Family and Friends Forum

Hello love, firstly you and me both with the overactive brain at night! ( I did a post too at 5am haven't slept at all). Did he have a solicitor for the second interview?. Can you get info from his solicitor?. I do think you need honesty and your partner to be open so you can carry on supporting him as I know it's very very hard. My husband told me everything on the day we had the police knock. Yes it's been incredibly difficult for me to understand and there's been lots of tears, some shouting but mainly lots of talking. If he wants help and you want to help him then I'm afraid it's his call and I know it's horrible as you don't want to tip him over the edge. Has he tried ringing the helpline?. I know with my husband he hasn't googled stuff and deep down it's a fear of finding out what will happen if it goes to court. I understand that. I've done so much research but that's my nature, I need to plan for every scenario which at times isn't helpful but I can't help it. He could start like my husband did by reading the modules on the stop it now website. We don't have a printer so he's bought paper, folder and stapler and he's printing it at his Mums. He also off his own back found a porn blocker app which he's found really good. If your partner just did one thing to open up to you you can get over this hurdle a bit. If he's suicidal then try and gently get him to ring the Samaritans or the doctor, take care love xx

Also meant to say I see this Kik app mentioned a lot on here ( I'd never heard of it) I'm sorry but the police must have info even if your partner has deleted stuff I'm sure I've read they can still find something. I know that won't make you feel better but the way I see it with my husband the police came here, knew they were gonna arrest him and knew there be stuff in his phone and laptop, they just need proof. Yes they can be guilty or not guilty of course but there will be a reason for them to come round again. I'm 100% in support of my husband, haven't chucked him out and I hang onto the belief we will get through this. I don't condone what he's done and it's a horrible situation but I love him, I hate him too right now! If that makes sense!

I'm so sorry you are in this situation, it is so hard. Can I ask if it has taken 16 months for the police to complete the searches on tech equipment? Has he not been living with you and the children all that time?

We are in week 11 since the knock and my husband wasnt allowed home that night and has been living with his sister since then. He denies it all...communicating with a minor and images. Says that all he did was watch some regular porn and nothing else. I am worried about his mental state and am fully supporting him, telling him I believe him so that he doesnt get tipped over the edge. I have doubts though, like you say they wouldn't just make this up.

I will support him through this as much as I can but if he wont help himself and try to change then there is only so much I can do.

You need to look after you and your children, he is a grown up and must take responsibility for his own actions. My husband wont google either but I'm often there in the early hours searching for info. I haven't found anything that supports his story that this is a huge mistake.

Take care of you and know you are not alone in the early hours of the morning, 1 a.m. seems to be my time for thinking. X

Lizzie Lou you and me both on the googling in the early hours! Hence why I didn't sleep at all last night. I have good positive days then I'll read something and my mind is racing.

My Husband has still not had his mobile, laptop or computer returned and its been 9 months. They also took my computer as I was away in Australia when he downloaded iioc. I chased the police for my computer and it was returned to me 3 months later. when speaking to the police they said it could be 2 to 2.5 years before he gets charged.

However they said if there is anything on his stuff, then it will be used as evidence then destroyed.

The mobile he used is on contract in my name and i still have to pay for it until july, but they will not return it. Even though I have proof its mine. This leads me to believe they have found something. He is a computer boffin, with an all singing, all dancing top of the range computer. The day after i came home he striped his computer down and reset it to factory settings. The police told me they will still be able to get information deleted.

In limbo, sadly it is true that any tech found with evidence will be destroyed. However my partner did get it arranged for some family photos to be retrieved from a family computer. But this is costly (depends on the area) and the courts have to allow it. We were told it isnt too common to be approved.

It was ages ago that contract phones and seeing if payment can be paused was discussed somewhere on this forum, perhaps search in the search function.

I think someone tried to argue with the phone company that the police have it held and therefore cannot use the phone. But I think it isn't a valid reason by phone company standards but you may need to check the contract small print

In limbo, my dads devices were taken, they accidentally took one of my mums phones as well- unfortunately we couldn't remember the password for it so they kept ringing us asking but we genuinely had forgotten!



after the case and my dad had been charged my mum chased them up for all of our devices, she was sick of the police by this point so just wanted to make there life awkward! they said that the devices that the evidence was on is kept by themselves (can't remember the reason why), but we got back some of the others. So don't presume the worse that they have found more evidence as that is probably not the case! They have kept 2 of my dads devices out of 5 or 6 and Absolutly no further evidence was found on them xx

Also, Just to add with the contract phone my mum and dad went to the shop and said they had lost the phone, bought a cheap new one and the shop transferred the sim and number so you could continue to use that same contract!

My husbands device was a contract mobile that police seized..now its gone to magistrates and crown court for sentencing,its highly unlikely that he'll get the phone back and has been mentioned by Lee( sorry if its not u Lee) that the phone still has to be paid for ..to still have to pay for a phone that will never be returned and if we dnt pay then his credit rating goes down..

But hubby says keep paying, he doesn't want the phone back now anyway.wouldnt feel like his phone anymore.

Hes now only allowed a phone that can't connect to the Internet and that he can only make calls and txts on.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I contacted the mobile company and they said as the police have it, it is not lost and that I need to keep paying for it. I have continued to pay it as my husband had lots of debts (which he hid from me when we meet), whilst I do not own anyone a penny. As its in my name I chose to pay it. I do not want it back as it will be another reminder and I hope to be able to put everything behind me one day.

Could you ask the phone company to cancel it early? Not really sure how it works but logically through a contract you are slowly paying off the value of the phone with added taffif for use. Depends if you have that chuck of money for a final one off payment. They will charge a fee to cancel early but might end up cheaper than just paying until contact ens in the long run