Family and Friends Forum

Oh lovely... this will be hard to hear. But based on what you've posted here... you need to leave this man. And you can do it. I did it. Do you have children? A good starting point would be to talk this over with Women's Aid. Do you think that is something you could do? Every scenario is different, but this man sounds unsupportive at best. And that's not right. He is in the wrong. The least you can expect is honesty and understanding of what you are going through.

Please call Women's Aid and talk this over with them?

Sending you love and strength x

Ah ok. Don't feel like you're bothering them, no one would want any friend or loved one to be suffering in silence. What is more important in this world than being there for others? You would not want a friend to suffer in silence, you would want them to reach out xxx

Hun you need to reach out to people you trust for support and talk to your doctor you can't deal with this all on your own I tried that when my partner was first arrest and it took a massive toll on my own mental health

Your ex has no right to say you should be over it these offences aren't something you get over quickly I'm nearly 2 years down the line and still not over it me and my partner still have a very long way to go but he is been open and talking to me if he hadn't been then I would have walked away and made a clean break no matter how hard it is you have to put yourself and your health first you can't help help someone who won't help themselves and isn't been honest or forthcoming with you

From what you have wrote it's sounds very much like your ex doesn't care about the pain and hurt he has caused you or the effects his offending is having on you which to for me would be a massive red flag

Those who love and care about you will want to help and support you through this even if it's just one person you truly trust reach out I ended up in a very dark place because I tried to cope on my own at first it was a massive weight off my shoulders when I found this fourm and reached out for help and opened up to my family and the doctors sorry if this sounds extremely blunt & harsh but from what I've he is playing you and seems very controlling I'd cut all ties as hard as it maybe you can't help someone like your ex he will drag likely you down with him and your worth more and deserve more then how he is treating you Massive Hugs hun

Hi Christine

I just wanted to reach out and say you and me have both been manipulated. It's toxic and harmful to your mental health. For your own self worth you need some answers or your gone. Don't settle for someone who clearly isn't sorry or remorseful. You can't live your life like this your in constant turmoil. I totally hear you don't want to be on your own, but are you at peace in your life living in this limbo which isn't yours to carry.

I promise you as the weeks go on after leaving you feel a million times better, you don't need the worry, stress, manipulation of it all. Would you like this kind of relationship for your sister/daughter/best friend? I think I know what your answer will be.



Iv been there hun, lied and lied to beyond belief and was still willing to believe him, only that my disclosure saved me from any more lies and manipulation. I feel like the old yazz again like a huge weight is lifted, I'm not taking my peace for granted ever again.

This process is a trauma, it's a grief of the loss of the relationship, the hopes the dreams, the person, the trust and betrayal, the horror of the nature of it and on top of that all he can't be straight with you?

Life will never be the same for this man, his jobs will be limited, he won't be able to travel freely, children will be under ss, sex offenders register, its alot for anyone to take on and stay with a partner after all of that. If they are showing remorse and signs of rehabilitation fantastic! But if he can't meet you half way hun I think your breaking your own heart by staying.



I don't want to sound blunt, but this is not yours to carry. We're here for a short time not a long time and you deserve peace and honesty. You've got to let yourself heal from this, get therapy talk it out. I find listening to other angles about it have helped me to see this in a different light.



Please look after yourself I hope what I may say might make you see that your not alone, iv come through the exact same.



Yazz xx

Ah bless you Lee xxx



Christine your within your rights to ask for the disclosure hun so please do it! Explain you need answers and I expressed I had young children in my family. Explain what it's doing to your mental health. You can only ask the question can't you? As soon as I got the info I was gone. Major lies were revealed! I knew after that there was no going back. You can start the process off online search Claires law and Sarah's law and you can start the ball rolling. I really hope you do this xx

Hi Christine, I haven't posted on here for ages, but reading your plight I felt I needed to reach out, I am also in Scotland. I have had 2x knocks 1st time I stayed, 2nd time I just couldn't. Its sounds as if your ex is being manipulative with you, have you phoned woman's aid, they can be very useful and a good listening ear. Also I am sure it's either Sarah's / or Claires law that you can approach for a disclosure on your ex, am say ex however it sounds like hes still a big part of your life, and I know how very difficult it is to cut ties, we just can't switch off feelings for people. Can you check the court rolls, ie the court he is going to, for the date of his appearance, OK at the moment there is no public gallerys however it may give you an, idea when his sentence hearing will be. You can Google scottish court rolls. Xx

The disclosure, assuming you are entitled to the information, will tell you of any convictions, or information you need to know to keep yourself safe, woman's aid can help in that they have contacts with other support services. There is also in Scotland the moodcafe which has links to counclling services.

Another place for counclling is breathingspace. Scot. X