Family and Friends Forum

Hello Rainbow,

im really very sorry about your situation and my heart goes out to you. You have so many questions and unknowns going around in your head that can drive you to the edge of madness. Please speak to the helpline but everyone who posts on here will understand how you feel.

I’m not legally trained but you ask how your husband was convicted on the evidence they had? Unfortunately this type of case means that there is a ‘reverse burden of proof’. This means unlike in other cases where the prosecution have to prove guilt (or intent) these situations mean where prima facie evidence exists the burden is on your husband to prove his innocence. It’s a very difficult thing to do and is a troubling situation for many legal professionals and academics.

Juries are very influenced by computer evidence. If it’s there it happened, the complexities are often not fully comprehensible by the layperson. Join that with the febrile public attitude to this type of offence and you have the perfect (or imperfect) storm.

but...that’s not going to help you right now. If there’s grounds to appeal let your husband sort that out. You must accept where you are as a family right now and take each step at a time otherwise it’s overwhelming. Families can and do stay together if that’s what you want but there are hurdles to get over and of course you must protect your children above all else. You need to know what you are protecting them from and what measures you need to take to do that. Hopefully children’s services will help you do that but they can be unpredictable. Lucy Faithfull do seem to have a consistent viewpoint and reasoned understanding of this offence and the risks to others, I urge you to call the helpline, it will settle your mind.

Good luck and good strength x

Hi Rainbow. You poor thing - you sound overwhelmed with it all. My partner has not been charged yet but I can’t help thinking that he will. I am supportive of my partner (not of his actions) and he went to see a psycho sexual forensic therapist who wrote a detailed report about the “why” and whether she had any concerns. It was expensive but helpful in answering some of the questions and also giving me some

.peace of mind around risk to children. Don’t know if you could do the same?

Min terms of people finding out, I know what you mean but I have to accept that there is literally nothing I can do about that.

Keep using this forum - I have found it really helpful . X

I’m surprised SS weren’t involved when your husband first come under suspicion? Definitely when he was charged I would have thought?

My guess is there’ll be a child protection conference and likely the children will be on the child protection register whilst safeguarding plans are put into action. This would include any assessments on the risk your husband may pose. This isn’t a ‘static’ process though and hopefully the SS will support you as a family to achieve the aims you want. Always, always bring this back to the needs of the children. They may want to see someone independent supervising contact whilst this goes on.

Back to the legal stuff, if your husband admitted to seeing the images but not downloading them I think it depends if the prosecution could prove he went back to that site or not. If he did they could present the evidence as an intended action to re-see the images. There are defences for accidentally seeing images provided you can show they were immediately deleted and the site wasn’t visited again, proving that (innocence) is very, very hard. It’s a very complicated offence, utterly oversimplified by the public and many professionals sadly.

It is a small amount, but then one image is one too many. Don’t feel tempted to play it down simply on numbers, that won’t be helpful but I understand your rationale. There should have been some agreement over the number and categorisation of the images by the defence and prosecution, to make sure either side are not over or under exaggerating the content of the images themselves. There should have also been an independent forensic examination by an expert instructed by the defence. But you rightly say, your energies need to be elsewhere now, that will focus all your thoughts and efforts there.

Hi Rainbow - it’s been about 8 weeks. No police not come back with anything concrete. We have a child protection conference coming up and police will be there. Currently they are saying 5 cat c images but can’t charge him as it is not their evidence, it came from somewhere else - ie a third party. It wasn’t found actually on his device. So his devices are with police for analysis. My partner says that everything was deleted at least 2 months ago (not that he is saying he has looked at indecent images but anything he looked at) so who knows what will be found. Neither of us are very savvy when it comes to technology - he used an iPad so I don’t know what analysis they do on that and whether it is different from a laptop.



in the meantime we have child

protection conference - just need to get through that first without jumping ahead to whether he is charged, tried, convicted etc

Big Sigh,

glad to see you’re taking things a step at a time. You sound eminently sensible to me and sound eminently sensible to me. You say you’re expecting a charge, I hope I haven’t spooked you? I just try to be honest and prepare people for the possibilities. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Hope you husbands solicitor is working hard on your husbands defence, they may play the waiting game but always need to keep a plan in their back pocket should a charge follow. Thinking of you often.

Big sigh - eminently sensible twice? Sorry, posting on my phone! Although take it as a compliment.



Rainbow, I think you just need to wait and see what SS do next. Different authorities can be very different in their reactions! But I definitely think a case conference will happen. Look online for your authorities policy and process for internet offending. At least you know what to prepare for. Good luck!

Jaded - no my partners solicitor doesn’t seem to be doing much. Solicitor says there is nothing they can do at moment until police come back with details of their search of equipment. My partner has requested his interview statement as he didn’t have a solicitor present at interview and now can’t really remember what he said. I’m not sure what solicitor can do at mo ?

Rainbow i know you are dissapointed with the outcome but tomorrow you must take a deep breath, dust yourself off, it's another day. You've overcome another hurdle on this draining journey, think how far you've come not how much further you have to go.

Wait to see what the social worker comes up with. Take things a step at a time. Families can and do overcome this if it's what you truly want. If it's not what you want you can overcome that too. You certainly don't sound like you are condoning the behaviour but wishing to support your husband doesn't mean you can't protect your children proving you recognise any risks and follow any recommendations SS have to protect your childre. Always be clear they come first.

I really feel for you, it's hard to claw yourself out of the depths of despair but it can be done.

Good luck always, Jaded

Hi

I’m not sure what I’m doing here or if anyone is going to read this. I’m utterly desperate after having the knock 4 days ago, I think, I’ve lost all track of time. My husband, will be ex ASAP, was taken to the police station with his seized PC, phone etc on suspicion of possession IIOC.

He was released without charges initially but by the time the police came to arrest and charge him he went AWOL. he eventually gave himself up after overdosing. He is due to be discharged imminently from hospital but the police also found evidence of vouyerism of adults in our family

I am really concerned about all of the victims but also about the possible backlash on his family who are innocent if and when this becomes public through the courts.

has anyone been through anything so horrible? Will we need to move and leave our jobs etc.

Jina, sadly we have all been this awful experience, our experiences are all slightly different but we all know the pain and dispear felt after the knock. Everything is such a shock, i remember that feeling of hopelessness. But try not to panic, take a step back from it all. No decisions need to be made right now, call the helpline for support and advice (they are amazing), i think speaking to the police and partner is important but thats a personal choice. There's no need to say anything to anyone yet unless you want to or need to. If you do decide to tell family whats been happening think carefully how you might do it and what you will say. Things dont always make it into the paper or on the internet, you might be luckily and it not happen. I think its best to have told anyone who may be affected by it and people that are close to you both. Right now the most important thing is look after yourself, this is a shock and a very difficult time. The best advice I was given was make no life changing decisions, take a day at a time, look after myself (eating, sleeping, getting to anxiety and stress under control) then talk lots with my partner and professionals about whats happened.

Jina - Maria has given you great advice. Right now you will probably be feeling blind panic and wonder how you are going to get through this. You can do it and that sick feeling does go away bit by bit. As Maria says, do not make any big decisions at the moment. Read all the posts on this forum, even the ones which aren’t the same as your situation as you will realise that we all feel similar but different at the same time. And there are women (and some men) who are going through this right now and some who have been through it and come out the other side.

i am only a couple of months into this process and the blind panic has gone - I still feel anxious about the future sometimes and think about this all the time, but I don’t feel like throwing up any more.

the world doesn’t end and the sun still comes up in the morning x