1st ss visit monday
Notifications OFF
Ss have finally caught up with us! So I got the ss phone call Friday afternoon and they want to visit Monday morning to start a children and family assessment. I am so scared, I just don't know what to think or say. I am worried I'll say the wrong thing. I have spent today doing a major tidy and thinking of our safety plan. Worried it won't be enough. Any advice on the questions they will ask or what they will want me to do. And just wondering, I've read that they have 45 days to do all this in from the date of referral, I am assuming that is when police referred us rather than the date they phoned.
thank you x
thank you x
Hey hunny
We all have a completely different experience with social services.
For us, my husband went straight to his parents after he was bailed. I was too distraught to even consider whether we could ever reunite at the time. They quizzed me on what would happen long term I told them I didn't know as I hated what he had done but still loved him.
The conversation with the boys wasn't very intrusive, they asked every day questions about school etc. They also spoke to both of their schools but this was contained well only those who had to know know.
The main thing is that you acknowledge the offence as they seem quick to accuse us wives of minimising. Show that you're a protective parent and want to work with them.
Is your husband still at home with you guys? Xx
We all have a completely different experience with social services.
For us, my husband went straight to his parents after he was bailed. I was too distraught to even consider whether we could ever reunite at the time. They quizzed me on what would happen long term I told them I didn't know as I hated what he had done but still loved him.
The conversation with the boys wasn't very intrusive, they asked every day questions about school etc. They also spoke to both of their schools but this was contained well only those who had to know know.
The main thing is that you acknowledge the offence as they seem quick to accuse us wives of minimising. Show that you're a protective parent and want to work with them.
Is your husband still at home with you guys? Xx
Hi,
They'll want to hear that you are taken the allegations seriously and not 'minimising' (I hate that term as there is way more to it, more like self preservation/protection than minimising).
Be sure to ask them questions: what support is on offer, what social care would expect ifrom you n this situation. I found it useful to understand their point of view and what they can do to help you.
Keep notes and ask for timescales.
Essentially, they need to know you can protect your children from future harm. I was offered 4 2 hour weekly sessions on safe care (essentially looking for signs of abuse etc) then they closed. It's not all horror stories as much as I hated the scrutiny and process it went as smoothly as it probably could. They only met my children once.
Best wishes xXx
They'll want to hear that you are taken the allegations seriously and not 'minimising' (I hate that term as there is way more to it, more like self preservation/protection than minimising).
Be sure to ask them questions: what support is on offer, what social care would expect ifrom you n this situation. I found it useful to understand their point of view and what they can do to help you.
Keep notes and ask for timescales.
Essentially, they need to know you can protect your children from future harm. I was offered 4 2 hour weekly sessions on safe care (essentially looking for signs of abuse etc) then they closed. It's not all horror stories as much as I hated the scrutiny and process it went as smoothly as it probably could. They only met my children once.
Best wishes xXx
Thank
rainbowgirl80 yes he is still home with us.
sarah ?? I have said to her that I am fully aware that he is considered a risk but I want also need to take in my children's and my wellbeing. I have said I would do everything I can to manage the risk.
it is just so nerve wracking, we would never of been under social services scrutiny if it wasn't for this.
rainbowgirl80 yes he is still home with us.
sarah ?? I have said to her that I am fully aware that he is considered a risk but I want also need to take in my children's and my wellbeing. I have said I would do everything I can to manage the risk.
it is just so nerve wracking, we would never of been under social services scrutiny if it wasn't for this.
My experience was that the questions were about what did I know my husbands arrest, what did I think of it. What is our relationship status currently. What sort of relationship did we have and what was his relationship like with the children. We discussed the arrangements for contact and the rules in place for that. She briefly spoke to my 6 year old and basically asked questions about school, home, what makes the happy or sad, who they would talk to if they were worried, they also asked what they would do if something happened that they didn't like who would they tell. She had a walk around my house looked upstairs and in all the bedrooms.
Sw can be very demanding when mine would could what she said to my face and what was in the report was different,,
She has spoken to my children everytime she come which I think this help my children to build a bond with her,,
She said questions about personal care who helped my daughter,
Who did my son personal care,,
She said my son if she could change his pad and he said no then when she asked again he said yes so but she then explained this could be down to his addiction needs and understanding the question,,
She asked my daughter who are the people u could talk to if worried and she named everyone even the dog lol
I told sw I had spoken to her about the body triangle from a early age and where people should not touch,, how she has always washed her self but I did always do her hair,, what the fact that no meant no
Locks on toilet doors and knocking before going in,,
When in public dad is not to take them to the toilet and dad is not to be left alone with them.
I also explained to her I was on her and how I was willing to do the informed course and had been look to see if I could find other courses to x
I also told her I wanted to work with everyone but at this moment i told them he would not be returning home cause I need to be able to trust again and my children need to be safe I believe there is underline issues that have got us here but they don't care about that,, I just put it to her as I know what he has said I take that on board but also I know my children need there dad to so I will do anything to make sure that's done safely xx good luck xx
She has spoken to my children everytime she come which I think this help my children to build a bond with her,,
She said questions about personal care who helped my daughter,
Who did my son personal care,,
She said my son if she could change his pad and he said no then when she asked again he said yes so but she then explained this could be down to his addiction needs and understanding the question,,
She asked my daughter who are the people u could talk to if worried and she named everyone even the dog lol
I told sw I had spoken to her about the body triangle from a early age and where people should not touch,, how she has always washed her self but I did always do her hair,, what the fact that no meant no
Locks on toilet doors and knocking before going in,,
When in public dad is not to take them to the toilet and dad is not to be left alone with them.
I also explained to her I was on her and how I was willing to do the informed course and had been look to see if I could find other courses to x
I also told her I wanted to work with everyone but at this moment i told them he would not be returning home cause I need to be able to trust again and my children need to be safe I believe there is underline issues that have got us here but they don't care about that,, I just put it to her as I know what he has said I take that on board but also I know my children need there dad to so I will do anything to make sure that's done safely xx good luck xx
Ohh I remember the dread and fear.
I was a nervous mess for my first visit but the sw was actually really nice. She had a chat with my daughter, a causal one similar to above.. what makes you happy/sad. What do you like/don't you like doing with mummy, daddy and friends, who do you speak to if you're worried.
When asked about my relationship with my partner I tried to be vague whilst also keeping her happy. I was still in shock. I told her I was in shock, I said I'd never noticed or had any doubt for my childrens safely around their father(she wrote this down as I spoke) I said as much as I couldn't believe what was happening I also know I needed to act like it could be the worse case scenario. I looked at the parents protect website and printed the safety plan and made my own. I wrote and decided with my partner (made sure she knewy partner was supportive of the plan ) absolutely no unsupervised time with the children, even if I was just taking out the bins, not helping them in the bathroom, ensuring the bathroom door is closed always when being used, my partner needed to go up the bed before or at the same time as me. I told her I would be setting time aside to ensure my children have time to talk to me whether it's just about the new situation and people they were meeting or for them to disclose something to me. I told her that my relationship with my partner would be on constant review in my head but that my priority would always be my children and myself. Making sure I made my children's well being a strong priority on top of physical safety. I also told her I had reached out to the forum and am finding it very helpful but I also asked a lot of the social worker to make sure she knew I was taking it seriously. Asked her... What support she could offer me, for advice incase of a disclosure or worrying conversation happened with my children, what emotional support my children could get from school if needed, how I could make sure I'm kept up to date with my husband's investigation to make sure I could make informed decisions and other stuff... I think it knocked her a little as they're so used to dishing it all out. BUT as I said she was lovely, I have since got a different social worker as I was signed off the first time then we had a second knock and again given that this time the reasons behind the knock are even worse she is still really lovely! Just breathhhh don't rush any answers and above all else make is absolutely clear you understand how serious this is and all you energy is in protecting your children.
Layer down the investigation line I learned of The Family Rights Group and I've called them a few times. They are really good at explaining what will happen at appointments, what social services will want to do etc.. would definitely suggest call them.
Also you can have someone come and support you, I had my sister come for the appointment. Told her questions I wanted to ask so if I forgot she could ask and also so she could tell me what the actually happened afterwards as I knew it would be a blur once I closed the door behind her. The social worker was pleased I had family support there and when I needed it outside of appointments.
That's a super long reply but I remember you're feelings like it was yesterday.
You won't need it but good luck. xxxx
I was a nervous mess for my first visit but the sw was actually really nice. She had a chat with my daughter, a causal one similar to above.. what makes you happy/sad. What do you like/don't you like doing with mummy, daddy and friends, who do you speak to if you're worried.
When asked about my relationship with my partner I tried to be vague whilst also keeping her happy. I was still in shock. I told her I was in shock, I said I'd never noticed or had any doubt for my childrens safely around their father(she wrote this down as I spoke) I said as much as I couldn't believe what was happening I also know I needed to act like it could be the worse case scenario. I looked at the parents protect website and printed the safety plan and made my own. I wrote and decided with my partner (made sure she knewy partner was supportive of the plan ) absolutely no unsupervised time with the children, even if I was just taking out the bins, not helping them in the bathroom, ensuring the bathroom door is closed always when being used, my partner needed to go up the bed before or at the same time as me. I told her I would be setting time aside to ensure my children have time to talk to me whether it's just about the new situation and people they were meeting or for them to disclose something to me. I told her that my relationship with my partner would be on constant review in my head but that my priority would always be my children and myself. Making sure I made my children's well being a strong priority on top of physical safety. I also told her I had reached out to the forum and am finding it very helpful but I also asked a lot of the social worker to make sure she knew I was taking it seriously. Asked her... What support she could offer me, for advice incase of a disclosure or worrying conversation happened with my children, what emotional support my children could get from school if needed, how I could make sure I'm kept up to date with my husband's investigation to make sure I could make informed decisions and other stuff... I think it knocked her a little as they're so used to dishing it all out. BUT as I said she was lovely, I have since got a different social worker as I was signed off the first time then we had a second knock and again given that this time the reasons behind the knock are even worse she is still really lovely! Just breathhhh don't rush any answers and above all else make is absolutely clear you understand how serious this is and all you energy is in protecting your children.
Layer down the investigation line I learned of The Family Rights Group and I've called them a few times. They are really good at explaining what will happen at appointments, what social services will want to do etc.. would definitely suggest call them.
Also you can have someone come and support you, I had my sister come for the appointment. Told her questions I wanted to ask so if I forgot she could ask and also so she could tell me what the actually happened afterwards as I knew it would be a blur once I closed the door behind her. The social worker was pleased I had family support there and when I needed it outside of appointments.
That's a super long reply but I remember you're feelings like it was yesterday.
You won't need it but good luck. xxxx
All this started for me on the 7th January when we got the knock and my husband was arrested. Fast forward to now! I have had one visit to the house by a SW to do an initial assessment. She was nice ( seemed very very young! But on first impressions professional). She only spoke to my son who's 16. She asked about him at school, if he understand safe use of the internet and what would he do if he received an indecent image. He replied in typical teenage fashion!! A few words lol! She understood he was a typical teenage boy! We then chatted in his bedroom without my son and she just asked about mine and my husbands relationship ( I'm 100% supporting him, we've been together a very long time). She then left and said from what she's seen she'd close the case. I have a daughter who's 18 and she didn't talk to her at all. The only time I've spoke to her since the assesment is 4 weeks ago! A phone call to ask what's happening and she just said she's waiting for the oic to give her info!. So yeah nothing since, no catch up phone call, no paperwork in the post, nothing!. I'm not pushing it either. I think either we aren't such an urgent case ( my kids age maybe?) or she was confident in the things I'd put in my place (safety plan, but more focussed on our internet, new router, parental locks etc etc) . I do feel at times that if they did come back all guns blazing Im ready and will fight them if I disagree with anything as the early interventions are voluntary ( I've learned so much from this forum, it's a huge source of support). Hope that helps but like everyone says each and every case is unique and the SS are very different in there approach. I'm not sure about the 45 days from referal but I've read that too somewhere. If it's from the very first day of the knock then ours is 68 days so far!. After the knock the SW took about 4 weeks to get in touch with me!
I had to do a family assessment it should take 9 weeks from the first meeting mine took 23 weeks as she keep getting the info on the paper work wrong! (Spellings what my husband did) u really do need to look at every think they give u and make sure it is all right. Ss had to talk to my kids 6 and 11 and she just ask them about every day life and school at the time my boys didn't no what was going on with there dad and ss said they wouldn't say anythink! Once my assessment was done we were place on a CIN plan and we now have to have meetings every 4 weeks to see if there is any update. Because I ask if my husband could move back in or have supervise contact at home I was ask to take part in a capacity to protect assessment. I was told I was very lucky to get offered this assessment as it cost around 6-8 Hunter pounds!!!!!! I'm now waiting on the outcome from that meeting been told it can talk 4-5 weeks! I have no contact with my sw in between CIN reviews as he is no help to me what so every! U can really do as little or as much as u like as it's is all still voluntary the only worry could be is they could move u to a Child protection plan cpp and that is much worse. Just be ur self and it doesn't matter how clean ur house is they just need to no u r looking after ur kids like I'm sure u are/ was before all this happened
Hi Sid
I was interviewed twice for the C&F Assessment and my husband once. On their first visit my son; who had just turned 13 was spoken to on his own and SS wanted to see his bedroom. Although my husband was bailed to the family home SS wanted him to leave the family home until they had conducted their C&F Assessment which ultimately turned out to be for the whole of the investigation.
The information that is gathered for the assesment is the reason for the assesment; Info regarding your self, partner and children. Regarding your children it will be about their Health and Development - Physical and mental health; emotional and behavioural, relationships with family member and others and social presentation and self care skills. Education and interests, culture and identity.
The assessment also looks at the parenting capacity - basic care, emotional warmth, stimulation, guidance and boundaries, stability, safety, home and community.
Our SS used the signs of safety i.e what are we worried about, what's working well and what needs to happen.
The assessment then looked at the current situation, risk factors, voice of the child , recommended action and the SS managers comments and outcomes.
The school, health visitor or school nurse will be spoken to and following ours we were put on a CIN plan, meetings every 4 weeks in school and house visits every 4 weeks.
The assessment took over four weeks to complete from the time of the SS first visit. I remember it well so I will be thinking of you tomorrow.
I was interviewed twice for the C&F Assessment and my husband once. On their first visit my son; who had just turned 13 was spoken to on his own and SS wanted to see his bedroom. Although my husband was bailed to the family home SS wanted him to leave the family home until they had conducted their C&F Assessment which ultimately turned out to be for the whole of the investigation.
The information that is gathered for the assesment is the reason for the assesment; Info regarding your self, partner and children. Regarding your children it will be about their Health and Development - Physical and mental health; emotional and behavioural, relationships with family member and others and social presentation and self care skills. Education and interests, culture and identity.
The assessment also looks at the parenting capacity - basic care, emotional warmth, stimulation, guidance and boundaries, stability, safety, home and community.
Our SS used the signs of safety i.e what are we worried about, what's working well and what needs to happen.
The assessment then looked at the current situation, risk factors, voice of the child , recommended action and the SS managers comments and outcomes.
The school, health visitor or school nurse will be spoken to and following ours we were put on a CIN plan, meetings every 4 weeks in school and house visits every 4 weeks.
The assessment took over four weeks to complete from the time of the SS first visit. I remember it well so I will be thinking of you tomorrow.