The aftermath of the media :-(
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So for those that knew my backstory it's on here somewhere sentencing was thus month. I wasn't sure exactly what day as I left him months ago, but I was actively checking the daily court reels for that info.
On the day in question I was sat at home watching tv and I got the sudden urge to check the court reels. And there his name was. My heart panged. I was shaking. Then my nerves went thinking about the potential it may make the newspapers.
Court reels don't print the sentencing details. That evening I checked and checked online to see if his name appeared in any of the local rags and nothing. I went to bed and googled could I ring the court to find out his sentencing as it was now in the public interest. I identified myself to the clerk and she read out his sentence. Non custodial and lots of rehabilitation and community service.
I then picked up the laptop to check local mess and there he was, his face all over the website. I went physically sick and started crying. This day I have had countless sleepless nights worrying about had actually happened. If anyone has read this story noone in my life knew what had happened. I just made out the relationship hadn't worked out and that was that.
I locked myself inside and I kept reading over and over all the details. There was more too it than I even knew. I felt like I had been set back to the day the police knocked. I was shook.
I have 3 best friends in my life and I knew I had to tell them before they seen it. It was all over social media.
I called them up one by one and relived it. I didn't know how they were gonna take it. It was alot for them to process we know that! But I have been surrounded by nothing but love and compassion and reassurance they know I am nothing to do with him or his crime. I have lived with the fear of shear embarrassment and shame.
Later that evening I got a text of a colleague. I work in a a a business 5 of us so quite close knit and she says have you seen the newspapers? That text nearly pushed me over the edge. Everyone knew. The other 3 people I worked with must of communicated between themselves and all messaged me expressing concern for my wellbeing. I was a sobbing mess. I'm so angry his crime has put me here.
I issued a statement in our work group asking them to support me in the workplace and that I didn't know him when the crime took place, he kidded us all and when the police made it known what he was being investigated for, I was gone. I expressed to think of my feelings when gossiping and thanks for the messages of support.
Nothing can prepare you for this nightmare. Nothing can prepare you for media coverage.
As someone who has lived it, seek out cbt for anxiety this can help control anxious thoughts and worry. Seek out councilling if your able to. Talking about it can help process it and rationalise it.
Delete social media if that is something you can do. Limited your Internet time. I become consumed in checking the court reels the newspapers social media court room news.
I just want to say the feeling I feel now its all out in the open for everyone to read is that this now is finally over. 8 months of sheer limbo gone. Those that know and love you won't judge you for it. While I still feel bruised I'm slowly going out again. I need to hold my head up high and be the person I am. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I need to stop hiding indoors. It's just felt safe to do so.
I started dating whilst this has been going on. Some might think I'm crazy. But I haven't given up on finding love. Iv been very unlucky especially with what I have just been through. We were on date 3 today and it was so amazing. I have little moments we're I feel strange then I soon snap out of it and get back in the moment.
I hope anyone reading this might get to read that if it does go in the papers, it's out and that's it. It's over. The nightmare of limbo ends. For some the new normal for your relationship begins. Or like in my case your free.
I wish everyone going through this all the love and strength to get through this.
Yazz xoxo
On the day in question I was sat at home watching tv and I got the sudden urge to check the court reels. And there his name was. My heart panged. I was shaking. Then my nerves went thinking about the potential it may make the newspapers.
Court reels don't print the sentencing details. That evening I checked and checked online to see if his name appeared in any of the local rags and nothing. I went to bed and googled could I ring the court to find out his sentencing as it was now in the public interest. I identified myself to the clerk and she read out his sentence. Non custodial and lots of rehabilitation and community service.
I then picked up the laptop to check local mess and there he was, his face all over the website. I went physically sick and started crying. This day I have had countless sleepless nights worrying about had actually happened. If anyone has read this story noone in my life knew what had happened. I just made out the relationship hadn't worked out and that was that.
I locked myself inside and I kept reading over and over all the details. There was more too it than I even knew. I felt like I had been set back to the day the police knocked. I was shook.
I have 3 best friends in my life and I knew I had to tell them before they seen it. It was all over social media.
I called them up one by one and relived it. I didn't know how they were gonna take it. It was alot for them to process we know that! But I have been surrounded by nothing but love and compassion and reassurance they know I am nothing to do with him or his crime. I have lived with the fear of shear embarrassment and shame.
Later that evening I got a text of a colleague. I work in a a a business 5 of us so quite close knit and she says have you seen the newspapers? That text nearly pushed me over the edge. Everyone knew. The other 3 people I worked with must of communicated between themselves and all messaged me expressing concern for my wellbeing. I was a sobbing mess. I'm so angry his crime has put me here.
I issued a statement in our work group asking them to support me in the workplace and that I didn't know him when the crime took place, he kidded us all and when the police made it known what he was being investigated for, I was gone. I expressed to think of my feelings when gossiping and thanks for the messages of support.
Nothing can prepare you for this nightmare. Nothing can prepare you for media coverage.
As someone who has lived it, seek out cbt for anxiety this can help control anxious thoughts and worry. Seek out councilling if your able to. Talking about it can help process it and rationalise it.
Delete social media if that is something you can do. Limited your Internet time. I become consumed in checking the court reels the newspapers social media court room news.
I just want to say the feeling I feel now its all out in the open for everyone to read is that this now is finally over. 8 months of sheer limbo gone. Those that know and love you won't judge you for it. While I still feel bruised I'm slowly going out again. I need to hold my head up high and be the person I am. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I need to stop hiding indoors. It's just felt safe to do so.
I started dating whilst this has been going on. Some might think I'm crazy. But I haven't given up on finding love. Iv been very unlucky especially with what I have just been through. We were on date 3 today and it was so amazing. I have little moments we're I feel strange then I soon snap out of it and get back in the moment.
I hope anyone reading this might get to read that if it does go in the papers, it's out and that's it. It's over. The nightmare of limbo ends. For some the new normal for your relationship begins. Or like in my case your free.
I wish everyone going through this all the love and strength to get through this.
Yazz xoxo
Yazz - you are doing amazing! Keep it up, you've always given such good advise and although I don't know you, I feel really proud of you.
I completely understand you on this. My partner recently got sentenced (custodial). One of my biggest fears was the media.
I had told my best friend about three month post 'knock' (although mine wasn't a knock but returned home from work to my house full of under cover police officers) I'm so glad now I did because like you it hit local news. Photo/address/full article, the lot. My best friend was looking out for it and text my sister warning me. I've never read the article but actually saw it was posted before I heard about the sentencing which makes me think the article had been ready to go prior to the court date.
I cried and cried and although I was in this horrible situation I felt in control of the situation up until that article. Over the next 24hours the texts started to come through. All were very supportive and kind, and just concerned about me
But like you said time has passed and another hurdle has passed and it was soon old news and it does get better. If anything its meant Ive never had to break the news anyone else so far.
I still wish it hadn't of hit the news but if it does for anyone in the future, we are strong enough to deal with it and the initial pain doesn't last forever. And before you know it, it is old news!
My advice for anyone would be to have someone to look out for an article- it means you don't have to see it but are aware so you're not shocked if texts do come through X
I completely understand you on this. My partner recently got sentenced (custodial). One of my biggest fears was the media.
I had told my best friend about three month post 'knock' (although mine wasn't a knock but returned home from work to my house full of under cover police officers) I'm so glad now I did because like you it hit local news. Photo/address/full article, the lot. My best friend was looking out for it and text my sister warning me. I've never read the article but actually saw it was posted before I heard about the sentencing which makes me think the article had been ready to go prior to the court date.
I cried and cried and although I was in this horrible situation I felt in control of the situation up until that article. Over the next 24hours the texts started to come through. All were very supportive and kind, and just concerned about me
But like you said time has passed and another hurdle has passed and it was soon old news and it does get better. If anything its meant Ive never had to break the news anyone else so far.
I still wish it hadn't of hit the news but if it does for anyone in the future, we are strong enough to deal with it and the initial pain doesn't last forever. And before you know it, it is old news!
My advice for anyone would be to have someone to look out for an article- it means you don't have to see it but are aware so you're not shocked if texts do come through X
Whatwhywhennow thank you so much for reading and replying and sharing your story too. I'm so glad it's over for you also. I hope life is being kind to you and you can put this horrid experience behind you.
That is great advise looking out for the article, I went full blown in pretty much sat at the laptop for days checking for any updates. I guess in my head if I could of bypassed the media coming out I would of taken this secret to the grave with me. But it wasn't meant to be that way. Iv embraced it, iv spoken my truth to those that needed to hear it and the support has been reassuring.
I'm so glad you had your sister and friend on your side along the way. This journey is so consuming and solitary. I lived in my own head for 8 months. I'm going to grab life with both hands I really am and i thank the universe that I didn't have a child with this man, I have my own house, I can make a clean break and a fresh start.
Lots of love xxx
That is great advise looking out for the article, I went full blown in pretty much sat at the laptop for days checking for any updates. I guess in my head if I could of bypassed the media coming out I would of taken this secret to the grave with me. But it wasn't meant to be that way. Iv embraced it, iv spoken my truth to those that needed to hear it and the support has been reassuring.
I'm so glad you had your sister and friend on your side along the way. This journey is so consuming and solitary. I lived in my own head for 8 months. I'm going to grab life with both hands I really am and i thank the universe that I didn't have a child with this man, I have my own house, I can make a clean break and a fresh start.
Lots of love xxx
So glad the nightmare is now over for you Yazznan. I wish you all the best for the future. Life is for living so grab it with both hands. I certainly intend to when this is all over. I am only 8 months into my journey, but already feel better since joining the forum. I know I am not alone and will get through this. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you so much limbo your words mean alot. I hope your journey is close to the end to for you. Sending lots of love and strength xxx
Hi Yazz,
I haven't been on here for ages but thought I would pop back on... So sorry to hear it hit the press for your ex hunny.
That must have been so tough for you. However.. On a positive note.. You've been able to be open with those around you and get the support you needed.
How are you doing now?
We are still stuck in limbo... 9 months from the knock and no charges brought as yet. Xx
I haven't been on here for ages but thought I would pop back on... So sorry to hear it hit the press for your ex hunny.
That must have been so tough for you. However.. On a positive note.. You've been able to be open with those around you and get the support you needed.
How are you doing now?
We are still stuck in limbo... 9 months from the knock and no charges brought as yet. Xx
Rainbow! Hello love how are you doing? So. Nice to see you back on here. Sorry to read your still stuck in limbo. Has there been no further development whatsoever?
It's been a very hard few weeks to be honest. It hit the media and everyone found out, my phone was like a hotline. My health has took the knock since I keep breaking out in coldsores. It happened when the police knocked too. I'm so run down. But it's out there now and this is finally over and I never have to see that man again. I keep saying the coldsores are the last of the sadness to come out of me now.
I'm slowly starting to feel like my old self again. Just taking it day by day.
How's your husband doing? Have you managed to adapt with your living arrangements? Really lovely to speak. Hope your keeping as well as you can under the circumstances xxxxx
It's been a very hard few weeks to be honest. It hit the media and everyone found out, my phone was like a hotline. My health has took the knock since I keep breaking out in coldsores. It happened when the police knocked too. I'm so run down. But it's out there now and this is finally over and I never have to see that man again. I keep saying the coldsores are the last of the sadness to come out of me now.
I'm slowly starting to feel like my old self again. Just taking it day by day.
How's your husband doing? Have you managed to adapt with your living arrangements? Really lovely to speak. Hope your keeping as well as you can under the circumstances xxxxx
Hey Yazz,
Sorry things were so tough for you love... To stay or to go... Its still so traumatic for us. I hope things get easier over time.
My hubby has his own flat now but spends lots of time here with us. Last we heard in November they asked for passwords for his work laptop etc but nothing since. It's crazy.... The level of inconsistency. Xxx
Sorry things were so tough for you love... To stay or to go... Its still so traumatic for us. I hope things get easier over time.
My hubby has his own flat now but spends lots of time here with us. Last we heard in November they asked for passwords for his work laptop etc but nothing since. It's crazy.... The level of inconsistency. Xxx
I'm fine now. I put everything into place months ago as I knew in my gut he was lying. What was hard for me to digest was more came out in court than I knew. More lies. And more sickening stuff I learnt about him. He wasn't the person he led me to believe he was. But that's on him now. He's lost everything and everyone. Good luck to him trying to continue a life after what he's done.
Have you rang the police to see where they are up to? It is so bad how long these things take to look into. Glad your learning your own way to carry on as a family in your situation. That's takes so much strength and courage to do so. Xxxx
Have you rang the police to see where they are up to? It is so bad how long these things take to look into. Glad your learning your own way to carry on as a family in your situation. That's takes so much strength and courage to do so. Xxxx