Absolutely numb
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I cannot believe that I'm posting on this site, I never thought something like this would happen to me.
My brother was arrested several months ago and is now due for his sentence in a matter of weeks, with the likelyhood of a custodial sentence.
I cannot understand what he has done, but I've gone from anger to disgust to disappointed to now being absolutely numb.
I feel guilty that I never saw he had issues sooner, angry that he couldnt turn to me for help and a complete sense of loss as I look at him and where my brother stood I now see a complete stranger.
there is now conflict in my marriage, as I cannot just abandon him, but my wife and son will not register him in our house. I can't talk to any of my friends about it as Im so ashamed, all I do every day is get up and pretend that every thing is normal and there's nothing wrong and it's just so hard.
im now questioning what the impact will be to me, my family, friends, work colleagues when it all come out, what will they think of me. I get anxiety and panic attacks thinking of him being locked up as he suffers from acute clostaphobia, he talked about ending his life but I know deep down he doesn't want too. Either way I feel I have lost my brother to this.
he is in constant attendance with Sex additics and the stop it now Organization, you can see his remorse for his mistakes and his willingness to change, but it all seems too late for him.
i am at a complete loss and don't know where to go or what to do anymore.
My brother was arrested several months ago and is now due for his sentence in a matter of weeks, with the likelyhood of a custodial sentence.
I cannot understand what he has done, but I've gone from anger to disgust to disappointed to now being absolutely numb.
I feel guilty that I never saw he had issues sooner, angry that he couldnt turn to me for help and a complete sense of loss as I look at him and where my brother stood I now see a complete stranger.
there is now conflict in my marriage, as I cannot just abandon him, but my wife and son will not register him in our house. I can't talk to any of my friends about it as Im so ashamed, all I do every day is get up and pretend that every thing is normal and there's nothing wrong and it's just so hard.
im now questioning what the impact will be to me, my family, friends, work colleagues when it all come out, what will they think of me. I get anxiety and panic attacks thinking of him being locked up as he suffers from acute clostaphobia, he talked about ending his life but I know deep down he doesn't want too. Either way I feel I have lost my brother to this.
he is in constant attendance with Sex additics and the stop it now Organization, you can see his remorse for his mistakes and his willingness to change, but it all seems too late for him.
i am at a complete loss and don't know where to go or what to do anymore.
Hi IamBroken, I'm so sorry that you find yourself here, but you've found the right place. There are lots of us here, we are all here because of a loved one's actions. Some people chose to try and understand the offence and support, others walk away. I think many of us believe that understanding is the key, so you can fully understand before making any decisions. The stop it now helpline is also for family and friends of offenders, so is a good place to talk through what is happening, maybe you can persuade your wife and son to talk to them too? As it's not only your brother that needs support, you do too.
Sadly your brother is one of many. Society is not ready to talk about this escalating crime, or to accept porn addiction. But it's very real. It was all new to me before my husband was arrested and came as a huge shock. I read as much as I could, and all the posts on this forum. I also have therapy to help me understand my feelings on it all. There are partners, parents, brothers, sisters and friends of offenders here, and we all try to support each other, with no judgment. It is a very isolating experience. Keep coming back. You will get through this, so will he, it sounds like he's really trying to help himself and take ownership, which is great. x
Sadly your brother is one of many. Society is not ready to talk about this escalating crime, or to accept porn addiction. But it's very real. It was all new to me before my husband was arrested and came as a huge shock. I read as much as I could, and all the posts on this forum. I also have therapy to help me understand my feelings on it all. There are partners, parents, brothers, sisters and friends of offenders here, and we all try to support each other, with no judgment. It is a very isolating experience. Keep coming back. You will get through this, so will he, it sounds like he's really trying to help himself and take ownership, which is great. x
Thanks for your comment Tabs.
I welcome any advice, experiences or words of support that anyone on here can offer.
Really struggling to come to terms with it all.
I welcome any advice, experiences or words of support that anyone on here can offer.
Really struggling to come to terms with it all.
Hi Iambroken,
Yes, difficult time isn't it. I feel for you . I am struggling coming to terms with this, my young son too has been caught up in all this. He's struggling too spends alot of time sleeping, he is an intelligent, kind , individual that went down the wrong path at uni during a difficult time, I am not making excuses. He wouldnt want me to and he takes responsibility for his actions. He self disclosed to the police in December. I wish he opened up to me when he was at uni and I could have helped . I am supporting him as much as I can and like you I have panic attacks about the future of what may happen . Its as if everything has suddenly been put on hold for him and us as a family. Take care of yourself.
Yes, difficult time isn't it. I feel for you . I am struggling coming to terms with this, my young son too has been caught up in all this. He's struggling too spends alot of time sleeping, he is an intelligent, kind , individual that went down the wrong path at uni during a difficult time, I am not making excuses. He wouldnt want me to and he takes responsibility for his actions. He self disclosed to the police in December. I wish he opened up to me when he was at uni and I could have helped . I am supporting him as much as I can and like you I have panic attacks about the future of what may happen . Its as if everything has suddenly been put on hold for him and us as a family. Take care of yourself.