How my life got turned upside down
Notifications OFF
I’ve read all the posts on this site and I sympathise with you all, I hope we can all get through this horrendous situation sane.
The knock happened to me 7 weeks ago, I was getting ready to take my 17 year old to a university interview.
Ive been with my husband for 26 years, I always said I knew him better than he knew himself, how wrong was I.
My story is not much different to a lot of the stories on here, the first feelings were that it must be a mistake, my husband was in another room being interviewed when the policeman who was with me and my children ( daughter then 17 and son 16) said my husband had admitted to it, I went and asked my husband if it was true he said
“yes I’ve been a bit silly”
The knock happened to me 7 weeks ago, I was getting ready to take my 17 year old to a university interview.
Ive been with my husband for 26 years, I always said I knew him better than he knew himself, how wrong was I.
My story is not much different to a lot of the stories on here, the first feelings were that it must be a mistake, my husband was in another room being interviewed when the policeman who was with me and my children ( daughter then 17 and son 16) said my husband had admitted to it, I went and asked my husband if it was true he said
“yes I’ve been a bit silly”
Sorry phone posted before i was ready.
The police checked mine and the kids phones and let us keep them but took every other device in the house including the kids laptops.
He was arrested and then on bail for 28 days, he was not allowed to stay in the house or see or contact the children without me being there.
a few days after his arrest the police woman in charge phoned my daughter and said she had seen a topless picture of my daughter on her laptop which my daughter had sent to her long term boyfriend, she said that she had broken the law sending images to her boyfriend as they were both under 18 ( by one month)
the police woman wouldn’t talk to me about it only talking to my daughter on 3 or 4 occasions saying things to her like “ I’ve seen everything” and “we might have to distroy your laptop” now my daughter is in the middle of her a levels and all her work was on this laptop, my daughter was so upset, the police even came to her school to interview her, they said that they will have to check her boyfriends computer also so my daughter had to tell her bf parents, as you can imagine that was humiliating for her.
meanwhile my husbands bail has ended and he is now free to come and go as he pleases, which is very stressful for me and the children as he thinks it’s not a big thing that he has done and has gone away for a break for the last two weeks as we are all so miserable, he is coming back next weekend as he has MS and is starting a new treatment next week, he said he wants to sleep in his own bed to recover! My family is 250 miles away so I can’t stay with them as the kids have to be at school for exams.
atm we are taking one day at a time, I’m hoping I can get the children through this without putting them through anymore.
sorry for long post, just needed to get it out.
Sending everyone going through this a hug, we could all do with one x
The police checked mine and the kids phones and let us keep them but took every other device in the house including the kids laptops.
He was arrested and then on bail for 28 days, he was not allowed to stay in the house or see or contact the children without me being there.
a few days after his arrest the police woman in charge phoned my daughter and said she had seen a topless picture of my daughter on her laptop which my daughter had sent to her long term boyfriend, she said that she had broken the law sending images to her boyfriend as they were both under 18 ( by one month)
the police woman wouldn’t talk to me about it only talking to my daughter on 3 or 4 occasions saying things to her like “ I’ve seen everything” and “we might have to distroy your laptop” now my daughter is in the middle of her a levels and all her work was on this laptop, my daughter was so upset, the police even came to her school to interview her, they said that they will have to check her boyfriends computer also so my daughter had to tell her bf parents, as you can imagine that was humiliating for her.
meanwhile my husbands bail has ended and he is now free to come and go as he pleases, which is very stressful for me and the children as he thinks it’s not a big thing that he has done and has gone away for a break for the last two weeks as we are all so miserable, he is coming back next weekend as he has MS and is starting a new treatment next week, he said he wants to sleep in his own bed to recover! My family is 250 miles away so I can’t stay with them as the kids have to be at school for exams.
atm we are taking one day at a time, I’m hoping I can get the children through this without putting them through anymore.
sorry for long post, just needed to get it out.
Sending everyone going through this a hug, we could all do with one x
My heart goes out to you Coping. You are dealing with such a lot and your priority needs to be yourself and your children. I worry that your husband thinks it is no big deal, and you must not be bullied into accepting anything you are not happy with. If there is no alternative to living in the same house as your husband, I hope you find the strength and courage to set your own boundaries and terms. This is a huge betrayal, and for me personally the remorse has to be there, for there to be any chance of accepting and trying to understand what has gone on. I hope your husband seeks help from any of the very supportive groups out there - SAA, PAA, Smart Recovery. I would urge you to phone the helpline, as they are wonderful, kind, wise people who will help you to explore your own conflicting feelings. Your children need you, and you need people who are kind to you. Do take care of yourself as you stumble through the coming days and weeks, and know that we are all here in this club nobody wants to join, doing our best to cope and be of support to each other.
Thank you for your kind words Madeleine,
he has said he will get all the help he is offered but I think that is so it will look good in court, he is worried about the court case and the fact his family is splitting up but I’m not sure he truly realises how bad what he has done is, he is telling people we are splitting up because of his illness which makes me look like a horrible person.
my kids are my priority right now as they have had to deal with this and it’s been so hard on them, I’m hoping once they finish school in June we can sell up and move on until then I will just be surviving everyday
he has said he will get all the help he is offered but I think that is so it will look good in court, he is worried about the court case and the fact his family is splitting up but I’m not sure he truly realises how bad what he has done is, he is telling people we are splitting up because of his illness which makes me look like a horrible person.
my kids are my priority right now as they have had to deal with this and it’s been so hard on them, I’m hoping once they finish school in June we can sell up and move on until then I will just be surviving everyday
Oh Coping that sounds awful
You need to concentrate on you and the children, he doesnt sound like a very nice man unfortunately. Its amazing were with these men for years then this happens and we didnt actually know them!! My husband seems to be a stranger to me, hes certainly not the man i thought he was for 15 years.
Please try and take time out for you so you have the strength to keep going
Lots of love xx
You need to concentrate on you and the children, he doesnt sound like a very nice man unfortunately. Its amazing were with these men for years then this happens and we didnt actually know them!! My husband seems to be a stranger to me, hes certainly not the man i thought he was for 15 years.
Please try and take time out for you so you have the strength to keep going
Lots of love xx
Hi Coping. It’s so horrible that your daughter and her boyfriend have got caught up in it in that way.
I can’t work out all the different responses across the country. I had knock about same time as you but my partner not bailed, just under investigation and nobody said he couldn’t be at house, though I voluntarily put measures in place so he not alone in house with them. It seems like there is no consistent approach.
hope you are coping and your kids are coping too x
I can’t work out all the different responses across the country. I had knock about same time as you but my partner not bailed, just under investigation and nobody said he couldn’t be at house, though I voluntarily put measures in place so he not alone in house with them. It seems like there is no consistent approach.
hope you are coping and your kids are coping too x