Hope for the future ....
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This is my first time post as I have plucked up the courage and feel it is the right time for me to share my story and offer my support to the other ladies on here going through these traumatic events.
My journey began in July 2019 and my husband was arrested for possession of IIOC, through a porn addiction, no sharing or distribution, contact or communication offence charge. Police bailed him to the family home; no unsupervised contact of children under 18 and the next day SS as we have a teenage son advised him to move out while we had our initial assessment.
My husband ended up out of the home; in a flat in the next town for the duration of the case and beyond and we were put on a CIN plan. We were allowed supervised contact outside in the community and over the phone if I was in the room.
I decided to stand by my husband. We kept it quiet, because we were of the understanding that the less people that knew the better. We chose to tell no one of our families; both sets of our parents have died and I sought help from a counsellor and my husband went on antidepressants.
Within the second month we began another assessment to have supervised contact within the home. Eventually in November we were allowed supervised contact in the home one afternoon after school and one weekend day after our time in the community. By May and after yet two more assessments we ended up with 4 days (so many hours each day), we had been on a CIN plan by then for 10 months; SS monthly meetings and monthly visits to the home and the case closed in June.
In June husband was charged with high numbers in all three categories A. B and C, no second interview and Magistrates; no more than twenty minutes in August. I didn’t attend and no media attention. I deactivated my Facebook account two weeks before Magistrates. A pre-sentence report was completed and Crown Court four weeks later in September.
After the Magistrates my husband signed on to the SOR within 3 days. Bail conditions changed to no unsupervised contact with children under 16. It all started then; my husband was visited by his offender manager who forced him to tell our niece as she has young children. In turn his brother was told and since then neither have spoken to him. We were even told by SS in the beginning we didn’t have to as long as I was the supervising adult.
It hit two local online papers three weeks after the Magistrates. On the day of the Crown Court I went with my husband but didn’t go into the Court room. I had prepared a character reference for the Judge. A reporter was in the court room and outside the photographer chased him around and took a photo. It was on the front page of the online news in two local papers and again at the end of September because they had no other news due to COVID it hit it again with “the best of.” This was my worst nightmare as it was out of my control.
My husband received 8 months suspended for 18 mths; 120 hours of community service, 10 days rehabilitation activity requirement; 10 years SOR and 10 years SHPO
Moving forward I reopened the case with SS and we undertook another 6 session assessment last October. Finally in November we were given the good news that he could move back home.
We are now up to the next stage with probation, community service and police checking devices. I want to say how strong the ladies are on here; you can do it. My advice is to read all of the old posts, contact the Helpline, seek counselling, do the Inform course if you can and write a list of three things to do every day. I felt that it was me on trial as well with SS and the best article I read to help me deal with SS being a protective parent - I found on the Family Rights Group. Google - "London Safeguarding Children Board Guidelines Assessing …"
Thank you for reading my story and especially to Lee1969, Majestictopaz15, Summer, Tabs, Sally Blue, Lost 123 and many others who continue to help with their stories on my journey; please don't hesitate to reach out.
One day at a time ....
My journey began in July 2019 and my husband was arrested for possession of IIOC, through a porn addiction, no sharing or distribution, contact or communication offence charge. Police bailed him to the family home; no unsupervised contact of children under 18 and the next day SS as we have a teenage son advised him to move out while we had our initial assessment.
My husband ended up out of the home; in a flat in the next town for the duration of the case and beyond and we were put on a CIN plan. We were allowed supervised contact outside in the community and over the phone if I was in the room.
I decided to stand by my husband. We kept it quiet, because we were of the understanding that the less people that knew the better. We chose to tell no one of our families; both sets of our parents have died and I sought help from a counsellor and my husband went on antidepressants.
Within the second month we began another assessment to have supervised contact within the home. Eventually in November we were allowed supervised contact in the home one afternoon after school and one weekend day after our time in the community. By May and after yet two more assessments we ended up with 4 days (so many hours each day), we had been on a CIN plan by then for 10 months; SS monthly meetings and monthly visits to the home and the case closed in June.
In June husband was charged with high numbers in all three categories A. B and C, no second interview and Magistrates; no more than twenty minutes in August. I didn’t attend and no media attention. I deactivated my Facebook account two weeks before Magistrates. A pre-sentence report was completed and Crown Court four weeks later in September.
After the Magistrates my husband signed on to the SOR within 3 days. Bail conditions changed to no unsupervised contact with children under 16. It all started then; my husband was visited by his offender manager who forced him to tell our niece as she has young children. In turn his brother was told and since then neither have spoken to him. We were even told by SS in the beginning we didn’t have to as long as I was the supervising adult.
It hit two local online papers three weeks after the Magistrates. On the day of the Crown Court I went with my husband but didn’t go into the Court room. I had prepared a character reference for the Judge. A reporter was in the court room and outside the photographer chased him around and took a photo. It was on the front page of the online news in two local papers and again at the end of September because they had no other news due to COVID it hit it again with “the best of.” This was my worst nightmare as it was out of my control.
My husband received 8 months suspended for 18 mths; 120 hours of community service, 10 days rehabilitation activity requirement; 10 years SOR and 10 years SHPO
Moving forward I reopened the case with SS and we undertook another 6 session assessment last October. Finally in November we were given the good news that he could move back home.
We are now up to the next stage with probation, community service and police checking devices. I want to say how strong the ladies are on here; you can do it. My advice is to read all of the old posts, contact the Helpline, seek counselling, do the Inform course if you can and write a list of three things to do every day. I felt that it was me on trial as well with SS and the best article I read to help me deal with SS being a protective parent - I found on the Family Rights Group. Google - "London Safeguarding Children Board Guidelines Assessing …"
Thank you for reading my story and especially to Lee1969, Majestictopaz15, Summer, Tabs, Sally Blue, Lost 123 and many others who continue to help with their stories on my journey; please don't hesitate to reach out.
One day at a time ....
Thank you for sharing your story. Hoepfully it will give those with children some hope.
I had to disclose to my sister as she had 3 children under 16 at the time. Sounds like for you as for me, they allowed your husband to do the disclosure rather than just refer on to social services.
I had to disclose to my sister as she had 3 children under 16 at the time. Sounds like for you as for me, they allowed your husband to do the disclosure rather than just refer on to social services.
Hi Mjl73
Thank you for your reply. Unfortunately it didn't quite work out like that; before my husband was given the time to disclose Social Services had contacted the family first and told them to contact my husband; which they did!! It was very stressful especially as it was just before my husband's appearance at Crown Court.
Thank you for your reply. Unfortunately it didn't quite work out like that; before my husband was given the time to disclose Social Services had contacted the family first and told them to contact my husband; which they did!! It was very stressful especially as it was just before my husband's appearance at Crown Court.
Autumn Gold, thank you so much for sharing your story. Reading your post has calmed me and I truly believe it will make the next couple of days or at least falling asleep tonight easier.
Lots of love to you and your family xxxx
Lots of love to you and your family xxxx
Oh that totally sucks! I guess I might have been lucky then, my husband rarely saw them anyway and they live 2 hours away in another county. While it was horrible having to tell them, it had to be better for them to come from me and not from SS turning up on the doorstep!
Hi Autumn Gold, I am just catching up on posts after a couple of days off line feeling very sorry for myself. I can't tell you how lovely it was to read that I have been able to help someone with my story. It makes posting on this forum worthwhile. So thank you so much. Just what I needed to hear. I hope that you read my earlier post, as I am in much need of help at this next stage of this long and very horrid journey.
xxx
xxx