feeling so sad
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Feeling so sad. Today I am packing my beautiful home by the sea and moving back to the mainland to be nearer my daughter and family.
I thought i had it all. After being widowed 12 years ago, I thought I had got a second chance at happiness. Now I am in the process of getting a divorce, selling my house, changing my name, giving up a job I love and moving away from my 2 amazing friends.
We split up 6 months ago and everywhere I go reminds me of the life I had and all my dreams for the future.This last 10 months has really taken a toll on me. First I had bad sciatica for 14 weeks and could hardly do anything, then I started to have awful panic attacks and anxiety. I knew the signs as I had it just before my late husband died. My anxiety was so bad 2 weeks before Christmas that My son in law drove 120 miles to pick me up. I could barely function. I arrived at their house 40 minutes before they announced the latest lockdown.
Because of this I realised how lonely I was as no one could come and see me and I felt so afraid and isolated. I was scared I would walk to the end of my road and jump off the cliff. My 2 daughters have been amazing, but I felt I was letting them down. I could not tell them about the knock for 9 weeks as I did not want them to worry and not be able to see me.
I am really looking forward to being near them and my Grandaughters, but I am so sad that my marriage has failed. I feel the only way is to start again. I am out of the loop regarding information on his case. However I know he told his family it was all a mistake and he has not been charged. They do not realise he is still under investigation. He also told them that I knew he watched porn. This is not true although I had a suspsion that he did occasionaly.
I hope to put this nightmare behind me, but how do I stop loving him? We kept contact for 4 months, until I realised he was constantly lying to me. I had hoped we could remain friends, but to do that he would need to face up to what he has done.
So it is with a heavy heart that I am packing and hoping to move in a few weeks. Family and friends tell me I am strong and will get through this. I am determined to rebuild my life and look forward, after all we can not change the past. It helps to know others are going through this, but it is so unfair.none of us deserve this.
I thought i had it all. After being widowed 12 years ago, I thought I had got a second chance at happiness. Now I am in the process of getting a divorce, selling my house, changing my name, giving up a job I love and moving away from my 2 amazing friends.
We split up 6 months ago and everywhere I go reminds me of the life I had and all my dreams for the future.This last 10 months has really taken a toll on me. First I had bad sciatica for 14 weeks and could hardly do anything, then I started to have awful panic attacks and anxiety. I knew the signs as I had it just before my late husband died. My anxiety was so bad 2 weeks before Christmas that My son in law drove 120 miles to pick me up. I could barely function. I arrived at their house 40 minutes before they announced the latest lockdown.
Because of this I realised how lonely I was as no one could come and see me and I felt so afraid and isolated. I was scared I would walk to the end of my road and jump off the cliff. My 2 daughters have been amazing, but I felt I was letting them down. I could not tell them about the knock for 9 weeks as I did not want them to worry and not be able to see me.
I am really looking forward to being near them and my Grandaughters, but I am so sad that my marriage has failed. I feel the only way is to start again. I am out of the loop regarding information on his case. However I know he told his family it was all a mistake and he has not been charged. They do not realise he is still under investigation. He also told them that I knew he watched porn. This is not true although I had a suspsion that he did occasionaly.
I hope to put this nightmare behind me, but how do I stop loving him? We kept contact for 4 months, until I realised he was constantly lying to me. I had hoped we could remain friends, but to do that he would need to face up to what he has done.
So it is with a heavy heart that I am packing and hoping to move in a few weeks. Family and friends tell me I am strong and will get through this. I am determined to rebuild my life and look forward, after all we can not change the past. It helps to know others are going through this, but it is so unfair.none of us deserve this.
Hi In Limbo,
It is positive to see that you have been able to use this forum as a place of emotional support as it sounds like you’re going through a very difficult time. I can see that your post has not yet received any replies, but hopefully others in a similar situation will soon be able to provide some support or advice.
Although it can be really confusing and difficult, it’s normal to feel really mixed emotions towards a loved one who has committed such an offence. You might feel anger, sadness or betrayal yet still love the person and the happy memories you created together. There is no right or wrong decision in terms of choosing to remain or leave your partner and I would like to reassure you that his offending is no fault of yours. I would encourage you to maintain honest and open communication any time you do speak with your partner but it is okay to take some time for yourself to help you process everything.
It’s positive to hear that your daughters have been supportive. I would encourage you to continue using them as a source of support but I also wonder whether you have received any professional support for your mental health? If not, I would encourage you to speak with your GP about the situation as they are best placed to provide you with or signpost you to any support. You may also wish to look for a therapist or counsellor by speciality or location via the BACP website (https://www.bacp.co.uk/). You can also call the Samaritans on 116 123 who are available 24/7 for emotional support.
Lastly, I would really encourage you to phone us on the Stop it Now! Helpline (0808 1000 900) where you will be able to discuss your situation and concerns further and receive ongoing support. Our helpline operators are well trained and speak to people in your situation every day. I would also like to assure you that our helpline is anonymous, confidential and free to phone from a landline.
Best wishes,
Lucy
It is positive to see that you have been able to use this forum as a place of emotional support as it sounds like you’re going through a very difficult time. I can see that your post has not yet received any replies, but hopefully others in a similar situation will soon be able to provide some support or advice.
Although it can be really confusing and difficult, it’s normal to feel really mixed emotions towards a loved one who has committed such an offence. You might feel anger, sadness or betrayal yet still love the person and the happy memories you created together. There is no right or wrong decision in terms of choosing to remain or leave your partner and I would like to reassure you that his offending is no fault of yours. I would encourage you to maintain honest and open communication any time you do speak with your partner but it is okay to take some time for yourself to help you process everything.
It’s positive to hear that your daughters have been supportive. I would encourage you to continue using them as a source of support but I also wonder whether you have received any professional support for your mental health? If not, I would encourage you to speak with your GP about the situation as they are best placed to provide you with or signpost you to any support. You may also wish to look for a therapist or counsellor by speciality or location via the BACP website (https://www.bacp.co.uk/). You can also call the Samaritans on 116 123 who are available 24/7 for emotional support.
Lastly, I would really encourage you to phone us on the Stop it Now! Helpline (0808 1000 900) where you will be able to discuss your situation and concerns further and receive ongoing support. Our helpline operators are well trained and speak to people in your situation every day. I would also like to assure you that our helpline is anonymous, confidential and free to phone from a landline.
Best wishes,
Lucy
Limbo,
So sorry to read your story, it's all so heartbreaking. I'm sending you a big hug and I hope you will take comfort in being close to your daughters and that one day soon you will be happy again. Xxx
So sorry to read your story, it's all so heartbreaking. I'm sending you a big hug and I hope you will take comfort in being close to your daughters and that one day soon you will be happy again. Xxx
In Limbo, I am so sorry that you are leaving your dream home. This situation is so destructive to everyone involved. It sounds like you have good supportive family and friends to lean on.
I know that at some point I will have to sell up and leave my home. I have no children or grandchildren, but have some great friends locally. I'm so scared of making the wrong decision of where to move to, and starting all over again at my age and with this horrid situation always with me in some way.
I wish you all the very best xx
I know that at some point I will have to sell up and leave my home. I have no children or grandchildren, but have some great friends locally. I'm so scared of making the wrong decision of where to move to, and starting all over again at my age and with this horrid situation always with me in some way.
I wish you all the very best xx
Hi Tabs. I am sad at leaving my house, but it is no longer my home. Just a roof over my head and somewhere to sleep and lots of memories. I shall be packing all the happy memories and taking them with me, and hopefully leaving the bad ones behind.
You said your scared you will make the wrong decission if you move. I am due to retire in a couple of years and this will be a whole new life for me. I know I can do it. I lost my lovely first husband to cancer after 31 happy years together. I thought when i remarried it would be forever. I made the wrong choice, but am glad i took the chance as we were together for 10 years and he helped me put my life back together. I did it then and can do it again, so can you.
You said your scared you will make the wrong decission if you move. I am due to retire in a couple of years and this will be a whole new life for me. I know I can do it. I lost my lovely first husband to cancer after 31 happy years together. I thought when i remarried it would be forever. I made the wrong choice, but am glad i took the chance as we were together for 10 years and he helped me put my life back together. I did it then and can do it again, so can you.
Thanks Dottie. Hopefully you will also be able to put this behind you and be happy a
s well.
s well.