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Hi all - hope you're all ok. I've just come across this website and also sent a message to the Stop it Now team to ask for support but...I wondered if I can reach out to you for advice...how sad that we are in this situation?!
Other than the police coming to you, has anyone had experience of investigating (without the husband knowing) if they are accessing underage content?
I have been married for 15 years. Very early into our marriage i found a large amount of porn images on a shared laptop, I called him out on it and he promised to not do it again. Fastforward a few years later and i was doing a standard clean of another shared laptop and in doing so A LOT of porn websites appeared in a clean up list, but included in this was something along the lines of 'teenage girls xxx'. We had several other issues in the marriage at that time, two young children (boy and girl) and we went to marriage counselling...he promised to not do it again.
Last week, i walked in our office to a horrible image of a naked woman on the laptop - this was 11am, kids at home (girl is 13, boy is 10) and either of them could have walked in and seen this. I am FURIOUS. For my kids, I'm staying, and we are working things through but what I definitly know to be true is he has never stopped looking! Although once again he has promised to stop.
Thing is, i now have a 13 yr old daughter and i am haunted by the 'teenage girls xxx' image going years back - how do i know he's not looking at underage girls? If he is, this marriage is over! I don't know what to do? Is there a way i can get our internet searched without him knowing if i have genuine cause for concern?
I'm totally confused but if he knows he's being investigated and i'm wrong then this marriage is over anyway? help?
Other than the police coming to you, has anyone had experience of investigating (without the husband knowing) if they are accessing underage content?
I have been married for 15 years. Very early into our marriage i found a large amount of porn images on a shared laptop, I called him out on it and he promised to not do it again. Fastforward a few years later and i was doing a standard clean of another shared laptop and in doing so A LOT of porn websites appeared in a clean up list, but included in this was something along the lines of 'teenage girls xxx'. We had several other issues in the marriage at that time, two young children (boy and girl) and we went to marriage counselling...he promised to not do it again.
Last week, i walked in our office to a horrible image of a naked woman on the laptop - this was 11am, kids at home (girl is 13, boy is 10) and either of them could have walked in and seen this. I am FURIOUS. For my kids, I'm staying, and we are working things through but what I definitly know to be true is he has never stopped looking! Although once again he has promised to stop.
Thing is, i now have a 13 yr old daughter and i am haunted by the 'teenage girls xxx' image going years back - how do i know he's not looking at underage girls? If he is, this marriage is over! I don't know what to do? Is there a way i can get our internet searched without him knowing if i have genuine cause for concern?
I'm totally confused but if he knows he's being investigated and i'm wrong then this marriage is over anyway? help?
hi March..im not sure to be honest I used to lift his fone and check it when he was on the register but not now as no point he can now delete things which he couldn't before.
I believe the stop it not site has material on what to look out for which could indicate iioc offending. Regardless your husband might not be looking at iioc but needs to consider if he has porn addiction or at risk of developing an addiction.
Unfortunately one of the most popular searches on porn sites is teen girls....on legal sites these are 18 to 19 years olds, or women than look younger for their age. It could be that your husband is not actively looking for iioc. I think somewhere in the forum people have software on their partners devices to keep an eye on online use, but I believe most need permission from their partner.
You could let your partner know you have concerns over their porn use and would like them to allow you to add tracking software. Also be frank with him and say that you are concerned he is or has viewed iioc. Don't bottle up the fact that the teen girls vid you saw in the past plays on your mind. He might be totally innocent but hopefully he can see your side and engage with you to help reduce your concern.
With regards to police, I believe they would only be able to investigate if there was real evidence of offending or perhaps safeguarding concerns. The stop it now or Lucy faithful helpline might be able to advise on this.
Unfortunately one of the most popular searches on porn sites is teen girls....on legal sites these are 18 to 19 years olds, or women than look younger for their age. It could be that your husband is not actively looking for iioc. I think somewhere in the forum people have software on their partners devices to keep an eye on online use, but I believe most need permission from their partner.
You could let your partner know you have concerns over their porn use and would like them to allow you to add tracking software. Also be frank with him and say that you are concerned he is or has viewed iioc. Don't bottle up the fact that the teen girls vid you saw in the past plays on your mind. He might be totally innocent but hopefully he can see your side and engage with you to help reduce your concern.
With regards to police, I believe they would only be able to investigate if there was real evidence of offending or perhaps safeguarding concerns. The stop it now or Lucy faithful helpline might be able to advise on this.
Just to echo what the other have said about the content. As a grown woman, I will happily admit I look at porn on the odd occasion, and the names they give a lot of these videos are purely to lure people to their page/video so they get £££ from ads. A video could be named 'Barely legal teen BB GB *insert more explicit words*' when actually, it's probably the same 30 yr old big boobed blonde who was in a video claiming she was someone's stepmother yesterday.
On another point...Oh boy do I know all about the 'promised he'd stop' thing. It took me a while, but I realised that all the 'I'm so sorry, I won't do it again' was merely him being sorry that he'd got caught. I was never bothered that my (ex) husband watched porn, I was bothered about him hiding it, and using it when I was asleep in bed next to him.
On another point...Oh boy do I know all about the 'promised he'd stop' thing. It took me a while, but I realised that all the 'I'm so sorry, I won't do it again' was merely him being sorry that he'd got caught. I was never bothered that my (ex) husband watched porn, I was bothered about him hiding it, and using it when I was asleep in bed next to him.