lost everything. So I too am supporting him as he lives a separate life. It's a case of getting through the court stage, then trying to work out next steps.
We werent blessed with children, so it's now just me. I feel so sad that this is where I am now. I loved him, and he betrayed me, and also got caught up in a vile world. he thought he could live a secret life and I would be none the wiser!
This isn't easy is it?! Xx
There is no defence for this crime. What the men did was wrong. However, I do wonder whether the sentance is entirely fair. The legal system is many many years behind. Hopefully someone will recognise this. It will have to be a very strong and courageous person or group to push through any changes, and a re-education of society.
Someone said this internet crime is rather like AIDS in the 80's. Now, fortunately, society has changed its views on that, and medical science has moved on! Let's hope future families are spared the agony we all are going through. x
Someone said this internet crime is rather like AIDS in the 80's. Now, fortunately, society has changed its views on that, and medical science has moved on! Let's hope future families are spared the agony we all are going through. x
Thanks for sharing Your situation Tabs. What a terrible ordeal. I agree the crimes should not be dismissed. I'm a parent and think about the poor children involved. I agree the legal situation needs looking at. Good luck to you - we are still awaiting results. The fact the files were deleted and unopened will unfortunately have no bearing, he will be made to plea guilty as the files were downloaded and all our lives are ruined .
Hi Luce. I really feel for you. It seems obvious that he made a big mistake by not reporting it, but I bet a lot of other people, have been caught this way. some innocent and some not.
Like you I split with my husband because of the fall out. I feel my home has been violated and i felt totally humiliated that a stranger can go through my underwear drawer and that a great big police van was parked outside my house.
It turns out my husband has been addicted to porn for over 30 years, i only found out from other people after we split. I think he downloaded what he thought was adult porn, as i do not think for one second he is interested in IIOC. However the damage was done when we got the knock. Unlike your husband he has denied everything, refused to talk about it and feels he is the victim. He has not for one second thought how this affected me, the humiliation and the risk of vigilants and what my family and friends think,nor has he apologised. this is a man I loved for 10 years and thought the world off. Like you I am angry at him as he blew apart both our lives for some thrill.
I feel like I have been living with a stranger as i would have trusted him with my life. I have sold my house and am moving 100 miles away to be with my family as I am so lonely. My divorce should be through soon and i will change my name, mobile number and email address and start afresh. Something that terrifies me as i did not expect to do this in my late 5o's.
by the way what it torrent? I know he used it lots and he said it was a fishing forum!!!
Like you I split with my husband because of the fall out. I feel my home has been violated and i felt totally humiliated that a stranger can go through my underwear drawer and that a great big police van was parked outside my house.
It turns out my husband has been addicted to porn for over 30 years, i only found out from other people after we split. I think he downloaded what he thought was adult porn, as i do not think for one second he is interested in IIOC. However the damage was done when we got the knock. Unlike your husband he has denied everything, refused to talk about it and feels he is the victim. He has not for one second thought how this affected me, the humiliation and the risk of vigilants and what my family and friends think,nor has he apologised. this is a man I loved for 10 years and thought the world off. Like you I am angry at him as he blew apart both our lives for some thrill.
I feel like I have been living with a stranger as i would have trusted him with my life. I have sold my house and am moving 100 miles away to be with my family as I am so lonely. My divorce should be through soon and i will change my name, mobile number and email address and start afresh. Something that terrifies me as i did not expect to do this in my late 5o's.
by the way what it torrent? I know he used it lots and he said it was a fishing forum!!!
Hi in limbo / I'm not too technical but I believe it's a way to share lots of files or large files. That's what the solicitor said It could have been. It sounds as though we have a similar story. It's a shame your husband will not acknowledge what he has done and how it has affected you. My husband is on the floor he's broken it's awful. I need to focus on my own sanity and get sorted with the house financials making sure everything is ok with our child. It's mentally exhausting 24/7. I wish I could nove away too but it's not an option . Good luck to you stay strong