Anyone had children after legal process/sw involvement
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Hi guys, haven't posted in a long time.
The chap came at our door in July 2019 and my partner has been through the court and there seems to be light at the end of a dark tunnel.
I made the decision to stand by my partner as his charge was category c images and roughly about 25images. He was not charged for possession because he had deleted them but charged for initial download.
I don't condone any of his behaviour but felt it was something I could accept and move on from.
Anyway, more to the point - I am 30, we have no children and they were in our plans before all this happened. I have told my family about the situation and some of them believe it would be ridiculous to have children with him and some are totally trusting.
I do feel I would trust him but think it would be completely unnatural if I didn't have a tiny piece of worry in my mind, considering what we've went through.
I'm just wondering if anyone has had children afterwards or if this is something I should forget about. I am desperate for children of my own and just looking for some opinions.
Thanks xx
The chap came at our door in July 2019 and my partner has been through the court and there seems to be light at the end of a dark tunnel.
I made the decision to stand by my partner as his charge was category c images and roughly about 25images. He was not charged for possession because he had deleted them but charged for initial download.
I don't condone any of his behaviour but felt it was something I could accept and move on from.
Anyway, more to the point - I am 30, we have no children and they were in our plans before all this happened. I have told my family about the situation and some of them believe it would be ridiculous to have children with him and some are totally trusting.
I do feel I would trust him but think it would be completely unnatural if I didn't have a tiny piece of worry in my mind, considering what we've went through.
I'm just wondering if anyone has had children afterwards or if this is something I should forget about. I am desperate for children of my own and just looking for some opinions.
Thanks xx
Hey, thanks for replying. He got community service and 2 years supervision with SW x
He is on the register for two years from
july 2020. Sorry, I don't know what a shpo is..
Yeah he has a designated social worker who he has meetings with fortnightly and the OMU from the police have input but not regularly. They haven't been to see him since November x
july 2020. Sorry, I don't know what a shpo is..
Yeah he has a designated social worker who he has meetings with fortnightly and the OMU from the police have input but not regularly. They haven't been to see him since November x
Hi lovelyla,
I'm new here but my husband's offence happened 3 years ago.
At the time we only had our two boys and were only ''together'. We had been together for 10 years. We obviously had SS involvement with the CIN and CP meetings and the safety plan in place. They eventually left us and we were able to 'move on'.
We have since gotten married and have had a baby (shes now 4 months old) This triggered our case to be opened again but only because my husband actually asked his probation officer to contact them as he was worried about the future. ( Very smart on his part)
We have now got a new safety plan in place such as my husband isn't left alone with our daughter, no bath time or bum changes etc but this is what my husband asked for. It protects both him and our daughter.
The only warning I would give is to be very open minded. Our first SW (this time around) told lots of lies and made us go back up to a CP plan which wasn't necessary. We had to have a pre birth assessment where the maternity professionals and SW and ourselves all had to agree about what would happen when I went into labour. Initially I was told I wasn't allowed a home birth which was what I actually wanted. They said I HAD to otherwise I would have my baby taken away.... Eventually this SW left us and our new SW agreed that actually we could as there was no greater risk having a home birth than there was having a hospital birth (especially with covid).
In the next month or so,our SW will be leaving us again as she said there is no reason for her to be involved as we are following the safety plan. She even said we could go on to have more if we wanted ( we don't).
I would say just be ready for some judgement. The professionals will judge,family and friends will judge but ultimately it's your choice.
I wish you good luck with whatever you choose xx
I'm new here but my husband's offence happened 3 years ago.
At the time we only had our two boys and were only ''together'. We had been together for 10 years. We obviously had SS involvement with the CIN and CP meetings and the safety plan in place. They eventually left us and we were able to 'move on'.
We have since gotten married and have had a baby (shes now 4 months old) This triggered our case to be opened again but only because my husband actually asked his probation officer to contact them as he was worried about the future. ( Very smart on his part)
We have now got a new safety plan in place such as my husband isn't left alone with our daughter, no bath time or bum changes etc but this is what my husband asked for. It protects both him and our daughter.
The only warning I would give is to be very open minded. Our first SW (this time around) told lots of lies and made us go back up to a CP plan which wasn't necessary. We had to have a pre birth assessment where the maternity professionals and SW and ourselves all had to agree about what would happen when I went into labour. Initially I was told I wasn't allowed a home birth which was what I actually wanted. They said I HAD to otherwise I would have my baby taken away.... Eventually this SW left us and our new SW agreed that actually we could as there was no greater risk having a home birth than there was having a hospital birth (especially with covid).
In the next month or so,our SW will be leaving us again as she said there is no reason for her to be involved as we are following the safety plan. She even said we could go on to have more if we wanted ( we don't).
I would say just be ready for some judgement. The professionals will judge,family and friends will judge but ultimately it's your choice.
I wish you good luck with whatever you choose xx
Hi lee1969
Yes he is. He still has 2 years left on both. Xx
Yes he is. He still has 2 years left on both. Xx
Thanks for reply Kirsty. Good to get an insight into what it's really like.
I was hoping if he's off the register and finished with SW then they wouldn't need to be involved again. I feel like if I'm making the decision to have the baby with him then I'm obviously going to be doing everything I can to ensure the safety of the child.
I'm going to see if I can speak to his current Social worker, maybe towards the end of the year to see what they say.
I really appreciate your post.
thank you xx
I was hoping if he's off the register and finished with SW then they wouldn't need to be involved again. I feel like if I'm making the decision to have the baby with him then I'm obviously going to be doing everything I can to ensure the safety of the child.
I'm going to see if I can speak to his current Social worker, maybe towards the end of the year to see what they say.
I really appreciate your post.
thank you xx
Long story short, my husband was found with deleted images on his computer in 2003, I didn't know him at that time. We had a child over 4 years ago.
When my son was 15 months old, we'd just moved house and we got a knock on the door at 2am!! Apparently, he should have told SS when we were pregnant - he doesn't recall being told this and it was 15-years-later when they knocked at the door. He wasn't on any register either.
They said that they would need to do an assessment and it could take some time and he would have to leave the property until the assessment was complete.
Anyway, during the assessment period, it came to light that there was a moment when my husband was chronically depressed that he went onto a chat site and made up a story to see how it made him feel. The Police confirmed it was made up but it still took time to check all the appliances.
SS closed the case October 2019 but I was never given any paperwork. I knew he had to have supervised visits but we had been told he could go on a rescheduled holiday.
Me and my husband have actually been living apart for 3 years due to work, rather than us being told we couldn't live together.
Fast forward to January and SS get in touch because a CAF has been opened for my son due to him potentially having ASD. I said something and it turns out that my husband shouldn't stay overnight and now the case is being re-investigated to decide if he can have unsupervised visits.
What I am trying to say is we have seen numerous different social workers, they've all said different things.
If it were me, I would say have a chat with SS before you get pregnant to show you are being proactive and thinking about safeguarding. At least you then know where you stand.
My husband isn't on any records but SS keep changing their stories and we've never been given a statement of expectation!
When my son was 15 months old, we'd just moved house and we got a knock on the door at 2am!! Apparently, he should have told SS when we were pregnant - he doesn't recall being told this and it was 15-years-later when they knocked at the door. He wasn't on any register either.
They said that they would need to do an assessment and it could take some time and he would have to leave the property until the assessment was complete.
Anyway, during the assessment period, it came to light that there was a moment when my husband was chronically depressed that he went onto a chat site and made up a story to see how it made him feel. The Police confirmed it was made up but it still took time to check all the appliances.
SS closed the case October 2019 but I was never given any paperwork. I knew he had to have supervised visits but we had been told he could go on a rescheduled holiday.
Me and my husband have actually been living apart for 3 years due to work, rather than us being told we couldn't live together.
Fast forward to January and SS get in touch because a CAF has been opened for my son due to him potentially having ASD. I said something and it turns out that my husband shouldn't stay overnight and now the case is being re-investigated to decide if he can have unsupervised visits.
What I am trying to say is we have seen numerous different social workers, they've all said different things.
If it were me, I would say have a chat with SS before you get pregnant to show you are being proactive and thinking about safeguarding. At least you then know where you stand.
My husband isn't on any records but SS keep changing their stories and we've never been given a statement of expectation!
Hi,
I had children after finding my partner had looked at inappropriate images. He told me he hadn't looked for them and they were pop-ups. I spoke to a few friends and his brother and decided to trust him. Later, once pregnant I found some inappropriate literature and he told me his cousin had tried to abuse him and he was trying to work out his feelings. I told him we needed counselling. I also requested we destroy the hard drive because I couldn't bear to have it in the house. I never felt reassured after the counseling despite them concluding my partner was safe. I eventually left him and finally went to the police. As there was no computer to look at evidence he was cautioned and not charged. Through court I requested a risk assessment. It was during this he admitted to looking at more than I had been aware of and admitted that he didn't know how far he would have gone if I hadn't of stopped him. He was deemed as low risk and allowed to see the children. However, this whole situation created a tremendous burden for myself mentally, the guilt, shame for choosing to believe him, worry that through lack of evidence he had managed to hoodwink the assessor. It is only now I'm starting to process it. It has ruined me and my relationships as I haven't been myself. I'm now at the stage of telling the children, they're now adults. If I could go back I wouldn't have made this decision. Whatever you decide to do make sure you have both worked through all those questions and concerns in yours/his mind. Think about the future and what about when your children want to have children and when you're children have friends round. Lots of things to think about. I really feel for you. Are you getting support advice from LFF?
I had children after finding my partner had looked at inappropriate images. He told me he hadn't looked for them and they were pop-ups. I spoke to a few friends and his brother and decided to trust him. Later, once pregnant I found some inappropriate literature and he told me his cousin had tried to abuse him and he was trying to work out his feelings. I told him we needed counselling. I also requested we destroy the hard drive because I couldn't bear to have it in the house. I never felt reassured after the counseling despite them concluding my partner was safe. I eventually left him and finally went to the police. As there was no computer to look at evidence he was cautioned and not charged. Through court I requested a risk assessment. It was during this he admitted to looking at more than I had been aware of and admitted that he didn't know how far he would have gone if I hadn't of stopped him. He was deemed as low risk and allowed to see the children. However, this whole situation created a tremendous burden for myself mentally, the guilt, shame for choosing to believe him, worry that through lack of evidence he had managed to hoodwink the assessor. It is only now I'm starting to process it. It has ruined me and my relationships as I haven't been myself. I'm now at the stage of telling the children, they're now adults. If I could go back I wouldn't have made this decision. Whatever you decide to do make sure you have both worked through all those questions and concerns in yours/his mind. Think about the future and what about when your children want to have children and when you're children have friends round. Lots of things to think about. I really feel for you. Are you getting support advice from LFF?