What do I do now?
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Police turned up at my house on Friday with a search warrant for underage images and searched all devices taking my husbands computer. They arrested him from his work and he has been in the cells all weekend. The police advised he will be charged on Monday so they must have found images.
Social Work paid a visit on Friday just after the police left as we have a little girl and will be into again on Monday.
How do I protect my daughter from this? I want him to change his name and he will need to find somewhere else to live as he can't be in the same house as us. Will they read out our address and old name at court? Can he ask them not to to protect my daughter as much as possible from this?
My family know and 1 friend but I'm terrified of it getting out and following her forever. We live in a small village and last name isn't common so everyone would know straight away.
Any advise at all would be very much appreciated.
Social Work paid a visit on Friday just after the police left as we have a little girl and will be into again on Monday.
How do I protect my daughter from this? I want him to change his name and he will need to find somewhere else to live as he can't be in the same house as us. Will they read out our address and old name at court? Can he ask them not to to protect my daughter as much as possible from this?
My family know and 1 friend but I'm terrified of it getting out and following her forever. We live in a small village and last name isn't common so everyone would know straight away.
Any advise at all would be very much appreciated.
I've got no advice, I'm sorry, I know that's not useful but just wanted to say I understand how hard this is and to take it one day at a time. The Stopitnow helpline are great for advice if you need to talk it through. Also try and communicate with SS if you can. I think it's a different process depending on which part of the country you're in, ridiculous I know.
My ex partner was arrested and released pending investigation in July 2020 and there's been no news. I try to talk to SW as much as possible but they can be evasive.
My ex partner was arrested and released pending investigation in July 2020 and there's been no news. I try to talk to SW as much as possible but they can be evasive.
Hi Maggie
I recommend getting in touch with the helpline and seek help from the GP. Also feel free to browse the forum. The family section and legal section may be the best place for a start.
Unfortunately the investigation phase can take a long while, just to give you a heads up. If it does go to court they do check the address of the offender at the time for identity confirmation. So if your ex has moved out by then and registered then your address should not be mentioned I think. I believe someone on here mentioned they made a request to the courts to ensure children identity is not mentioned or reported. From memory the names of my partner's children were not mentioned in court.
Media wise it is so hard to say. Statistically these arrests happen about 500 times a month...so not all are reported. From what I have seen reporting doesn't occur until charging/sentencing time, if at all.
Big hugs
I recommend getting in touch with the helpline and seek help from the GP. Also feel free to browse the forum. The family section and legal section may be the best place for a start.
Unfortunately the investigation phase can take a long while, just to give you a heads up. If it does go to court they do check the address of the offender at the time for identity confirmation. So if your ex has moved out by then and registered then your address should not be mentioned I think. I believe someone on here mentioned they made a request to the courts to ensure children identity is not mentioned or reported. From memory the names of my partner's children were not mentioned in court.
Media wise it is so hard to say. Statistically these arrests happen about 500 times a month...so not all are reported. From what I have seen reporting doesn't occur until charging/sentencing time, if at all.
Big hugs
Hello,
Your post has taken me back to the awful feelings of those early days! I'm sorry you've had to join this group.
The police investigation is out of your control at the moment, as much as we'd like to know everything! My advice is to work with social care. They prefer it if you separate from your partner/husband but there are many that don't! This is your choice. My children are young so every part of my life was scrutinised but it does become easier. Take notes during meetings, having these proved invaluable when the next meeting rolled around.
The helpline is incredible. Even if you don't know what to ask/discuss they are comforting and informative.
If your husband is released on bail or under investigation he may find it useful to go through the lff modules on their website.
There are alot of incredible people on this group at different stages of this process. You'll always get an honest answer. It's comforting even if, like me, you are more of an observer.
Sending you love and positive thoughts.
xXx
Your post has taken me back to the awful feelings of those early days! I'm sorry you've had to join this group.
The police investigation is out of your control at the moment, as much as we'd like to know everything! My advice is to work with social care. They prefer it if you separate from your partner/husband but there are many that don't! This is your choice. My children are young so every part of my life was scrutinised but it does become easier. Take notes during meetings, having these proved invaluable when the next meeting rolled around.
The helpline is incredible. Even if you don't know what to ask/discuss they are comforting and informative.
If your husband is released on bail or under investigation he may find it useful to go through the lff modules on their website.
There are alot of incredible people on this group at different stages of this process. You'll always get an honest answer. It's comforting even if, like me, you are more of an observer.
Sending you love and positive thoughts.
xXx
Thank you all so much for the replies so far.
He was released and has admitted to me that they will find images. He is not sure how many in total. We are separating and he is getting advice from the lawyer and emergency housing to get somewhere else to live and change his name.
He is allowed no contact at all with our daughter at the moment and I'm honestly not sure how I feel about him seeing her in the future. She is so upset because she loves her daddy and who she knew him as. I am devestated, heartbroken and clinging to some sense of normality but I am going to make it work for my baby girl. She deserves the world and far better than what she has been dealt right now. I have been advised that the content found makes her high risk which sickens me.
I've had 3 visits from SW so far and the school has been advised. I've also spoken to the DC regarding next steps. They have no concerns with me and just want to make sure we are okay and supported which does ease my anxiety a small amount.
I am horrified to know that there are so many people who are affected by this and have read so many stories on here that breaks my heart for all these strong women and families. I know this will be a long journey and at the moment I'm just hoping to get some kind of new norm and to stop feeling sick to my stomach all the time.
He was released and has admitted to me that they will find images. He is not sure how many in total. We are separating and he is getting advice from the lawyer and emergency housing to get somewhere else to live and change his name.
He is allowed no contact at all with our daughter at the moment and I'm honestly not sure how I feel about him seeing her in the future. She is so upset because she loves her daddy and who she knew him as. I am devestated, heartbroken and clinging to some sense of normality but I am going to make it work for my baby girl. She deserves the world and far better than what she has been dealt right now. I have been advised that the content found makes her high risk which sickens me.
I've had 3 visits from SW so far and the school has been advised. I've also spoken to the DC regarding next steps. They have no concerns with me and just want to make sure we are okay and supported which does ease my anxiety a small amount.
I am horrified to know that there are so many people who are affected by this and have read so many stories on here that breaks my heart for all these strong women and families. I know this will be a long journey and at the moment I'm just hoping to get some kind of new norm and to stop feeling sick to my stomach all the time.
I am about 8 weeks into this and just wanted to say get through each day. If you can try not to over think that's the best thing to do. I'm a terrible over thinker and analyse everything to the very tiny details and I find it hard to stop. See your gp if you need to and speak on here to people like you. There's so many of us, sadly. But everyone helps each other.
Thinking of you. All I can say is confide in someone you trust and talk ,talk,talk. do not bottle it up like i did for 9 weeks.
Just remember unfortunately there are lots of others going through this. We all have different stories, but so much in common. I only joined recently and have found this group very helpful and wish i had joined at the beginning of my journey.
Take care .
Just remember unfortunately there are lots of others going through this. We all have different stories, but so much in common. I only joined recently and have found this group very helpful and wish i had joined at the beginning of my journey.
Take care .