Rant- 'tick boxing' comments from Authority
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Yet again my partner has had someone who has barely spoken to him more than two hours worth has written up a report essentially saying he went through the LF inform course to lesser his sentence and to get access to his kids.
Offenders seem to be damned if they try to rehabilitate between the knock and sentencing, yet damned if they don't because they will be criticised if they don't try to better themselves!
My partner is trying so hard to get contact with his kids through visitation centre. The problem is he does, I think, put too much emphasis on this when talking to those in authority that they think he doesn't take his offending seriously! What do they expect him to do? Be miserable and constantly think about the damage he has done? He has reflected on his actions, the inform course helped him so much to get answers and address his triggers. Bad mental state is a trigger for him to go to bad coping mechanisms (like anyone else). Comments hinting they think he has done rehabilitation as tick boxing excersie is hurtful!
Now CAFCASS has recommended he gets a private assessment done. Unfortunately our plan to submit the probation assessment has back fired because it put him down as medium risk. But if he is in a contact centre how can he offend if they are so concerned? Guessing CAFCASS have no faith in the contact centres? Then why have them?!
Offenders seem to be damned if they try to rehabilitate between the knock and sentencing, yet damned if they don't because they will be criticised if they don't try to better themselves!
My partner is trying so hard to get contact with his kids through visitation centre. The problem is he does, I think, put too much emphasis on this when talking to those in authority that they think he doesn't take his offending seriously! What do they expect him to do? Be miserable and constantly think about the damage he has done? He has reflected on his actions, the inform course helped him so much to get answers and address his triggers. Bad mental state is a trigger for him to go to bad coping mechanisms (like anyone else). Comments hinting they think he has done rehabilitation as tick boxing excersie is hurtful!
Now CAFCASS has recommended he gets a private assessment done. Unfortunately our plan to submit the probation assessment has back fired because it put him down as medium risk. But if he is in a contact centre how can he offend if they are so concerned? Guessing CAFCASS have no faith in the contact centres? Then why have them?!
Majestic I totally agree with you saying that they're damned if they do and damned if they don't..feels like that for us aswell..its ok for our daughter to hug her dad when she sees him but if she hugs him 2 much that might be a concern!!!how can a child who isn't seeing her dad from one minute to the next supposed to be with him when she does see him?
She's a touch over affectionate at the moment when we have contact because she doesn't know when she's going to see him again.. when he was living at home it wasn't an issue for her because she knew that dad was here and she could see him whenever she wanted to..
They want to see u can be protective but yet still dnt think so even in a contact centre..
Hope u get your answers xx
She's a touch over affectionate at the moment when we have contact because she doesn't know when she's going to see him again.. when he was living at home it wasn't an issue for her because she knew that dad was here and she could see him whenever she wanted to..
They want to see u can be protective but yet still dnt think so even in a contact centre..
Hope u get your answers xx
Thanks Annie.
It is all so frustrating. I wish we just got a private assessment done, but we were quoted at 3k from Lucy faithful (and that was discounted). We dont have that kind of money, and I'm not sure how much a benefit it will be when my partner has been working with his probation team for well over a year.
This process is so long! He submitted to the courts nearly a year ago and won't be heard until July. Now I'm worried they will see him having an assessment as another tick boxing excersie just because CAFCASS have recommended it.
He pays for his kids, sends presents. He wants to open a savings account for them. He cares for his children and wants to do his best to make up for the hurt he has caused them.
It is all so frustrating. I wish we just got a private assessment done, but we were quoted at 3k from Lucy faithful (and that was discounted). We dont have that kind of money, and I'm not sure how much a benefit it will be when my partner has been working with his probation team for well over a year.
This process is so long! He submitted to the courts nearly a year ago and won't be heard until July. Now I'm worried they will see him having an assessment as another tick boxing excersie just because CAFCASS have recommended it.
He pays for his kids, sends presents. He wants to open a savings account for them. He cares for his children and wants to do his best to make up for the hurt he has caused them.
He'd be slated if he didn't mention wanting to see his children as they'd probably call him self involved and not understanding the importance of consistency of relationship etc. How are you meant to win.
It so depends on which worker is allocated and their preconceived ideas of the offender. He has the right to read and respond to the report. He probably can not change the report but his opinions can be recorded.
xXx
It so depends on which worker is allocated and their preconceived ideas of the offender. He has the right to read and respond to the report. He probably can not change the report but his opinions can be recorded.
xXx
My partner is going to respond over the next few days with the help of his probation officer. The problem is he didn't record these phone calls and doesn't make notes. E.g. he believes he stated he did the course to help himself AND knew it would help towards his case at the family courts. If this is true CAFCASS only paid attention to the fact he implied he did the course as a tick box excersie.
He is self representating in family courts but maybe this was a bad idea. Didnt think it would be this hard to get supervised contact centre access. We will keep fighting Tho. I hope the private assessment gives a better reflection on my partner that the courts will pay attention to.
He is self representating in family courts but maybe this was a bad idea. Didnt think it would be this hard to get supervised contact centre access. We will keep fighting Tho. I hope the private assessment gives a better reflection on my partner that the courts will pay attention to.
An update on what is essentially a farce, my partner is too low a risk for probation to provide a risk assessment that CAFCASS are requesting...
Private it is then. Tho i have told my partner this multiple times and offered to loan him money but he is so determined to get this as cheap as possible or for free.
This is just another price he has to pay for his terrible actions and he needs to just get on with it and try to find the money. He does procrastinate when it comes to applying for things. Took him a year to finally send the divorce application when I asked. Took him 6 months to apply to family courts after his sentence. Most of these is due to money but I still think he delays and delays because he doesn't want the stress.
Private it is then. Tho i have told my partner this multiple times and offered to loan him money but he is so determined to get this as cheap as possible or for free.
This is just another price he has to pay for his terrible actions and he needs to just get on with it and try to find the money. He does procrastinate when it comes to applying for things. Took him a year to finally send the divorce application when I asked. Took him 6 months to apply to family courts after his sentence. Most of these is due to money but I still think he delays and delays because he doesn't want the stress.
Majestic how do i go about getting a private assessment done please I am now doing my own case to put to ss,,
Hi Vickie. There is thread somewhere on here with some tips that have helped. But can't locate it :( the search bar could help.
Have yet to find someone to do the assessment but my partner has asked around just waiting to hear quotes.
Lucy faithful do one but it is pricey. A couple of grand. And tbh that is probably going to be the case no matter where you look.
Main thing is to double check the criteria needed. CAFCASS haven't replied yet on what they want.
Have yet to find someone to do the assessment but my partner has asked around just waiting to hear quotes.
Lucy faithful do one but it is pricey. A couple of grand. And tbh that is probably going to be the case no matter where you look.
Main thing is to double check the criteria needed. CAFCASS haven't replied yet on what they want.
Update on the CAFCASS assessment.
My partner has been trying to get a hold of the person who wrote the report to the judge to ask what private assessment criteria is needed. They have come back and said it is up to the judge!
Thenext court date is in July ! This family court case has been ongoing since march last year. We can't afford to spend thousands of pounds for an assessment that might not meet the needs of the judge.
My partner is losing the motivation to see his kids. The knock backs through this process is taking its toll. I suggested we get a family court solicitor and contact the family rights group. Tbh I find his lack of action sometimes frustrating. But we both work full time and I think he is worried about cost. I have offered to help money wise but he doesn't want to borrow.
How can I help him stay motivated?
My partner has been trying to get a hold of the person who wrote the report to the judge to ask what private assessment criteria is needed. They have come back and said it is up to the judge!
Thenext court date is in July ! This family court case has been ongoing since march last year. We can't afford to spend thousands of pounds for an assessment that might not meet the needs of the judge.
My partner is losing the motivation to see his kids. The knock backs through this process is taking its toll. I suggested we get a family court solicitor and contact the family rights group. Tbh I find his lack of action sometimes frustrating. But we both work full time and I think he is worried about cost. I have offered to help money wise but he doesn't want to borrow.
How can I help him stay motivated?
Hi Lee.
I will try to persuade him to ring the family rights group, I wish I could do it for him but they are his kids and his problem really. Or should I step in? I keep thinking should I be putting such much starin on myself about his kids when I haven't even met them. But I feel connected in a way because he is my partner.
We have tried to contact Steve through his private practice but no luck. By phone and by email...so looking for alternatives.
My partner did get some free advice from a solicitor but this was years ago and I dont know if the advice really factored in his conviction (the advice was given before he was sentenced). I defo think he needs a solicitor to try to get this process moving more. I would hope they would add pressure for someone in authority to make their minds up.
It has been a lot of to and fro. Judge asks CAFCASS for recommendation and then CAFCASS come back to say the judge is to decide what assessment is needed. I know coivd has led to delays but at the end of the day the longer this goes on the worse it will be for the kids.
The report from CAFCASS implies that time has gone by so much that reintroduction to the kids would be detrimental to a degree. My partner has done a course through probation on how to reconnect with his children. We are under no illusion that this will be hard for all those involved.
I did say he needs real legal advice to understand if he has a chance to get visitation rights. What if he is spending all this time and money for nothing? I know we can't have a crystal ball but we are so in the dark.
I will try to persuade him to ring the family rights group, I wish I could do it for him but they are his kids and his problem really. Or should I step in? I keep thinking should I be putting such much starin on myself about his kids when I haven't even met them. But I feel connected in a way because he is my partner.
We have tried to contact Steve through his private practice but no luck. By phone and by email...so looking for alternatives.
My partner did get some free advice from a solicitor but this was years ago and I dont know if the advice really factored in his conviction (the advice was given before he was sentenced). I defo think he needs a solicitor to try to get this process moving more. I would hope they would add pressure for someone in authority to make their minds up.
It has been a lot of to and fro. Judge asks CAFCASS for recommendation and then CAFCASS come back to say the judge is to decide what assessment is needed. I know coivd has led to delays but at the end of the day the longer this goes on the worse it will be for the kids.
The report from CAFCASS implies that time has gone by so much that reintroduction to the kids would be detrimental to a degree. My partner has done a course through probation on how to reconnect with his children. We are under no illusion that this will be hard for all those involved.
I did say he needs real legal advice to understand if he has a chance to get visitation rights. What if he is spending all this time and money for nothing? I know we can't have a crystal ball but we are so in the dark.