Family and Friends Forum

Its so difficult isnt it, i guess people feel the need to talk about other peoples business. Ive have a few stern words with a relative for telling people who do not need to know and my partner hasnt even been charged yet. Some people think they need to spread the word/gossip. Have you asked them why they told other people? I can understand if kids are involved, then if he spends time with tgem they need to know. I made it perfectly clear to my relative it was not their place to tell anyone and so far they have now respected my wishes. Id tell them how you feel and the reasons why you dont want everyone knowing, hopefully if you make it plain and clear they will respect the need for privacy on this matter.

Things are still pretty raw for us as it's been less than a week. We had to attend a belated Christmas gathering today and I am not at a stage I feel able to discuss things with the wider family. It was a very difficult few hours as I just feel I have it written on my forehead.! I didn't really want to go but felt I need to carry on with everything as best I can. Sometime we need to choose those we trust very carefully and only share with those we are truly confident will keep the confidence until we are ready after all we need to have some control of the situation we have been put in.

Stay strong and rest well

Worried Mother

Xxx

Hi Jono1, i fully sympathise with your situation as i only people i THOUGHT i could trust, which were a few of my siblings, one of whom i was extremely close to, well they went ahead and told their spouses and their children, my sons cousins who all grew up together as children, i did make it clear that it was confidential and keep it too themselves but i felt we were the talk of the family, even they never said anything directly, you knew that you were as none of them ever contact me or ever get invited to family occassions, as i know there were a few since this happened to us, i was fuming and i can imagine how your situation you wanted to keep it close to a the very few that needed to know. I cannot understand why they needed to tell other family members Jono1, but you just feel like a bit of juicy gossip to them but don't understand the impact it has on you and your son, if i had my time over again i would only make sure that people that needed to know would be an absolute minimum. I was hurt dreadfully when our situation was heard by my sons cousins as they didn't need to know as he never had much contact with them, in fact he hadn't seen them in years, they can all move on now as it doesn't mean anything to them and they are not affected by it, i feel your pain to as you feel you can't trust anyone not to tell anyone and you lose your trust in them, i do not see or speak to my siblings now as they don't mean anything to me now and 3 years down the road i'm not bothered if i ever see them again, i do not feel any hate towards them i just have no respect left for them and thankfully we don't bump into them much because we have moved since. I hope jono1 you can get your family to now not tell anyone else and respect you as a family and how much damage their choices are doing to you and your son, much love and your son, please look after yourself the best you can xx

Reading this thread has made me realise that I had made the right decision to keep those who know about my son to the absolute minimum.

Until just before Christmas, only my daughter, her husband and my ex partner knew about my son's conviction. I had managed to keep it that way for over 8 years. It has been my coping mechanism. However, because I made contact with my son, my daughter went mad and immediately told her husband's family as well as her friends. She then told me that all of them "sided" with her and said she was right to be angry with me.

These people have never even MET my son but have an opinion on how I deal with him. I was outraged at my daughter but she is adamant that it was her right to tell who she liked. I know they are only trying to support my daughter but I feel completely let down by her and I cannot bring myself to forgive her. The trust is broken between us and I feel I have now lost her too.

Ah families you cant choose them! I totally understand. My husbands family were very gossipy about him. It was an utter disgrace. The funny thing is the ones who now stick there noses up are the 2 ex heroin addicts, ex prostitute and the thief. ???? Chin up my love as they those who mind dont matter and those that matter dont mind x