Should i/ how do I tell friends?
Notifications OFFPost deleted by user
Hello,
I think the choice is completely yours but will share my own experience in case it helps at all?
I found images in my partners phone a month or so ago and since then told my family and a couple of close friends.
My family have tried to support me but it's very difficult for them to come from an empathetic side , except one of them who has. I think the main thing is if you know a friend to be a victim it may have a big impact on them, as this is what has happened with one of my relatives.
However the couple of friends I have told have been amazingly supportive and have never judged anything I've thought or felt so far about it all. I purposely picked them both as I have opened up to one of them in the past about difficult things and then another is a trained professional so I knew I could trust her. They also knew my partner well so could take that into account when hearing about it.
Do your friends know your mother well is one thing I would ask. As I think if she is in your life and theirs then if they don't react how you wish, it's whether it will make things difficult in the future? But as above it could help if they know her too?
Sorry I'm not sure if that's much help, but it's just a roundup of the different experiences I have had in opening up to people about it!
I think the choice is completely yours but will share my own experience in case it helps at all?
I found images in my partners phone a month or so ago and since then told my family and a couple of close friends.
My family have tried to support me but it's very difficult for them to come from an empathetic side , except one of them who has. I think the main thing is if you know a friend to be a victim it may have a big impact on them, as this is what has happened with one of my relatives.
However the couple of friends I have told have been amazingly supportive and have never judged anything I've thought or felt so far about it all. I purposely picked them both as I have opened up to one of them in the past about difficult things and then another is a trained professional so I knew I could trust her. They also knew my partner well so could take that into account when hearing about it.
Do your friends know your mother well is one thing I would ask. As I think if she is in your life and theirs then if they don't react how you wish, it's whether it will make things difficult in the future? But as above it could help if they know her too?
Sorry I'm not sure if that's much help, but it's just a roundup of the different experiences I have had in opening up to people about it!
Hi
Sorry you have found yourself here. My situation I told noone.my ex Partner was charged with a huge catalogue of images. Through fear of association I kept quiet. I didn't know how friends would react. Only that when he was charged, it hit the media and it became public knowledge. I then had the job of talking to my friends and explaining what he had done. I did on one hand go for councilling and cbt. I was able to talk safely there to a lady who listened. When I finally found the courage to speak to my friends, they sobbed that I hadn't told anyone and had to go through it alone. They reassured me they were there for me and they have been a huge tower of strength. I lived in my own head for months waiting to see what the charges were. Have you had any further information on what is going to happen next? What has your mother said? Keep coming on here with your questions you will get lots of advice and call the helpline too they are great xx
Sorry you have found yourself here. My situation I told noone.my ex Partner was charged with a huge catalogue of images. Through fear of association I kept quiet. I didn't know how friends would react. Only that when he was charged, it hit the media and it became public knowledge. I then had the job of talking to my friends and explaining what he had done. I did on one hand go for councilling and cbt. I was able to talk safely there to a lady who listened. When I finally found the courage to speak to my friends, they sobbed that I hadn't told anyone and had to go through it alone. They reassured me they were there for me and they have been a huge tower of strength. I lived in my own head for months waiting to see what the charges were. Have you had any further information on what is going to happen next? What has your mother said? Keep coming on here with your questions you will get lots of advice and call the helpline too they are great xx
Hi,
Sorry you have found yourself in this situation.
Maybe pick one friend for now that you know can be trusted. I would try to keep it to a small circle of people you know you can trust. In my experience the more people who know the more gossip there may be.
Can you get a referral to counselling from your GP? Also don't be afraid to call Lucy Faithful If you are struggling and reach out on the forum. The ladies here are amazing and very supportive. Take care xxx
Sorry you have found yourself in this situation.
Maybe pick one friend for now that you know can be trusted. I would try to keep it to a small circle of people you know you can trust. In my experience the more people who know the more gossip there may be.
Can you get a referral to counselling from your GP? Also don't be afraid to call Lucy Faithful If you are struggling and reach out on the forum. The ladies here are amazing and very supportive. Take care xxx
I agree with bluebell, keep the number of people who know to be small and the most trustworthy. I haven't told my mum because even tho I'm sure she would be supportive I know she would really struggle to keep it to herself- I have got in trouble before for her slipping up on private matters.
Also to add the investigation process can take months or even years... So best to get support set up that suits you e.g GP, lff helpline, a small selection of friends. Not all cases are reported in the media. I personally haven't told anyone in my family or friends but this forum has been very helpful. I am lucky that my partner has a friendship group that are there for him so I can chat to them and his family haven't disowned him. Not sure if your mum has a close friend who you could also chat to but something to also consider.
Big hugs
Also to add the investigation process can take months or even years... So best to get support set up that suits you e.g GP, lff helpline, a small selection of friends. Not all cases are reported in the media. I personally haven't told anyone in my family or friends but this forum has been very helpful. I am lucky that my partner has a friendship group that are there for him so I can chat to them and his family haven't disowned him. Not sure if your mum has a close friend who you could also chat to but something to also consider.
Big hugs
I told a select group of close friends who had known me for 30 years and had subsequently got to know my estranged husband.
A few were amazing but some cut me dead and didn't bother with me. That really hurt, they never asked my opinion on it all but because of his actions, they judged me and that was really hurtful.
I know you could argue it's one way of finding out who your real friends are but it left me feeling isolated.
A few were amazing but some cut me dead and didn't bother with me. That really hurt, they never asked my opinion on it all but because of his actions, they judged me and that was really hurtful.
I know you could argue it's one way of finding out who your real friends are but it left me feeling isolated.
That must be so hard to digest. I'm sorry some of your friends have reacted in this way. It's entirely unfair as none of this is your fault and we'll I'm sorry to say of they were better friends they would be there supporting you through this. I guess some people don't know how to process something like this and they have taken the easier option not to try and just to walk away, which is extremely cruel.
I hope the friends who are on your side are there unconditionally and remain by your side. Sending love and strength x
I hope the friends who are on your side are there unconditionally and remain by your side. Sending love and strength x