lost and don't know what to do
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where to start. I met my partner not long after he had been caught with images..he had Bern looking at that stuff for 6 years..said he had been depressed and that it was like the pics wernt real..he tried to help me understand why and said it was like an addiction (don't know if that's true or not)I know in my heart he would never hurt a child he would never hurt me in a sexual way either.. he denied it at first and said they wernt what they were saying,anyway I had to speak to my kid's as I have grandkids.can I just say he had no contact with them at all and didn't want to so no1 could say he done something he didn't anyways my son now doesn't speak to me or let me see my grandkids for over 2 years now so I've hidden the relationship but my other son and partner has had a baby and I casually dropped into conversation that he had text me and the s**t hit the fan I've been told if I even reply ibwont get to see new baby either..my partner is such a loving caring gentle man who would do anything for me, he tries to make every day better than the last has managed to get a fulltime job and done all the group work he had to do writhing the 3year order..i love him so much but I can't lose another grandchild so for me it's a situation of I lose the person I've been searching for all my life or my son and grandchild.i feel like I'm being bullied and I am starting to resent them for treating me this way I didn't do wrong .I hardly hear from them as it is ..jees when I lost my job they didn't even ask if I was ok for bills or shopping or even if I had a loaf but my partner bought me shopping paid my mortgage for few months he made sure i didn't go without I feel so lost and lonely as they won't even entertain a conversation about it. I just want to see my grandkid and be with the love of my life to be honest I don't care if my kids speak to me or not as they don't treat my very well always speaking down to me ect .please help DD. can i just say I do understand where my kids are coming from but surely they can't be allowed to bully me in this way. I'm so unhappy I'm thinking about selling my home and moving away
Hi DD. So sorry to hear what you are going through. Unlike you I choose to split up with my husaband. Not because of the IIOC, but because I found out he had been lying to me about lots of things. Also he denied everything and would not talk about it and made me feel guilty if I tried to talk to him.
However your partner has come clean and is doing something about it.
I do not believe everyone that looks at this awful porn will go on to offend. No more than I think people that watch murder etc on tv will then get a gun and start shooting people.
If you truely love and TRUST him then I think you should stay with him. On the other hand I have not seen my Dad and siblings for 20 years after a disagreement. It is something i really regret. So think long and hard.
Is there any way your family will let you see them at their house as long as you go alone. Its worth a try and may break the deadlock.
It sounds to me that your partner is a good man. Could they be a bit jealous that you are happy?
Also your children should always treat you with respect. If not perhaps there is no choice to make.
However your partner has come clean and is doing something about it.
I do not believe everyone that looks at this awful porn will go on to offend. No more than I think people that watch murder etc on tv will then get a gun and start shooting people.
If you truely love and TRUST him then I think you should stay with him. On the other hand I have not seen my Dad and siblings for 20 years after a disagreement. It is something i really regret. So think long and hard.
Is there any way your family will let you see them at their house as long as you go alone. Its worth a try and may break the deadlock.
It sounds to me that your partner is a good man. Could they be a bit jealous that you are happy?
Also your children should always treat you with respect. If not perhaps there is no choice to make.
I met my partner whilst he was under investigation. He told me he was arrested a few months beforehand over iioc and was honest that he did offend, only online, range of ages and categories.
It was a shock and took me some time to get my head around it. Even tho I had only known him for a short while I could see he was full of remorse, he was already doing rehabilitation and saving up for the inform course.
I haven't told anyone tho, not friends or family. I think my mum and an auntie of mine would be supportive to a degree since they understand that not everything is black and white. But i know my step dad would influence my mum to not support me and I worry I would lose friends and would be pushed to leave my partner.
It is hard to get others to not see it as black and white, but it is their choice and at the end of the day these offences are horrendous, there is no denying.
You could ask them to look at the stop it now site to learn about these types of offences and state your partner has taken actions to prevent him offending again. All you can do is ask they listen bit you can't expect them to do so.
I have told my partner that if it ever came to light about his offence I would likely need to break up with him. I am taking the risk of losing lol my friends and some or all my family being with him. I have made peace with this. I might change my mind.
It was a shock and took me some time to get my head around it. Even tho I had only known him for a short while I could see he was full of remorse, he was already doing rehabilitation and saving up for the inform course.
I haven't told anyone tho, not friends or family. I think my mum and an auntie of mine would be supportive to a degree since they understand that not everything is black and white. But i know my step dad would influence my mum to not support me and I worry I would lose friends and would be pushed to leave my partner.
It is hard to get others to not see it as black and white, but it is their choice and at the end of the day these offences are horrendous, there is no denying.
You could ask them to look at the stop it now site to learn about these types of offences and state your partner has taken actions to prevent him offending again. All you can do is ask they listen bit you can't expect them to do so.
I have told my partner that if it ever came to light about his offence I would likely need to break up with him. I am taking the risk of losing lol my friends and some or all my family being with him. I have made peace with this. I might change my mind.
Hi MajesticTopaz15 and DD.
I haven't posted for a few weeks but reading both of your posts,,, I am in exactly the same situation with my Children and Grandchildren I don't see my 2 eldest boys or their children (one has 4 children and the other has 3 children) as we fell out a few yrs ago. I am possibly going to lose my daughter who has always been my best friend and her 3 children now. The knock came April 2020 and I have just yesterday told my daughter about it!!! I hadn't told any one about it, I just kept it to myself.
She absolutely loves her stepdad and is really angry I didn't tell her sooner. I just didn't know how to.My husband is in court Today for the hearing and I am so frightened what is going to happen.
I am so frightened, of what the outcome will be. What am i going to do if I lose my daughter and her 3 children who I love so much. As well as my husband to prison.
Big hugs to all of you who are on this forum. Xxx????
I haven't posted for a few weeks but reading both of your posts,,, I am in exactly the same situation with my Children and Grandchildren I don't see my 2 eldest boys or their children (one has 4 children and the other has 3 children) as we fell out a few yrs ago. I am possibly going to lose my daughter who has always been my best friend and her 3 children now. The knock came April 2020 and I have just yesterday told my daughter about it!!! I hadn't told any one about it, I just kept it to myself.
She absolutely loves her stepdad and is really angry I didn't tell her sooner. I just didn't know how to.My husband is in court Today for the hearing and I am so frightened what is going to happen.
I am so frightened, of what the outcome will be. What am i going to do if I lose my daughter and her 3 children who I love so much. As well as my husband to prison.
Big hugs to all of you who are on this forum. Xxx????
I thought I was alone with this stuff jeeso I'm overwhelmed and so grateful people have taken the time to reply to me..yes my partner is a good man he would move heaven and earth for me but tryi g to explain anything to my kids just won't happen they would just shut me down like my youngest son did a month or so ago and I've not even been sent a pic of the baby..they don't know I see my partner as we've kept it secret but I dropped into conversation he had txt and boom all we want is to get on with out lives together and not be causing anyone any grief but to be honest I can't do right for doing wrong . just so fed up with it all now it's like I've died but I'm still here if that makes any sence to anyonee
Hi DD. I think some part has died for all of us. Hopefully with time we will be able to put our lives back together again. It will just take time .
God i hope so because I can't go on like this much more if I'm honest..3years I've been doing this I've lost so much and yes I know lots would say is he worth it yes he is he would walk on hot coals for me .tbh I've had a really shit life as a child and adult no one has ever been so respectful off me he is a gentleman who f****d up and took a path he will never go down again.this has even scared him sexually to the extent thetes things he won't do as he's scared..sounds silly I know. he would also do anything for my kids given the chance but as he says it's me he wants in his life its me he wants to spend his life with not my family..he has even walked away at 1 point in the hope I get my grandkids back..i didn't nothing changed so why should i lose everyone I care for I did nothing wrong apart from allow someone in fully.. alot of you won't understand why I've stuck with him given my history...i was abused as a child so trust me I know it's not in him.. my hear felt thoughts go to each and every one off us living this hell???
hi LLR25..my son was angry I hadn't said but I just didn't know how to then my youngest found out and tokd me if I didn't tell him he would. my life's never been the same all I ever wanted was to be a Nannie but I got the icing on the cake with twins (the lights of my life) but if I'm honest they had already stopped me seeing the babies twice and that was before I even met my partner that was because I voiced my opinion..7 months I missed out on and now it's been another nearly 2 and half years.Im sick taking there crap I've just to sit and say nothing because if I do im always wrong..cant win..when I see pics of my grandkids now it's like seeing a pic of kids in e street I don't know..i tried to take my own life when I lost them but I've now realised nothing is worth it and if there comfortable punishing there kids by taking Nannie away well i hope they can live with themselfs..big hugs xx