Family and Friends Forum

Sorry to read that you are struggling. Have they said what their concerns are, I really feel for you because the police obviously told SS there was a child sex related offence to start with and then never charged him with that. If they had gone straight for the original charge you might have never ended up in this position.



Ultimately only you can decide if you can / want to make it work. There are people who have managed to get their families back together, so it's certainly possible even if it's not always easy.

If you haven't already done so I would file a request for all the information SS hold on you. That will allow you to see if they have information which isn't true etc.

You need to go to the police station if you want disclosure under Sarah's law. I'm sure if you phone your local police station they will be able to tell you the process.

As for SS disclosure, start quoting things like GDPR at them, that should get them moving. I know with GDPR requests you have 28 days to provide the information requested.

Hi Vickie I don't really have any advice for you and your situation. But I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and hoping you get the best out of this for you and your kids x keep strong x

You've already came so far I know this is probably the hard bit now but every day is another through this journey and a step closer to an ending. You can do this, I can tell you're a great mum you care a lot and you're doing all you can x

Ah Vickie you are I have read your posts for weeks now and always thought what a strong woman and what an amazing mother. You're fighting for them and for you in every way you can. You've put together amazing ground work and really put a lot in place. I know when we are at our lowest and everything around us seems to be going wrong it's easy to start to crack but just know deep down you are a good mother, you didn't do this and you didn't ask to be in this situation either and you're doing a bloody good job of dealing with it. I hope the next week will be more positive for you x

I don't know why the families end up so damaged in this process the support and the attitude of ss seems so inappropriate sometimes it's not fair.

I've had an okay weekend was a busy one so went so quickly which helped as I find weekends really difficult to ge through I usually feel at my lowest and most lonely because its just not a weekend like what I had before thsi started. We are challenging our sw on the conditions of the safety plan but she's said case is closed - so it's going to her manager tomorrow now to challenge her on it. Don't know how case can be closed when there's unanswered questions from us.

My weekends are so full on as the kids are young they don't do lazy days but it's the weekend evening I struggle with the loneliness kills me when they go to sleep. This weekend was better as I had family for food one evening and the other I was shattered and fell asleep quite early so didn't have the sitting watching the hours tick by.

It's so damaging what happens. Are you planning on staying with your husband? I can't remember if you said you were or if you were supportive of him for the kids. Either way I hope you stay strong you've came this far. I know the police are looking at devices now which can take ages still but the fact they've started looking partly unsettles me - what will they find then it also makes me think I will know the facts and can make decisions and plan the next steps.

Does that mean they're still investigating him even though he's been sentenced? Are they looking at other offences? It's all so complicated isn't it.

It sounds like you're doing the best you can in a rubbish situation. I've been going to bed at 9 for the last couple of weeks and watching TV take a cuppa up with me and just relax find it easier than the emptiness of sitting downstairs.

I really don't know I need to see what they find on the devices. If they find what he says they will then there's a chance I could stand by him but to begin with he will need to prove he's serious we will need couples therapy. I won't be rushing him back into my house. If they find more than what he says they will or the ages are lower than he says which he says are older teens then I think I'll probably end it but support him in being a dad and support him in a fight to try and coparent for the sake of our kids.

Depends on their offending behaviour and whether they 'paid much attention' to the extent of their offending. In my partner's case he did tell me that they would be all categories but he didn't know the age ranges as such because some files he didn't look at but stored anyway.

I'm not sure if he was hiding the truth from me. For me at the time the fact he did warn it is all categories was enough for me to make a decision on our relationship. But at the sentencing hearing I felt sick when they disclosed the worst of what they found. I kinda regretted not asking more or asking for disclosure from the investigation before court because in a way my decision on staying by wasn't fully informed.

He said he can't remember the iioc mentioned as the worst example but didn't deny whether he did view it or was an unopened file. He had offending on and off for ten years. No excuse ofc but the addiction and major denial in his behaviour and stupid warped sense of reality and depravity meant for him he never fully reflected on his offending until given effective rehabilitation.

Essentially some offenders may not really remember or know what will be found especially if they been doing it for a long time.