Family and Friends Forum

Two hours into a 14 hour shift at work (short staffed)yesterday and I get a phone call from the police to say they have finished their investigation about my husband. 11 months ago came the knock and blew my world apart. The man I thought I knew and loved very much for 10 years,was not the man I am divorcing.

I have only recently found the courage to come on here, so most of you won't really know my story. I came home from a month abroad with my new grandchild to find my husband's all singing all dancing computer (he's a computer boffin) stripped right down and bits everywhere. I did not think much of it at the time. He said he was servicing it and it took 2 days, which meant we were unable to eat at the table. I did not think much of it, except was a bit miffed that he had not done it before I got back. Fast forward 6 weeks and then the knock. He was arrested for IIOC. He swore it was a mistake and he had not looked at any porn in the time we were together.. I was in total shock. I had suspected he had watched porn in the past, by little comments he made. I just thought it was "normal" legal porn.

So yesterday I was told that they did not have enough evidence and the case has been closed. The officer also said it was some of the worse they had dealt with. They know what he downloaded and shared, but because had the know how he had managed to get rid of most of it. They said there are gaps in the history/memory usage especially for the date they were investigating. Because of this they know,but do not have the proof so unable to charge him. she also said to be honest I am better off without him in my life. When I said "hopefully he has learnt his lesson and won't do it again" she replied I doubt that very much.

I have decided this is the end of the journey for me. I have to accept that i will never know the truth and have no idea what he was watching. I can not torture myself wondering anymore. I have recently learnt that he has been addicted to porn for over 30 years and his 2 previous marriages broke up because of it.

He is in total denial and thinks he is the victim in all this. He has not once apologised or explained anything to me. I will alwys love him, but sometimes love is not enough. trust is very important as well. I feel i no longer knew him at all, which is scary as we were together for 10 years.

After 11 months of worry and many tears i am finally accepting that my life has changed forever. I would not wish this journey on anyone, but am so glad SS was not involved. I admirer all the women that have stayed and are working things out. However most of their partners have been honest and faced up to their addiction.

I am sitting here writing with sun shining through the open window. spring is here and it feels like life is about to start afresh. This week has been a roller coaster. First phone call from police to say closing the case. Yesterday I was granted my decree Nisi and today I am hoping to exchange contracts on my house sale. All this news has brought tears, sadness and relief.

So my journey ends and another begins. I wish you all the very best, keep strong and do what is right for you. For me its new house, new job, new name and new life 120miles from here with my amazing family.

Yes its scary but i can put my life back together and someday hopefully soon, so can you xx

Thank you Tabs. Wish the same to you. I will still come on here occasionally to see how you are all doing and to offer support. Good luck.