Family and Friends Forum

I'm so sorry you find yourself here. The first few weeks are awful. Have a read of the post out up for new people to this forum. It contains some really helpful advice. Keep coming back for support. Now your first post has been accepted, your posts will be at the top, so more people will read. Take care x

Hey hunny,

I wrote the post for new members because those of us who are further along this journey completely understand and relate to all of these mixed emotions. The early days are horrendous. I was in such a state of panic, grief, shock, fear... Like you say.. A black hole.

It's so hard not to question ourselves as to how we didn't know, how we didn't see...

Have you read the post about the rabbit hole...it explains so well about the addiction that is so often the gateway into these offences.

Our husbands hid it well. Whatever was going on behind this... Depression, stress, anxiety etc etc... Their online offending... Masked that behaviour.. Just as an alcoholic drinks to mask their depression. Its only when that is stripper away from them to do they have to deal with what's underneath.. Its like that sticky plaster comes off and they have to deal with the wounds.

I work in mental health myself and questioned myself for so long at how I didn't see my husband was depressed but as I say... They hid it well... Their addiction was their coping mechanism.

Keep on talking, look after your most basic needs right now... Big decisions are not for now.. Right now... Take each day or even each hour at a time... Lots and lots of self care.

Sending lots of love xxxxx

I'm 3 months in. I remember those first 2 weeks vividly. The worst weeks of my life. I didn't eat much surviving on a banana and a cereal bar most days. I lost about 10lbs in weight and I felt sick constantly. I was an anxious jittery mess. I've had help from my gp. So they can be a great support. I've had so much help from being on here. The feelings are the same as they were day one but I get up and go to work and do what I can for my kids and I keep busy. I try to get early nights and night times home by myself when the kids are in bed kill me, the loneliness I feel is unreal. So I go to bed watch TV, read a book and go to sleep. I go for walks with the kids to fill gaps in the weekends. I make myself eat. I try to look after myself to keep myself strong. It's a horrible journey but everyone on here who told me to look after me gave me the best advice because as soon as I did that and reached out for support from my gp I found I started to cope just a little bit more.

As hard as it is you learn how to live, it's important to remember you have done nothing wrong I regularly tell myself this. Look after yourself and any children so you have energy and resilience as you are going to need them. It's a rocky road of ups and downs.
This forum was so helpful to me I found out so much information here and had a safe place to ask questions.
I learnt more here than from the solicitor or the police!
The Stop it now website and the helpline also helped me understand and process things.