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Hi to anyone that may be reading this.
I have been reading the posts on this forum on and off for about a year, this is my first post.
About a year ago I discovered my boyfriend had indecent images of children on his phone, there were about 4, he said it was only this time and since I see he has had a porn addiction from being a young teen. We had been together for two years, my heart felt like it has been completely ripped out. I found the pictures, which has been hard to process in itself, after seeing them. I broke up with him because I felt I had to and also told my best friend what had happened. Since we got back together and he got some therapy through Get Help Stop It Now. We were happy from then on but unfortunately it always played on my mind and bascially ended up eating me up. Only a few days ago, since starting therapy and opening up about my experience, did I break up with him again and report him to the police. My best friend tells me he is manipulative and this was a great decision. From a safeguarding perspective, I am glad I did it but utterly heartbroken. I am only 20, so it may seem odd to want to stick around with him, but I don't think he is a bad person. When I broke up with him a couple of days ago, he asked me if we could still be friends and I said no. This hurt like nothing else, he was my best friend. I felt I should say no for my own mental health and also due to reporting him. I am unsure as to whether anything has happened to him yet regarding me doing so.
I wondered if any of you brave women have any advice for me. It may seem stupid at my age to want to see him, our relationship hasn't always been the best and my best friend hates hates hates him and says in time I will know what an awful person he is. I just don't feel that though. I have written him a letter and in the summer, before we start uni again, I would like to send it to him. I am waiting because I think as much as I want to I know we both need time. Is it weird to want to see him again next year? I felt like he was my soulmate and he loved/loves me so much. I may be living with my best friend next year so I am terrified she will stop me seeing him if I want too. I am also scared he may move on over the summer and not forgive me.
Long post I know, but I am very grateful for any help I recieve.
B x
I have been reading the posts on this forum on and off for about a year, this is my first post.
About a year ago I discovered my boyfriend had indecent images of children on his phone, there were about 4, he said it was only this time and since I see he has had a porn addiction from being a young teen. We had been together for two years, my heart felt like it has been completely ripped out. I found the pictures, which has been hard to process in itself, after seeing them. I broke up with him because I felt I had to and also told my best friend what had happened. Since we got back together and he got some therapy through Get Help Stop It Now. We were happy from then on but unfortunately it always played on my mind and bascially ended up eating me up. Only a few days ago, since starting therapy and opening up about my experience, did I break up with him again and report him to the police. My best friend tells me he is manipulative and this was a great decision. From a safeguarding perspective, I am glad I did it but utterly heartbroken. I am only 20, so it may seem odd to want to stick around with him, but I don't think he is a bad person. When I broke up with him a couple of days ago, he asked me if we could still be friends and I said no. This hurt like nothing else, he was my best friend. I felt I should say no for my own mental health and also due to reporting him. I am unsure as to whether anything has happened to him yet regarding me doing so.
I wondered if any of you brave women have any advice for me. It may seem stupid at my age to want to see him, our relationship hasn't always been the best and my best friend hates hates hates him and says in time I will know what an awful person he is. I just don't feel that though. I have written him a letter and in the summer, before we start uni again, I would like to send it to him. I am waiting because I think as much as I want to I know we both need time. Is it weird to want to see him again next year? I felt like he was my soulmate and he loved/loves me so much. I may be living with my best friend next year so I am terrified she will stop me seeing him if I want too. I am also scared he may move on over the summer and not forgive me.
Long post I know, but I am very grateful for any help I recieve.
B x
Also, I have just read an article someone put up about porn addiction and it stated what happens once you report someone. I had assumed in the next week they would have phone ect taken away and, as I believe it to be around 4 clothed images, he may have a warning and be sent in the direction of help. This article said they will likely be on the register for around 5-10 years... they may find it hard to get a job and the process can take around 12-18 months...! I had no idea about this and I am becoming so utterly terrified of what I have done. I am scared that he may do something to himself if he has to deal with this for this long and he is very intelligent/wants a phd, which he may not be able to do? Have I just ruined his life. I cannot explain how awful I suddenly feel, I do not think he is a pe** (don't know if I'm allowed to use that word) but an addict and now I have ruined his life.
It is NOT your fault
He would have been found at some point even if you had not reported him, what he was doing was highly dangerous
He will just have to accept the consequences of his actions (not yours) and live his life. I don't think you should blame yourself if it affects his job prospects!
Personally I am going through something similar but not a partner, I don't get the porn addiction part, it is not an excuse they would know straight away from the image what they were doing was wrong. If received by mistake they would have reported to the local police. I just think there is something else wrong in the head, it cannot just be put down to porn addiction
He would have been found at some point even if you had not reported him, what he was doing was highly dangerous
He will just have to accept the consequences of his actions (not yours) and live his life. I don't think you should blame yourself if it affects his job prospects!
Personally I am going through something similar but not a partner, I don't get the porn addiction part, it is not an excuse they would know straight away from the image what they were doing was wrong. If received by mistake they would have reported to the local police. I just think there is something else wrong in the head, it cannot just be put down to porn addiction
Hi
I understand why you are feeling confused and worried. My thoughts-
If your boyfriend/ex is aroused by images of children, then he definitely needs help. If he has committed an offence/could be a danger to children, he should expect there could be legal consequences to his actions. So I don't think you should question yourself. You took the action you believed to be appropriate. And now need to let the Police act upon that information.
Your friends think he is manipulative. Do you think this too? Do you want to stay with him and support him, or do you want to leave?
I understand why you are feeling confused and worried. My thoughts-
If your boyfriend/ex is aroused by images of children, then he definitely needs help. If he has committed an offence/could be a danger to children, he should expect there could be legal consequences to his actions. So I don't think you should question yourself. You took the action you believed to be appropriate. And now need to let the Police act upon that information.
Your friends think he is manipulative. Do you think this too? Do you want to stay with him and support him, or do you want to leave?
Hi there. Sorry you are finding yourself in this situation.
You absolutely did the right thing by reporting what you had found, don't let anyone including yourself ever doubt that. Ultimately if he ends up on the SOR etc as a result, that is not your fault, that is a consequence of his actions and he needs to take responsibility for that. It might actually be that he was already on their radar anyway, internet providers and social media and the police have a lot of applications that are running 24-7 to try and catch this content and those accessing it.
Flip it round the other way, how would you feel if you hadn't reported it and in a few years time you read in the paper that he was charged with a more serious offence knowing that you could potentially have stopped that.
I know there have been others who have found images and reported their partners to the police. It's not an easy think to do that's for sure.
You may find it useful to call the LFF helpline, they can help you to work through how you are feeling right now
You absolutely did the right thing by reporting what you had found, don't let anyone including yourself ever doubt that. Ultimately if he ends up on the SOR etc as a result, that is not your fault, that is a consequence of his actions and he needs to take responsibility for that. It might actually be that he was already on their radar anyway, internet providers and social media and the police have a lot of applications that are running 24-7 to try and catch this content and those accessing it.
Flip it round the other way, how would you feel if you hadn't reported it and in a few years time you read in the paper that he was charged with a more serious offence knowing that you could potentially have stopped that.
I know there have been others who have found images and reported their partners to the police. It's not an easy think to do that's for sure.
You may find it useful to call the LFF helpline, they can help you to work through how you are feeling right now
I think you've been very brave reporting him. You know it's wrong. He could be stopped before going too far with a child.
Don't question what you have done. You have definately done the right thing. This addiction only gets worse until it gets stopped.
X
Don't question what you have done. You have definately done the right thing. This addiction only gets worse until it gets stopped.
X
Thank you for your replies everyone