Family and Friends Forum

Hi,

I'm feeling your pain and concerns at this awful time.

I've also thought about this but one thing I am certain about is that the police are very thorough so they obviously have enough evidence to have identified him and arrest. I guess it's whether the CPS feel it warrants prosecution. This is where we are at. The evidence has been handed over to the CPS at least 3 times each time asking for more evidence.

The officer in charge mentioned that people in my ex's position have been known to get a caution/conditional caution. I obviously want what is best for him but not sure where this would leave me and our children. He's on supervised contact by myself or another adult currently. I do not think he'd harm our children but then I didn't think he was capable of offending. It's a constant cycle of thinking how will I ever have that level of trust in him again. Maybe I won't. He's a great dad, my girls adore him, yet he's done something I struggle to comprehend.

I hope you are looking after yourself.

xXx

Hi

The police have to have solid evidence in order to charge your husband. They have to have something to solid to knock on the door in the first place. Unfortunately you won't be given any information whilst the investigation is ongoing. This is to stop it hindering the case.

I was told by the detective I will only find out the severity when it goes to court.

If he is remorseful and wants to tell you the truth he could let you ask for a disclosure of the details. But without his permission you won't get them unfortunately. Its a horrendous limbo the in between not knowing. I'm sorry you have found yourself here.

Ask as many questions on here as you need to. Lots of self care and take each day as they come. X

I understand your concerns. It is also my ex that is the offender, I didnt get much info, only what SS disclosed. He has told me some of it but not all. I was woken up by a phonecall at 8am and a police officer telling me they'd arrested him and why. I had to go and collect my girls and it's been abit crazy ever since. They have supervised contact but its tricky because one usually doesn't want to speak to him at all because she is sad that he "did a bad thing" (they are too young to know exactly what), he recently said to the girls that it will be nice when they can go to the beach when the weather is warmer.... and i'm just over here like... are you crazy?! I'm not taking a person like him to a beach where there will be loads of children in their swimsuits.

I dont want him anywhere near my children... or anyone else's. I'm not so willing to believe that he ended up down a porn addiction road, hes the type that will latch on to any sort of feasible excuse to try and "lessen" what he has done. He knew what he was doing was wrong, is disgusting yet he went back for more and encouraged others to do the same.

I just can't get past that. I can never forget it and therefore can never trust that he can be trusted with the girls.

It seems this is a long journey and people follow different paths. You might find a little down the line that you feel differently....i'm sorry you're here at all.

At the end of the day we just do what's best for our children and that's all we can do. I'd like to hope that if the police felt strongly enough to come and arrest him that they wouldn't just drop it but I worried the same when my ex was released pending investigation and his bail conditions removed after 3 months.