Hi all,
I have posted on the forum before but I was worried I’d put too much information and deleted it. My situation is, it was my husband who has offended, a communication offence in autumn 2019. We were in court last week and he got sentenced to just under 3 1/2 years. I’m absolutely devastated. It’s been days and I’ve still not heard anything from him, the prison called to let me know where he is.
We are parents to a toddler who just can’t understand why daddy isn’t here anymore. To make matters worse it was heavily publicised in our local press/social media. The contents of the article pretty much turned into an attack on me and basically accused me of only caring about my financial situation. The journalist even went as far as to share the article to a local community group. I wrote a three page character reference and one sentence has been completely taken out of context! My husband’s picture and address (my home) was in the article and I now feel like a prisoner with my baby in the house. Scared to have the lights on in the evening, keeping curtains shut. The comments online have been vile and mainly about me.
I don’t even know how to start rebuilding, a prison sentence was always a possibility. I never expected it to be so long. I thought I had prepared myself, I really hadn’t. I’m now left in a situation of having to try and figure out finances etc. Childcare and everything else we shared. Obviously this is all way down the priority list as my main concern is our child and our safety.
Work has been affected by it and I just don’t know where to start. I’m not sure if I can go back as everyone knows.
I don’t know if I’m looking for any answers or to just share really. Guess I’m just feeling very isolated and alone in the world. I really thought prison could be the worst outcome, I had no idea of the ripple effect it would have on everything else. Absolutely heartbroken.
I have posted on the forum before but I was worried I’d put too much information and deleted it. My situation is, it was my husband who has offended, a communication offence in autumn 2019. We were in court last week and he got sentenced to just under 3 1/2 years. I’m absolutely devastated. It’s been days and I’ve still not heard anything from him, the prison called to let me know where he is.
We are parents to a toddler who just can’t understand why daddy isn’t here anymore. To make matters worse it was heavily publicised in our local press/social media. The contents of the article pretty much turned into an attack on me and basically accused me of only caring about my financial situation. The journalist even went as far as to share the article to a local community group. I wrote a three page character reference and one sentence has been completely taken out of context! My husband’s picture and address (my home) was in the article and I now feel like a prisoner with my baby in the house. Scared to have the lights on in the evening, keeping curtains shut. The comments online have been vile and mainly about me.
I don’t even know how to start rebuilding, a prison sentence was always a possibility. I never expected it to be so long. I thought I had prepared myself, I really hadn’t. I’m now left in a situation of having to try and figure out finances etc. Childcare and everything else we shared. Obviously this is all way down the priority list as my main concern is our child and our safety.
Work has been affected by it and I just don’t know where to start. I’m not sure if I can go back as everyone knows.
I don’t know if I’m looking for any answers or to just share really. Guess I’m just feeling very isolated and alone in the world. I really thought prison could be the worst outcome, I had no idea of the ripple effect it would have on everything else. Absolutely heartbroken.
I'm so sorry to read your story.
It's so hard for the partners left behind. There's a distinct lack of support and a culture of blame. I can't be much use in terms of practicalities. There are charities that can offer support with finances (CAB and CAP etc). I'm sure lots of the people on this forum will offer more useful advice I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, and certainly not to blame.
Someone told me that this form of crime is like the last taboo. No one wants to discuss it and no one attempts to understand until you are thrown into this world.
The press/community attention will change focus and find something new. I hope you have se trusted relatives/friends who can support you. Perhaps go out with someone at first so you aren't alone.
Sending you lots of love and positive wishes xxx
It's so hard for the partners left behind. There's a distinct lack of support and a culture of blame. I can't be much use in terms of practicalities. There are charities that can offer support with finances (CAB and CAP etc). I'm sure lots of the people on this forum will offer more useful advice I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, and certainly not to blame.
Someone told me that this form of crime is like the last taboo. No one wants to discuss it and no one attempts to understand until you are thrown into this world.
The press/community attention will change focus and find something new. I hope you have se trusted relatives/friends who can support you. Perhaps go out with someone at first so you aren't alone.
Sending you lots of love and positive wishes xxx
I am so sorry you are feeling like this. Its horrible when you have children and with the media you just don't know why will say something.
Can I ask what communication charge you husband got charged with as being on this forum not a lot of men have been sentenced to prison for it?
My husband is currently being investigated for communication, no images or arranging to meet.
Sending love your way x
Can I ask what communication charge you husband got charged with as being on this forum not a lot of men have been sentenced to prison for it?
My husband is currently being investigated for communication, no images or arranging to meet.
Sending love your way x
Hi Emma,
Sorry to hear that the media got a hold of the info. I had no idea character references could be made available! I wrote one for my partner and assumed it was for the judges eyes only...
My partner got a suspended sentence so Im not too familiar with support for families with loved ones in prison. The prison your partner is in might be able to point you in the right direction or have a Google online as there are organisations that can help. These resources will also have advice on how to explain in a child appropriate manner. I believe there are kids books that can help explain.
Media attention will chnage and people will move on. Best to get off social media and ignore the heat of possible.
Big hugs
Sorry to hear that the media got a hold of the info. I had no idea character references could be made available! I wrote one for my partner and assumed it was for the judges eyes only...
My partner got a suspended sentence so Im not too familiar with support for families with loved ones in prison. The prison your partner is in might be able to point you in the right direction or have a Google online as there are organisations that can help. These resources will also have advice on how to explain in a child appropriate manner. I believe there are kids books that can help explain.
Media attention will chnage and people will move on. Best to get off social media and ignore the heat of possible.
Big hugs
I am so sorry that you are in this situation, the media really don't understand the fear and anxiety that is caused by what they write to the families.
The others are correct, this will become old news. However, if you are feeling at risk as a result and unsafe in your own home then call your local police station especially if there have been threats made online. They may not be able to do anything immediately but they can put a flag on your address so if you call them again they will see that flag.
There are a couple of charities that work with families of those in prison, one in Scotland and one for England/Wales. Both of them have helplines, they might be able to help you navigate this initial phase and help you to adjust. You should be able to find them easily by googling, I won't add links as they often get edited out.
I hope you have a good friend or family who you are able to talk to about this. Even if you do, but feel it's not enough talk to your GP. They are not there to judge you.
The others are correct, this will become old news. However, if you are feeling at risk as a result and unsafe in your own home then call your local police station especially if there have been threats made online. They may not be able to do anything immediately but they can put a flag on your address so if you call them again they will see that flag.
There are a couple of charities that work with families of those in prison, one in Scotland and one for England/Wales. Both of them have helplines, they might be able to help you navigate this initial phase and help you to adjust. You should be able to find them easily by googling, I won't add links as they often get edited out.
I hope you have a good friend or family who you are able to talk to about this. Even if you do, but feel it's not enough talk to your GP. They are not there to judge you.
Hi Emma
So sorry to read you're story and the distress its caused you.
Can I suggest you look at the hub.unlock.org.uk and nacro sites for further advice and support.
Also when you get chance research some of the topics on here re prison. I have read that you can send small amounts of money for phone cards... toiletries... reading material etc.
You can also send him contact numbers etc
My own advice re social media is to DELETE from everything... Its a horrible cesspit for trolls to abuse others without knowing the full facts. As for newspapers... ignore them... There popularity has dwindled massively over the past decade and people can't be bothered paying the price they charge....
Take care and best wishes...
So sorry to read you're story and the distress its caused you.
Can I suggest you look at the hub.unlock.org.uk and nacro sites for further advice and support.
Also when you get chance research some of the topics on here re prison. I have read that you can send small amounts of money for phone cards... toiletries... reading material etc.
You can also send him contact numbers etc
My own advice re social media is to DELETE from everything... Its a horrible cesspit for trolls to abuse others without knowing the full facts. As for newspapers... ignore them... There popularity has dwindled massively over the past decade and people can't be bothered paying the price they charge....
Take care and best wishes...
Hi Emma. So sorry to hear what you are going through. The reporters only want a scope and do not care or think about the possibility of putting you in danger. They will move onto someone else, but you are still left with the fallout.
Hold your head up high when you go out. You have done nothing wrong. The only thing you are guilty of, is trusting and loving him. Since when has that been a crime?
I hope you have someone to support and advise you. Thinking of you. xx
Hold your head up high when you go out. You have done nothing wrong. The only thing you are guilty of, is trusting and loving him. Since when has that been a crime?
I hope you have someone to support and advise you. Thinking of you. xx
Hi Emma,
I just wanted to write to say your not alone. My husband also got a prison sentence which truthfully I didn't expect for numerous reasons... first offense and all the work with therapy etc. But he got it and we just have to deal with it.
Again like you the media plastered it everywhere, dragging me into it for further controversy which worked as trolls were targeting their comments at the deluded wife supporting him who must either be supportive of child abuse or only interested in finances... it's quite laughable now when I start to think of it. Heaven forbid I'm just another human who loves another human... again is it possible that maybe I'm supporting that human as they are genuinely a caring human who got lost down a rabbit hole? Nobody ever knows the whole story except the people involved.
covid has been helpful for me as it means I can hide from the world and build up strength. Communication with your husband will get better in prison but it will take time.
Have you spoken to your work? Do you feel you can't go back just purely because of people knowing or do you work with children?
look after yourself. Sending big hugs xxx
I just wanted to write to say your not alone. My husband also got a prison sentence which truthfully I didn't expect for numerous reasons... first offense and all the work with therapy etc. But he got it and we just have to deal with it.
Again like you the media plastered it everywhere, dragging me into it for further controversy which worked as trolls were targeting their comments at the deluded wife supporting him who must either be supportive of child abuse or only interested in finances... it's quite laughable now when I start to think of it. Heaven forbid I'm just another human who loves another human... again is it possible that maybe I'm supporting that human as they are genuinely a caring human who got lost down a rabbit hole? Nobody ever knows the whole story except the people involved.
covid has been helpful for me as it means I can hide from the world and build up strength. Communication with your husband will get better in prison but it will take time.
Have you spoken to your work? Do you feel you can't go back just purely because of people knowing or do you work with children?
look after yourself. Sending big hugs xxx
Thanks everyone for your replies, it really has helped.
I've still not spoken to him, I'm going out of my mind with worry. I just want to know he will be ok. I've called the prison and they've said it might be next weekend before he's able to call.
We worked together and I think the company want me gone, well I know they do as I've spoken with them today and that's what the have effectively said. Even suggested I get GP note!
I don't want to go into too many specifics about what he was charged with but it was inciting an under 16 to engage in sexual activity and also distribution of 1 category c image. Each case is different, I really thought the therapy, references, pobabtion report would be take into account but it didn't make a difference when it came to sentencing.
The last few days have been the worst, it's just been blow after blow. As soon as I think right I need to make a list and starting sorting things something else happens.
I've still not spoken to him, I'm going out of my mind with worry. I just want to know he will be ok. I've called the prison and they've said it might be next weekend before he's able to call.
We worked together and I think the company want me gone, well I know they do as I've spoken with them today and that's what the have effectively said. Even suggested I get GP note!
I don't want to go into too many specifics about what he was charged with but it was inciting an under 16 to engage in sexual activity and also distribution of 1 category c image. Each case is different, I really thought the therapy, references, pobabtion report would be take into account but it didn't make a difference when it came to sentencing.
The last few days have been the worst, it's just been blow after blow. As soon as I think right I need to make a list and starting sorting things something else happens.