I have never felt so alone.
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Hi all,
I have recently had good reason to believe that my husband is obsessed with viewing images / videos of pubescent teenagers.
The whole sorry story started in January 2020 when I discovered that he had been involved in a 2 year online 'relationship' with a very young woman in Canada. I do not know her actual age, he claims she was 21 when he hooked up with her, however, having seen photographs of her I believe that she was probably younger.
I asked him to leave. However, 2 days later he returned home crying, very contrite and asking to give the marriage another try. He also stated that he had ended the online relationship.
We talked and I agreed. However, several weeks later I discovered that he was still involved with his online girlfriend and in addition he was using inappropriate forums on websites and was a member of several 'DDLG' (Dominant Daddy / Little Girl) communities, that was where he met his girlfriend and this was the nature of their relationship. I was devastated. This happened during our first lockdown so he was unable to leave. He again apologised and told me that he was scared of breaking off their relationship as she self harmed and she also possessed hundreds of sexually explicit images of him which he feared she would make public. He finally 'came clean' deleted all his accounts in front of me, he had thousands of all kinds of pornographic images (many of them featuring teenage girls) stored in numerous cloud storage accounts, it was like being hit by a tsunami.
Again, like a fool I believed him and allowed him another fresh start.
Quite naturally I have monitored his pc and mobile phone usage regularly since as I do believe he has an internet porn addiction.
Again, 2 weeks ago I found youtube videos of young girls on his account. These videos were not overtly sexual (which I find perhaps more disturbing). They featured pubescent teenagers practising yoga and more oddly, playing with their orthodontic braces. He said that this was a 'blip' and that it meant nothing, he wouldn't do it again. It happened on the day before I was due to attend hospital for a biopsy so I let it go.
Yesterday I noticed that he has been periodically 'signing out' of his youtube account and has been Google searching 'installing another Countries version of Google Play Store'. Does this mean he just wants to become secretive again? I asked him again yesterday if his internet usage was becoming a problem, he started by trying to reassure me but soon became defensive and verbally aggressive. I have asked him to leave again but he is refusing.
We are both in our mid to late 50's, been married for 20 years, have 3 adult children between us and I simply do not know where to turn. Do I tell the children? If so, when?
I am dumb struck, confused and am terrified that he will eventually bring the police to my door. My job involves me needing a DBS check so should I risk not taking my suspicions to the Police?
Thanks for listening.
Y
I have recently had good reason to believe that my husband is obsessed with viewing images / videos of pubescent teenagers.
The whole sorry story started in January 2020 when I discovered that he had been involved in a 2 year online 'relationship' with a very young woman in Canada. I do not know her actual age, he claims she was 21 when he hooked up with her, however, having seen photographs of her I believe that she was probably younger.
I asked him to leave. However, 2 days later he returned home crying, very contrite and asking to give the marriage another try. He also stated that he had ended the online relationship.
We talked and I agreed. However, several weeks later I discovered that he was still involved with his online girlfriend and in addition he was using inappropriate forums on websites and was a member of several 'DDLG' (Dominant Daddy / Little Girl) communities, that was where he met his girlfriend and this was the nature of their relationship. I was devastated. This happened during our first lockdown so he was unable to leave. He again apologised and told me that he was scared of breaking off their relationship as she self harmed and she also possessed hundreds of sexually explicit images of him which he feared she would make public. He finally 'came clean' deleted all his accounts in front of me, he had thousands of all kinds of pornographic images (many of them featuring teenage girls) stored in numerous cloud storage accounts, it was like being hit by a tsunami.
Again, like a fool I believed him and allowed him another fresh start.
Quite naturally I have monitored his pc and mobile phone usage regularly since as I do believe he has an internet porn addiction.
Again, 2 weeks ago I found youtube videos of young girls on his account. These videos were not overtly sexual (which I find perhaps more disturbing). They featured pubescent teenagers practising yoga and more oddly, playing with their orthodontic braces. He said that this was a 'blip' and that it meant nothing, he wouldn't do it again. It happened on the day before I was due to attend hospital for a biopsy so I let it go.
Yesterday I noticed that he has been periodically 'signing out' of his youtube account and has been Google searching 'installing another Countries version of Google Play Store'. Does this mean he just wants to become secretive again? I asked him again yesterday if his internet usage was becoming a problem, he started by trying to reassure me but soon became defensive and verbally aggressive. I have asked him to leave again but he is refusing.
We are both in our mid to late 50's, been married for 20 years, have 3 adult children between us and I simply do not know where to turn. Do I tell the children? If so, when?
I am dumb struck, confused and am terrified that he will eventually bring the police to my door. My job involves me needing a DBS check so should I risk not taking my suspicions to the Police?
Thanks for listening.
Y
I'm so sorry you are going through this
I would report to police he has to be held accountable for his offending behaviour and you could find yourself in serious trouble for not reporting a crime you know has taken place
Its irrelevant if the girls are happy to do what is asked if the under 18 it's illegal any sexual communication with under 18 is illegal as for image of pubescent girls real child were abused to get those images and videos the more people who access that sort of material the higher the demand and more children will be abused as a result
it doesn't sound like he's learned his lesson as seems to be keeping going back you have to look out for your own physical and mental health first and foremost if you want him out of the house can your adult children not help you to get him out ?
Xx
I would report to police he has to be held accountable for his offending behaviour and you could find yourself in serious trouble for not reporting a crime you know has taken place
Its irrelevant if the girls are happy to do what is asked if the under 18 it's illegal any sexual communication with under 18 is illegal as for image of pubescent girls real child were abused to get those images and videos the more people who access that sort of material the higher the demand and more children will be abused as a result
it doesn't sound like he's learned his lesson as seems to be keeping going back you have to look out for your own physical and mental health first and foremost if you want him out of the house can your adult children not help you to get him out ?
Xx
I think you have to think about these children that are being sexually abused to produce this material. The looking at these images perpetuates the need for more to be produced.
I found iioc on my husbands phone and was the person who reported him. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I am a safeguarding lead and had no choice. In my mind I had been put in an impossible situation.
Fast forward 22 months and he has been sentenced. Suspended sentence. We are still together because my husband was honest and open and has sought a lot of help and continues to do so. I have done much to support him as he is so ashamed and remorseful. He did say that he was glad it was out in the open and that he now had no secrets from me and was a weight lifted off of him.
I will also add that after interview it became clear that the police were already aware of his activity and therefore it was only a matter of time before the police came knocking.
The right thing to do is to report, no matter how hard it is. I wish you luck in making the right decision and know you are not the only partner to be placed in this position.
I found iioc on my husbands phone and was the person who reported him. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I am a safeguarding lead and had no choice. In my mind I had been put in an impossible situation.
Fast forward 22 months and he has been sentenced. Suspended sentence. We are still together because my husband was honest and open and has sought a lot of help and continues to do so. I have done much to support him as he is so ashamed and remorseful. He did say that he was glad it was out in the open and that he now had no secrets from me and was a weight lifted off of him.
I will also add that after interview it became clear that the police were already aware of his activity and therefore it was only a matter of time before the police came knocking.
The right thing to do is to report, no matter how hard it is. I wish you luck in making the right decision and know you are not the only partner to be placed in this position.
This is a horrible situation for you. It's so hard when you care for someone and want the life you have but they've got this going on in the background. I didn't see or find my husband doing anything I just got the knock. But the dates he is being investigated for is a period of time a couple of years ago. So I guess even if he's deleted things the knock could still come anyway. It does sound like he can't control his behaviour and keeps going back to it in one way or another. Maybe the only way he will realise his actions and get the help he needs would be with police involvement.
You really need to find the courage as hard as it might be to report him..
And as everyone has already said,by knowing what he is doing and not reporting him,you yourself are commiting a crime..we all have a duty of care and so do you..it will be hard but you have to think of yourself aswell and how this burden of knowing what he's doing could affect you and the consequences if you don't tell the police
Xx
And as everyone has already said,by knowing what he is doing and not reporting him,you yourself are commiting a crime..we all have a duty of care and so do you..it will be hard but you have to think of yourself aswell and how this burden of knowing what he's doing could affect you and the consequences if you don't tell the police
Xx
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Hi
I feel for you ! But you really need to find the courage to do the right thing for those victims of this behaviour and for you and your families future. Can you speak with your husband and report it together.? I was in a similar situation with my young son. He self disclosed to me in December and it was him who wanted to tell the police himself, which we did the next day. My son collected all his devices up and gave them to the police and now we are waiting. My son and us , although worried about whats going to happen we know the right thing has been done for all concerned. Please seek support from the LFF. I wish you well take care of yourself.
I feel for you ! But you really need to find the courage to do the right thing for those victims of this behaviour and for you and your families future. Can you speak with your husband and report it together.? I was in a similar situation with my young son. He self disclosed to me in December and it was him who wanted to tell the police himself, which we did the next day. My son collected all his devices up and gave them to the police and now we are waiting. My son and us , although worried about whats going to happen we know the right thing has been done for all concerned. Please seek support from the LFF. I wish you well take care of yourself.
Dear whoisthisman?, thank you for having the courage to post on this forum, and thank you to everyone who has replied. This forum is for all family and friends concerned about someone viewing sexual images of children. Often that person may be known to the police, but not always. Indeed we are keen that people, like you, whose partners/parents/children are not currently under investigation, feel able to use this forum for support and guidance. Whatever someone’s situation, everyone typically wrestles with dilemmas about what the best thing to do is. There are rarely easy answers. With that in mind, I echo the comments by Yellowhouse: please do call our Stop It Now! helpline on 0808 1000 900 to talk through your situation with one of our experienced operators (and you don’t have to give your name or any other identifying information). Likewise, you may also find the information about the law on our Stop It Now! website helpful: https://www.stopitnow.org.uk/concerned-about-your-own-thoughts-or-behaviour/concerned-about-use-of-the-internet/get-the-facts/uk-law/
Thanks again to you for posting on this forum. We are here to support you at what must be a very stressful and difficult time for you.
Take care,
Lucy
Thanks again to you for posting on this forum. We are here to support you at what must be a very stressful and difficult time for you.
Take care,
Lucy