I don’t know how much more I can take
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My story- now ex husband arrest in October for indecent images of children. I only found out because my mum went to the house to pick him up and the police were there. He then told me everything- he's downloaded child porn for years and has used images of the children he has taught to merge onto other images to create new ones. I have had to tell work (I am a teacher) and have had to cope with my head, deputy and others in the academy trust knowing. My work life is falling apart and it's all just too much. I feel I can't take time off work because if I do I won't go back and my time off will hinder my chances of another teaching role elsewhere.
he has moved away- been dismissed from his teaching job, sold the family house and has started a new life elsewhere. I am the one stuck here in the same job terrified of the judgement when it all comes out. I feel uttterly hopeless and like everything I do is wrong.
he has moved away- been dismissed from his teaching job, sold the family house and has started a new life elsewhere. I am the one stuck here in the same job terrified of the judgement when it all comes out. I feel uttterly hopeless and like everything I do is wrong.
Unfortunately I have no words of wisdom as I am in the same kind of situation with my son.. what I do know is this at the moment police & courts are taking so long my son was arrested Dec 2019 and still hasn't recieved a court date .. I'm sorry you feel stuck and he has been able to move on as I know exactly how your feeling .
I hope someone can give you advice.. keep reaching out .. I have only just started reaching out .. x
I hope someone can give you advice.. keep reaching out .. I have only just started reaching out .. x
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Hello everyone,
I haven't posted on here for a while but your stories moved me to come back and try to give you a little reassurance that things can get better. Both my (now ex) husband and I were working as teachers when the 'knock' happened. It's over 4 years ago now. There wasn't a forum then for family members like myself to share thoughts and experiences. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that it is possible to move on from this and that there will be a time in the future when you will not feel so overwhelmed and hopeless. At the time it happened, I tried to carry on on my teaching job but, to be honest, it was so difficult to concentrate and keep calm in front of the classes. My headteacher and GP were both really understanding, and I was given plenty of time away from the workplace until after my husband was sentenced. I think it's completely appropriate to request time off work in these circumstances as you will inevitably be undergoing a severe emotional trauma. I did decide to divorce my husband when I found out how he had been betraying my trust and he moved out of the family home straight away. Although it was hard staying in a community where all of this was known about, the vast majority of people were kind to me during a hellish six month period leading up to his sentencing. Anyway, the point of me telling you all this is that, once I'd got through that period, I was able to really start rebuilding my life. I've now moved to a different part of the country and have got a new husband. There have been some really bumpy moments on the way, but I can honestly say that I have not been totally consumed by what happened 4 years ago. So don't think this is something you are never going to emerge from. Things do change and pass. I hope there are positive experiences around the corner for all of you. If I was able move on from this, I'm confident that you can as well.
I haven't posted on here for a while but your stories moved me to come back and try to give you a little reassurance that things can get better. Both my (now ex) husband and I were working as teachers when the 'knock' happened. It's over 4 years ago now. There wasn't a forum then for family members like myself to share thoughts and experiences. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that it is possible to move on from this and that there will be a time in the future when you will not feel so overwhelmed and hopeless. At the time it happened, I tried to carry on on my teaching job but, to be honest, it was so difficult to concentrate and keep calm in front of the classes. My headteacher and GP were both really understanding, and I was given plenty of time away from the workplace until after my husband was sentenced. I think it's completely appropriate to request time off work in these circumstances as you will inevitably be undergoing a severe emotional trauma. I did decide to divorce my husband when I found out how he had been betraying my trust and he moved out of the family home straight away. Although it was hard staying in a community where all of this was known about, the vast majority of people were kind to me during a hellish six month period leading up to his sentencing. Anyway, the point of me telling you all this is that, once I'd got through that period, I was able to really start rebuilding my life. I've now moved to a different part of the country and have got a new husband. There have been some really bumpy moments on the way, but I can honestly say that I have not been totally consumed by what happened 4 years ago. So don't think this is something you are never going to emerge from. Things do change and pass. I hope there are positive experiences around the corner for all of you. If I was able move on from this, I'm confident that you can as well.
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Hello Yellowhouse,
Thank you for your kind words, and I do hope that my story has helped you a bit.
I didn't immediately move away and, in actual fact, I felt quite strongly that I wasn't going to be forced to relocate because of something someone else had done. Also I wanted to hang onto my job. My children had already left home and were living quite a distance away, so I didn't have the same issues to contend with that you are facing.
I can't say it was easy to stay - I felt really isolated and also fearful that I might be targeted by vigilantes. I didn't know what my neighbours had witnessed at the time of the 'knock' and was afraid to go out into my street at the beginning. I also had to deal with some nastiness from a few individuals who did find out, and the constant worry that my husband's crimes were suddenly going to be more widely known about, especially at the time of the magistrates court hearing. However, things did start to settle down and I definitely had the support of a strong loyal group of local people looking out for me. They knew the score and wanted to help and protect me.
I may even have decided to stay longer in the area if I hadn't met my new partner. He lives in a different part of the country, so one of us would have had to move if we wanted to be together. It made obvious sense for me to be the one to relocate. I have occasionally had to return to my old village and I do feel a bit nervous, but I think the majority of people there either don't know or care what happened, or if they do know they wish me well. Most people just leave me alone.
Of course I separated from my husband as soon as I found out about his crimes and subsequently got divorced. I can't imagine what it would be like to stay in the same house with a partner who has been charged with internet offending. I don't think I would have been strong enough to do that, but I know some women have no choice.
Thank you for your kind words, and I do hope that my story has helped you a bit.
I didn't immediately move away and, in actual fact, I felt quite strongly that I wasn't going to be forced to relocate because of something someone else had done. Also I wanted to hang onto my job. My children had already left home and were living quite a distance away, so I didn't have the same issues to contend with that you are facing.
I can't say it was easy to stay - I felt really isolated and also fearful that I might be targeted by vigilantes. I didn't know what my neighbours had witnessed at the time of the 'knock' and was afraid to go out into my street at the beginning. I also had to deal with some nastiness from a few individuals who did find out, and the constant worry that my husband's crimes were suddenly going to be more widely known about, especially at the time of the magistrates court hearing. However, things did start to settle down and I definitely had the support of a strong loyal group of local people looking out for me. They knew the score and wanted to help and protect me.
I may even have decided to stay longer in the area if I hadn't met my new partner. He lives in a different part of the country, so one of us would have had to move if we wanted to be together. It made obvious sense for me to be the one to relocate. I have occasionally had to return to my old village and I do feel a bit nervous, but I think the majority of people there either don't know or care what happened, or if they do know they wish me well. Most people just leave me alone.
Of course I separated from my husband as soon as I found out about his crimes and subsequently got divorced. I can't imagine what it would be like to stay in the same house with a partner who has been charged with internet offending. I don't think I would have been strong enough to do that, but I know some women have no choice.