I don't know where to start , I'm angry and confused
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I have a 21 y/o son he was arrested in Nov 2019 released pending investigation . I know his charges 3 counts of making indecent child I have kept him at home so far because of mental health but its drawing near to court etc. I have a 15 year old daughter .. recently she has started asking questions like will it be in the paper she burst into tears when I said more than likely . She is absolutely terrified that she will be targeted / bullied . I am absolutely gutted .. I feel numb/ ashamed I thought I raised my children well, obviously not :( .. I have literally changed my whole life working pattern to be able to keep our family together .. I've worn myself out .. I still don't understand why he did it .. he had his whole life in front of him and he's chucked it all away excellent job , saving for a house .. why just why .. I am at breaking point while he swans around as though nothings happening !! And I'm there to pick up the pieces and hold my family together ! This is the first time I've said anything to anyone my family will disown him I'm not sure where to turn .. I feel like I need to run :( please help ????
Hi Becky1234,
I am so sorry that you find yourself in this position. You have found the right place for support abs understanding. There are lots of other mums on here. I am not one of them, but I am sure one will respond.
Please do not blame yourself. From what I have learnt about this offence, it's not all black and white. There are a number of reasons. Have a read through old posts, there is a lot of experience there. It helps to validate the very mixed emotions you are feeling. Take care x
I am so sorry that you find yourself in this position. You have found the right place for support abs understanding. There are lots of other mums on here. I am not one of them, but I am sure one will respond.
Please do not blame yourself. From what I have learnt about this offence, it's not all black and white. There are a number of reasons. Have a read through old posts, there is a lot of experience there. It helps to validate the very mixed emotions you are feeling. Take care x
Hi Becky. So sorry to hear you are going through this nightmare. Being his Mum means you do not get the choice to stay or walk. At least he is being honest. Like lots of others i have learnt a lot from this site and had support. I honestly thought I was alone and did not realise how many men are arrested each month. Something must be going wrong with their lives to need to look at this sort of stuff. If only they would talk to loved ones before this happens.
You will get through this and come out the other side. try and take one day at a time.
You will get through this and come out the other side. try and take one day at a time.
Hi becky 1234, just had to reply as I'm also a mother and I feel for you, my son was also 19 when he was arrested for iioc, my son also had a great job and I felt his life was over before it got really started he also used to go about his life while under investigation seeming not to worry while I was was crumbling with devastation and worry, however I maybe wrong but I believe they act like this because they are ashamed guilty and worried and its their way of burying their head and I know it was my sons way of coping , annoying as it was to me , my son relieved a suspended sentence and he has managed to get himself on another very good career path , please take care and remember it maybe just his coping strategy. I'm here if you need advise
Thank you for the reply's he hasn't been honest the investigating officer called me as they have a duty of care to my daughter and to make sure I am protecting her .. officer told me the offences against him 3 charges for iioc.. I have read through some posts and I really am trying my hardest to understand .. I love him dearly but hate him at the same time when he asks for a hug I shudder .. thats not right thats my son my first born , I have tried to give all my kids a good upbringing/ morals .. I am just so confused my 15 y/o is beside herself I am now concerned that this could be so detrimental to her mental health :( what a situation to be in :(
Hi Becky1234 and Nonna
so sorry to know that you are going through this to .
I am in exactly the same situation, I have posted in response to another mum a few weeks ago , so you may wish to read it. My son 23, self disclosed to us then the police in December 2020. We are devastated , he too had a fantastic career pathway ahead . Not sure whats going to happen now long wait ahead for the investigation. I have all the same concerns Becky as you, 18 year old daughter worried about the effects on her and us as a whole. It's absolutely nothing to do with how you have raised your son, its a choice he made, or maybe he was just drawn down the wrong path. We are trying to support our son as much as possible , but we need support to. I agree Nonna, how they appear masks how they are truly feeling inside, my son is hurting and very remorseful and I am so pleased he reported it. I have very sad days about it all but there is no way to avoid going down this path with him and I wouldn't want to.
The most positive thing, is that our sons are on the road to stopping this behaviour and ultimately helping those children who it affects most.
Take care both of you in this difficult time
x
so sorry to know that you are going through this to .
I am in exactly the same situation, I have posted in response to another mum a few weeks ago , so you may wish to read it. My son 23, self disclosed to us then the police in December 2020. We are devastated , he too had a fantastic career pathway ahead . Not sure whats going to happen now long wait ahead for the investigation. I have all the same concerns Becky as you, 18 year old daughter worried about the effects on her and us as a whole. It's absolutely nothing to do with how you have raised your son, its a choice he made, or maybe he was just drawn down the wrong path. We are trying to support our son as much as possible , but we need support to. I agree Nonna, how they appear masks how they are truly feeling inside, my son is hurting and very remorseful and I am so pleased he reported it. I have very sad days about it all but there is no way to avoid going down this path with him and I wouldn't want to.
The most positive thing, is that our sons are on the road to stopping this behaviour and ultimately helping those children who it affects most.
Take care both of you in this difficult time
x