Need someone who understands...
Notifications OFF
So I've been quiet on here for a while. My ex then fiancé got the knock a year and 4 months ago, he's still not been to court.
I chose not to stand by him this wasn't an easy decision and I did a lot of back and forth but in the end I had to do what's right for me and my future. We are still communicating and meet up when we can to walk the dog that we shared who I have ownership of now. I am coping well for the majority of the time it just feels like a bad memory and I don't think about it often. However I am still so so heartbroken. After spending time with him I get so painfully sad sad at everything we've lost. Sad at everything that could have been. It almost physically hurts and I've even found myself wishing that he had been involved in some terrible accident rather than this. It would have been easier to loose him that way than to know he's out there living his life, living and breathing and I can never be with him again. At nights I get so lonely and it's the silly things that remind me of him. I do believe he is a good person but I couldn't be with him. I know that his case will probably be in the not too distant future and it kills me the thought of not being able to text him whenever I like or if we're out with the dog I wonder when the last time will be.
im sorry to offload here but I have no one else to talk to, my family don't understand and don't like me talking about him but I just feel so alone
I chose not to stand by him this wasn't an easy decision and I did a lot of back and forth but in the end I had to do what's right for me and my future. We are still communicating and meet up when we can to walk the dog that we shared who I have ownership of now. I am coping well for the majority of the time it just feels like a bad memory and I don't think about it often. However I am still so so heartbroken. After spending time with him I get so painfully sad sad at everything we've lost. Sad at everything that could have been. It almost physically hurts and I've even found myself wishing that he had been involved in some terrible accident rather than this. It would have been easier to loose him that way than to know he's out there living his life, living and breathing and I can never be with him again. At nights I get so lonely and it's the silly things that remind me of him. I do believe he is a good person but I couldn't be with him. I know that his case will probably be in the not too distant future and it kills me the thought of not being able to text him whenever I like or if we're out with the dog I wonder when the last time will be.
im sorry to offload here but I have no one else to talk to, my family don't understand and don't like me talking about him but I just feel so alone
Oh Christine, I feel your pain.
I am very much in the same situation, just only at the very start, only two weeks after the knock.
I too was engaged to my partner and was confident I had found my soulmate. After he came back from the Police station he confessed all to me, the spiral into porn addiction, online relationships with other women and the descent into iioc. I moved away but must message him still almost 20 times a day. I hate what he has done but still love the man, we had hopes, dreams and a future I no longer feel I have any of that.
I feel so lonely and know that I will always love him.
you are not alone
heartbroken x
I am very much in the same situation, just only at the very start, only two weeks after the knock.
I too was engaged to my partner and was confident I had found my soulmate. After he came back from the Police station he confessed all to me, the spiral into porn addiction, online relationships with other women and the descent into iioc. I moved away but must message him still almost 20 times a day. I hate what he has done but still love the man, we had hopes, dreams and a future I no longer feel I have any of that.
I feel so lonely and know that I will always love him.
you are not alone
heartbroken x
Hi Christine
I'm sorry to hear what your going through. My situation is not the same as it's my son that was charged with a communication offence and not my partner. That said, I can fully relate to you saying you'd have preferred an accident than thus. I've said many times that coming through thus in in fact worse than death because with death comes closure with time. This situation never really brings closure. Life gets easier and you end up with having no option but to try and get on with your life but it's always there in the background threat to rear it's ugly head. As a mother, I could never have cut ties with my son for what he's done. Had it been my partner I have no idea what I'd gave done, I can only imagine how gut wrenching and soul searching it must be to have to make the choice whether to stay with your partner or up sticks and leave the whole thing behind. I would image people are heartbroken if they leave the one they love and in for a very different life if they stay. It's a catch twenty two situation and must be so, do difficult. I admire both those who stay and those who leave. Hope to hear your feeling a bit more settled soon as it all takes time x
I'm sorry to hear what your going through. My situation is not the same as it's my son that was charged with a communication offence and not my partner. That said, I can fully relate to you saying you'd have preferred an accident than thus. I've said many times that coming through thus in in fact worse than death because with death comes closure with time. This situation never really brings closure. Life gets easier and you end up with having no option but to try and get on with your life but it's always there in the background threat to rear it's ugly head. As a mother, I could never have cut ties with my son for what he's done. Had it been my partner I have no idea what I'd gave done, I can only imagine how gut wrenching and soul searching it must be to have to make the choice whether to stay with your partner or up sticks and leave the whole thing behind. I would image people are heartbroken if they leave the one they love and in for a very different life if they stay. It's a catch twenty two situation and must be so, do difficult. I admire both those who stay and those who leave. Hope to hear your feeling a bit more settled soon as it all takes time x
You are not alone. Since joining this group I realise there are lots of people in the same situation. If only these men realised what they put their loved ones through, perhaps they would think twice before hitting the download button.
Like you I chose to walk away from my husband, who I also thought was my best friend and soulmate. I tried to save my marriage for 3 months, but it was as if a bomb had been planted between us and our world had been blown apart.
I no longer trusted him and when I told him to move out he told me "you are listening to your head and not your heart". Sometimes you have to do that. I am in my late 5o's and the thought of being on my own as I get older really scares me.
i lost my first husband to cancer and would not wish the grief on anyone, but had he had an affair I may have been able to forgive him. Trust is very important in a relationship.
We did meet up about a month after we split up, but it was heartbreaking for both of us. We then tried just texting each other, but that was just as upsetting. We gradually messaged less and less and stopped altogether just before Christmas. To be honest it has helped me move on and except its all over between us. I will always love him and wish him the best, but I have to put my own life back together.
I deleted his phone number so that I am not tempted to text or ring when feeling low. I have written it down in case I ever change my mind, but feel this is best for both of us to move forward.
Hope this is some use to you. Sending hugs.
Like you I chose to walk away from my husband, who I also thought was my best friend and soulmate. I tried to save my marriage for 3 months, but it was as if a bomb had been planted between us and our world had been blown apart.
I no longer trusted him and when I told him to move out he told me "you are listening to your head and not your heart". Sometimes you have to do that. I am in my late 5o's and the thought of being on my own as I get older really scares me.
i lost my first husband to cancer and would not wish the grief on anyone, but had he had an affair I may have been able to forgive him. Trust is very important in a relationship.
We did meet up about a month after we split up, but it was heartbreaking for both of us. We then tried just texting each other, but that was just as upsetting. We gradually messaged less and less and stopped altogether just before Christmas. To be honest it has helped me move on and except its all over between us. I will always love him and wish him the best, but I have to put my own life back together.
I deleted his phone number so that I am not tempted to text or ring when feeling low. I have written it down in case I ever change my mind, but feel this is best for both of us to move forward.
Hope this is some use to you. Sending hugs.
The thought of doing that terrifies me
Christine like many others I feel your pain, my partner was arrested and remanded in prison a year ago for a communication offence, it was in the press, sometimes the nightmare still feels like yesterday (arriving home to find the police in my house and he’d been taken away, like I never got to say goodbye) when sentenced he got 2 years inside and 2 year on license.
I too feel heartbroken some days about all the plans I had for the future, the new places I wanted to go with him. Also the house we shared feels empty and I can’t watch certain programs on tv that we used to watch.
I still talk with him on the phone and sometimes I forget what he did and it’s like old times, we also shared a dog (who lives with his mum & dad) and we laugh about the fun times we’ve had. I too had thoughts that it would have been easier if he’d had a terrible accident because then people would understand your loss.
Maybe if u feel u definitely want to move on cutting all contact could be the best option, but I know it’s easier said than done and I’m not sure I can do this too yet.
I too feel heartbroken some days about all the plans I had for the future, the new places I wanted to go with him. Also the house we shared feels empty and I can’t watch certain programs on tv that we used to watch.
I still talk with him on the phone and sometimes I forget what he did and it’s like old times, we also shared a dog (who lives with his mum & dad) and we laugh about the fun times we’ve had. I too had thoughts that it would have been easier if he’d had a terrible accident because then people would understand your loss.
Maybe if u feel u definitely want to move on cutting all contact could be the best option, but I know it’s easier said than done and I’m not sure I can do this too yet.
Christine
It's so good to see you've come back on. Iv often thought about you.
I'm proud of you coming to your decision. You took your time and weighed everything up. You now need time to grieve your relationship. That is a loss too.
You sound so much clearer since I last spoke to you and I'm proud of you for making it too this day. Each day will get easier I promise you that xx
It's so good to see you've come back on. Iv often thought about you.
I'm proud of you coming to your decision. You took your time and weighed everything up. You now need time to grieve your relationship. That is a loss too.
You sound so much clearer since I last spoke to you and I'm proud of you for making it too this day. Each day will get easier I promise you that xx
Thanks so much yazz I feel like you've really helped me and understand my position
No need to thank me. Our situations are so similar. Iv posted under the media and telling others section today. My nightmare finally has ended. And a new chapter is beginning. Read it it might give you some hope x
I will thank you for being so supportive
We were told his case was pushed back till March and obviously that's looming closer and I find myself getting more anxious and upset as time goes on I'm slipping back to how bad I felt before I can't imagine not having him there to text etc I know he has to be punished for what he's done but it will break me