SOR etc
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Hi
A few will have read my story
It is regarding my dad, I do not live at home
He is due in court soon for iioc - which he was unknowingly sent viewed and closed them, think he is being charged with low end of images - which is still horrendous no matter what he has a porn addiction and was so numb to it all he didn't even think to report it
Fast forward cps have decided to charge- I know the outcome will be different to each person
I was wondering does everyone get put on sor and sohp (not sure if that's right) I'm pregnant with my first child and super worried about the issues surrounding this even though we don't live there will I still have sw involvement this will kill my dad and my other half doesn't know this is possible and I know he will be so upset and angry if it is true
I'm in such a bad place just trying to enjoy my pregnancy
A few will have read my story
It is regarding my dad, I do not live at home
He is due in court soon for iioc - which he was unknowingly sent viewed and closed them, think he is being charged with low end of images - which is still horrendous no matter what he has a porn addiction and was so numb to it all he didn't even think to report it
Fast forward cps have decided to charge- I know the outcome will be different to each person
I was wondering does everyone get put on sor and sohp (not sure if that's right) I'm pregnant with my first child and super worried about the issues surrounding this even though we don't live there will I still have sw involvement this will kill my dad and my other half doesn't know this is possible and I know he will be so upset and angry if it is true
I'm in such a bad place just trying to enjoy my pregnancy
Also the media - me and sister (who is still at home) both have jobs where this could be very detrimental- my dad is speaking to solicitors today I believe is there anything we can do about the media as this could potentially ruin our careers (even though I don't live there)
I've read a few stories where it can literally be down the the day and the judge
I thought that would be the case with the sor etc I had seen the odd post where partners etc hasn't been out on but I knownits very likely, was up all night thinking how with those I'm assuming my dad couldn't attend a future christening as our friends with children etc would be there :(
My boyfriend knows just about everything we know my dad has done wrong and don't think he is the dreaded p word he does have phases where he struggles to understand why he didn't report what he saw but understands what the porn addiction etc has done - I just haven't mentioned the whole potential sw stuff as I think he would be really angry about this
Hes worried if it comes out in the media what his family will do/think and also our friends he has already mentioned if it comes out we have to move - I'd rather not but he is my family and if that's what we need to do then we will
How can someone else's actions ruin everyone's lives :(
I thought that would be the case with the sor etc I had seen the odd post where partners etc hasn't been out on but I knownits very likely, was up all night thinking how with those I'm assuming my dad couldn't attend a future christening as our friends with children etc would be there :(
My boyfriend knows just about everything we know my dad has done wrong and don't think he is the dreaded p word he does have phases where he struggles to understand why he didn't report what he saw but understands what the porn addiction etc has done - I just haven't mentioned the whole potential sw stuff as I think he would be really angry about this
Hes worried if it comes out in the media what his family will do/think and also our friends he has already mentioned if it comes out we have to move - I'd rather not but he is my family and if that's what we need to do then we will
How can someone else's actions ruin everyone's lives :(
I had seen somewhere about being able to do character references etc which I will do, my dad is not a bad person it's been 6 months and it's put so much strain on our relationship but I love my dad and I want to support him
This has destroyed us all enough and my dad knows he has ruined so much by his stupid mistakes but I honestly believe if this is in the media it will ruin everything I know that maybe sounds silly but I can't see a way back if it does :(
Thankyou for always supporting and reply lee1969 you have some wonderful help and support xx
This has destroyed us all enough and my dad knows he has ruined so much by his stupid mistakes but I honestly believe if this is in the media it will ruin everything I know that maybe sounds silly but I can't see a way back if it does :(
Thankyou for always supporting and reply lee1969 you have some wonderful help and support xx
In regard to family gatherings. My partner is on SOR and has a SHPO. He is allowed to attend family events but not allowed to stay over night where children will be.
No one in my family side know of his offence and the SW and Police do not need me to tell family with children because we don't have that many gatherings (just bday, anniversaries etc).
For kids he may be around more often then he is required to let the parents know of his offence.
It is near impossible for offenders to be away from children but it is all about managing it really. Sounds bad but I stick to my partner when there are kids about to make sure he isn't alone with them- for his protection and theirs.
So I would expect family events like baptism will be fine- tho the SHPO will be clearer on that. And if he is ever in doubt he can ask his police liaison.
No one in my family side know of his offence and the SW and Police do not need me to tell family with children because we don't have that many gatherings (just bday, anniversaries etc).
For kids he may be around more often then he is required to let the parents know of his offence.
It is near impossible for offenders to be away from children but it is all about managing it really. Sounds bad but I stick to my partner when there are kids about to make sure he isn't alone with them- for his protection and theirs.
So I would expect family events like baptism will be fine- tho the SHPO will be clearer on that. And if he is ever in doubt he can ask his police liaison.
Hi
I found this Web page useful to try and guage what the outcome may be
https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/indecent-and-prohibited-images-children
It really does depend what the catagories are and what charges are brought against your dad. In my exs case it was many cat A and that is 10 years on the SOR.
Do you know his charge date? I couldn't imagine being pregnant through this hell. Sending lots of love xx
In regards to the media, in his case it came out all over socials and local press. It hit me like a cannon ball because no one in my life knew then my phone was going off yazz are you okay? (I ended the relationship months prior) and I prayed every night for this not to come out as I would of took this to the grave but it did and honestly I think the worrying I did every night was far worse than it actually coming out. I had no more worrying ahead other than rebuilding my life. Its out and that's that. It's easier said than done but honestly you do get through it. I don't think there is anything you can do to stop it coming out online. It does eventually become old news. I got some cbt therapy through NHS my gp and that really helped me to control my thoughts.
It's so hard isn't it because it impacts so many people's lives their mistake and we have to somehow make sense of it, battle through the limbo of it and try and move forward.
You need to do what's best for you and baby. This should be a happy time for you. I really hope you have a supportive partner who is there for you.
X
I found this Web page useful to try and guage what the outcome may be
https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/indecent-and-prohibited-images-children
It really does depend what the catagories are and what charges are brought against your dad. In my exs case it was many cat A and that is 10 years on the SOR.
Do you know his charge date? I couldn't imagine being pregnant through this hell. Sending lots of love xx
In regards to the media, in his case it came out all over socials and local press. It hit me like a cannon ball because no one in my life knew then my phone was going off yazz are you okay? (I ended the relationship months prior) and I prayed every night for this not to come out as I would of took this to the grave but it did and honestly I think the worrying I did every night was far worse than it actually coming out. I had no more worrying ahead other than rebuilding my life. Its out and that's that. It's easier said than done but honestly you do get through it. I don't think there is anything you can do to stop it coming out online. It does eventually become old news. I got some cbt therapy through NHS my gp and that really helped me to control my thoughts.
It's so hard isn't it because it impacts so many people's lives their mistake and we have to somehow make sense of it, battle through the limbo of it and try and move forward.
You need to do what's best for you and baby. This should be a happy time for you. I really hope you have a supportive partner who is there for you.
X
Hi BS
My husbands SHPO has no contact with anyone under 16 unless with a parent or guardian who is aware of the offence. I specifically asked his police offender manager what would happen in the case of a wedding / funeral, and this was their advice
he would not be prevented from attending such events in a public setting (eg church, hotel)
to protect himself, it would be beneficial to ensure that he was accompanied at all times where possible
if he needed to go use the bathroom for example, their advice was for me to stand outside. Not sure what protected that would really give as I wouldn't know who was in there already or be able to stop someone from going on after him. But I guess is some form of alibi.
Every SHPO is different, so best to confirm with the team that would be managing them.
My husbands SHPO has no contact with anyone under 16 unless with a parent or guardian who is aware of the offence. I specifically asked his police offender manager what would happen in the case of a wedding / funeral, and this was their advice
he would not be prevented from attending such events in a public setting (eg church, hotel)
to protect himself, it would be beneficial to ensure that he was accompanied at all times where possible
if he needed to go use the bathroom for example, their advice was for me to stand outside. Not sure what protected that would really give as I wouldn't know who was in there already or be able to stop someone from going on after him. But I guess is some form of alibi.
Every SHPO is different, so best to confirm with the team that would be managing them.
Lee1969
Thanks again for replying, oh that must have been awful for you all, its nice to hear that as hard as that was for you all that you are past that and rebuilding your lives as a family!
It'd heartbreaking that someone can make such a mistake with so many detrimental consequences! I think eventually we can move on too and deal with what has happened - but I know if it does get out it will be a lot harder to move on - but I suppose we can only cross that bridge when it comes to it!
Thanks again for replying, oh that must have been awful for you all, its nice to hear that as hard as that was for you all that you are past that and rebuilding your lives as a family!
It'd heartbreaking that someone can make such a mistake with so many detrimental consequences! I think eventually we can move on too and deal with what has happened - but I know if it does get out it will be a lot harder to move on - but I suppose we can only cross that bridge when it comes to it!
Majestictopaz15
Thankyou for replying and your advice on Sor and shpo - I'm hoping that this is similar to what may happen with my dad - if his case doesn't get out in the media (I'm praying beyond belief that it doesn't)
Do you mind me asking what your partner was charged with?
I suppose we will only know the outcomes when he has been to court :(
Thankyou for replying and your advice on Sor and shpo - I'm hoping that this is similar to what may happen with my dad - if his case doesn't get out in the media (I'm praying beyond belief that it doesn't)
Do you mind me asking what your partner was charged with?
I suppose we will only know the outcomes when he has been to court :(
Yazznan
Thankyou for taking the time to read and reply
I will take a look at the link you sent over
I don't know the exact date but I believe it's soon- I kind of don't want to know so the date is looming for me
It's been okay until it all came crashing down when he got his court summons I'm trying to keep myself calm and maybe I am blocking the whole situation out but it's the only way I feel I can protect myself and baby
It really is the one biggest mistake my dad has ever made - he's very remorseful and knows what he has done is so wrong, he's really struggling with his mental health
My partner is very supportive but I think is finding it hard knowing that in a short amount of time potentially everyone around us could know :( x
Thankyou for taking the time to read and reply
I will take a look at the link you sent over
I don't know the exact date but I believe it's soon- I kind of don't want to know so the date is looming for me
It's been okay until it all came crashing down when he got his court summons I'm trying to keep myself calm and maybe I am blocking the whole situation out but it's the only way I feel I can protect myself and baby
It really is the one biggest mistake my dad has ever made - he's very remorseful and knows what he has done is so wrong, he's really struggling with his mental health
My partner is very supportive but I think is finding it hard knowing that in a short amount of time potentially everyone around us could know :( x
Mjl73
Thankyou for reading and replying and also your information on sor and shpo
I'm hoping that is the case with my dad especially if it doesn't come out in the media ????
Can I ask what your husband was charged with if that's okay?
Thankyou
Thankyou for reading and replying and also your information on sor and shpo
I'm hoping that is the case with my dad especially if it doesn't come out in the media ????
Can I ask what your husband was charged with if that's okay?
Thankyou
He was charged for possession and distribution of all categories of iioc and the same for prohibited images (animals...). Plead guilty to all.
The wording is something like 'the making and distribution of category x' and listed these as a charge each. So I think was 4 or five charges in total. Making basically means making a copy/file- not production.
So he didn't have a contact or communication offence charge. His are only regarding iioc etc.
He was passed a two year sentence, with 2 year suspension. 200 hours of community service to be completed within two years, SOR and SHPO for 10 years. He is about a year and quarter into his sentence.
Not going to lie it seemed like in court he was going to be sent to prison there and then...and tbh I'm surprised he didn't especially after they stated the ages of the victims. It wasn't explained in detail why they went for suspension. We submitted character references and he had done the LF course.
The wording is something like 'the making and distribution of category x' and listed these as a charge each. So I think was 4 or five charges in total. Making basically means making a copy/file- not production.
So he didn't have a contact or communication offence charge. His are only regarding iioc etc.
He was passed a two year sentence, with 2 year suspension. 200 hours of community service to be completed within two years, SOR and SHPO for 10 years. He is about a year and quarter into his sentence.
Not going to lie it seemed like in court he was going to be sent to prison there and then...and tbh I'm surprised he didn't especially after they stated the ages of the victims. It wasn't explained in detail why they went for suspension. We submitted character references and he had done the LF course.
He was charged with communication offence with a decoy and arranging to meet. No iioc.
16 months suspended for 2 years, 10 year SOR and indefinite SHPO (which means indefinite SOR).
16 months suspended for 2 years, 10 year SOR and indefinite SHPO (which means indefinite SOR).
Majestictopaz15
Thankyou and sorry fir what you have been through
I hate the face that they use the wording 'making' it makes it seem as though they have actually made the original photos/images!
Think my dad's is viewing a handful (unintentionally I suppose but doesn't matter) whatever that will be down as, think cat b/c (my family are keeping it low key for me with me being pregnant as they are worried the stress will cause me and is causing me
I hope you are finding some closure or you will in the future x
Thankyou and sorry fir what you have been through
I hate the face that they use the wording 'making' it makes it seem as though they have actually made the original photos/images!
Think my dad's is viewing a handful (unintentionally I suppose but doesn't matter) whatever that will be down as, think cat b/c (my family are keeping it low key for me with me being pregnant as they are worried the stress will cause me and is causing me
I hope you are finding some closure or you will in the future x
Mjl73
Thankyou for replying - just trying to get a feel what my dad might get but also know it can just be the judge on the day!
Hope you are finding some closure or will in the future x
Thankyou for replying - just trying to get a feel what my dad might get but also know it can just be the judge on the day!
Hope you are finding some closure or will in the future x
It's almost impossible to compare between sentencing, there seems to be a huge variety between the sentences people get for what on the surface seem like very similar offences.
I will give you the same advice that my husbands barrister gave him. Prepare for the worse and hope for the best. The solicitor should be able to tell you based on the actual charges what the best and worst outcomes could be based on the sentencing guidelines.
We're about 1 1/2 years down the line now. I won't say life is back to normal, but it feels like we have a new normal. For me, lockdown massively helped, although it never made the media people still found out, and so I had got so paranoid and didn't want to go out. As soon as lockdown hit and there were less people about and less risk of bumping into someone I actually started to go out more, even if that was just for a walk/run. We even had some old friends make contact again.
I will give you the same advice that my husbands barrister gave him. Prepare for the worse and hope for the best. The solicitor should be able to tell you based on the actual charges what the best and worst outcomes could be based on the sentencing guidelines.
We're about 1 1/2 years down the line now. I won't say life is back to normal, but it feels like we have a new normal. For me, lockdown massively helped, although it never made the media people still found out, and so I had got so paranoid and didn't want to go out. As soon as lockdown hit and there were less people about and less risk of bumping into someone I actually started to go out more, even if that was just for a walk/run. We even had some old friends make contact again.