Radio 4 woman’s hour
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Did anyone hear the article today on radio 4s woman's hour?. I didn't hear it but my husband did. Think the founder of stop it now was on and it had various people on talking about there experiences, a Father who had committed the crime and what he went through and also a wife of someone who was arrested and the impact on her.It spoke about porn addiction and how it is a very very common thing in these crimes. I'm gonna try and find it on catch up somehow?, thought it would be good for everyone on here xx
That sounds interesting id like a link if you find one.
How are you doing Louise?x
How are you doing Louise?x
I'll see how I can find it!. It was on the radio today so probably be able to find it via the radio website, I'll look. I'm ok, literally nothing is happening here!. Me and my Husband are very strong but we've had a lot of tears and deep conversations. His Mum isn't helping with her drunken escapades. I've completely cut her out of our lives. I've not heard one single word, email, text, nothing from the social worker. Last time we spoke was the 15th Feb!. My husband goes for his second bail answering soon. How are you doing love. It's all gone very stressful for you hasn't it love. How are the kids?. I've been back at work a few weeks. It's very strange, we are totally carrying on with our lives but with this hanging over us to explode god knows when!
Hi Lee. I'm ok, been doing a lot of self care. I have my moments and it's really strange to say this but we are about 10 weeks in and we are very much a closer couple, is that strange?. I feel so so sad it's happened and my husband has said a million times he's so remorseful and that he could of lost us all. It's a horrible wake up call isn't it. That programme today was really talking about porn addiction. The interviewer asked the stop it now chap if these men are the P word and he replied very much no. I will try and find it tomorrow, but yeah I'd say could look on he website or bbc sounds?
Right so basically google " radio 4" and it takes you to bbc sounds. Go to the search bit and type in woman's hour and it's this
"Navigating the perimenopause, increase in online accessing of child sexual images"
In fact the perimenopause bit might be interesting for some of us too eh!
"Navigating the perimenopause, increase in online accessing of child sexual images"
In fact the perimenopause bit might be interesting for some of us too eh!
I'm listening now, just heard one bit where he said they are arresting 100,000 people a year for iioc!! I mean that's just mind blowing isn't it!. Surely they really need to look at the source, the huge websites creating images, it really is an epidemic. I strongly belief porn needs to be either made illegal or a lot tougher regulated!.
Awww that's lovely to hear!!. I've been doing projects too!. Got my sewing machine back out and I'm going to tackle Roman blinds for the lounge! And I finished my gallery wall for the dining area! My daughter got into the next level of her college course so this time she needs to get funding for tuition fees, £6000 eeekk!! Son also got an offer for college in September. It's like we are carrying on with life and actually if this hadn't of happened,this year would of been a really good year. I have this little bit of hope that we can get through this and come out hopefully the other side with not much impact to our family. I've always said to my husband I'm supporting him. Basically he's had the biggest shock of his life and so have I but my god I'm not about to throw nearly 30 years of life together away. I just think if I could guarantee that it wouldn't get in the media we will be ok.
Glad to hear your are looking after yourself Louise. It's all got a bit real for me since my husband answered his bail and was interviewed. Have you had any information from the police about if he will be interviewed?
I'm struggling on with the findings and evidence. But the fact is I know I love i just don't know if we can ever be together. Sad. Really sad. For now it's just waiting for charges.
I'm struggling on with the findings and evidence. But the fact is I know I love i just don't know if we can ever be together. Sad. Really sad. For now it's just waiting for charges.
That's sounds interesting will have to see if I can find that
Saphire we've heard nothing at all!. The only thing we know is we go for another bail. I mean he could be released under investigation. Don't even know if he will be interviewed this time round or could even be they ring him to extend bail again. Saphire everything is happening so fast for you isn't it. The positive thing in all this ( if you can find any positives!) is I've really worked on myself, taking time out and doing things to take my mind away from all this, taking time to chill and relax. I'm really glad I did CBT. It helps so much with the anxious thoughts and the panic about what will happen
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Hi ladies I have been reading your posts. I am a year next month into this horrible nightmare. Can I ask what the CBT course is please. My husband has a previous 30+ years ago and Is at Crown Court the end of next month for iioc all categories. This year has been hell We have been together nearly 25yrs and I am standing by him and supporting him, his solicitor has told him to expect a custodial sentence, I am in absolute pieces with worry. I only told my daughter(she is 32 and has 3children)at the beginning of this month as her step dad was at the magistrates court for the 1st hearing and I was so scared that it would be in the media...We haven't seen or heard anything which was a relief But now I am ill with worry and panic that the media will be there at the crown court date for his sentencing. I hope you don't mind e me joining in with your posts. What a nightmare this is for all of us. Thank you for reading.x
LLR, it stands for cognitive behavioural therapy and it centres on helping you control your worries and anxieties. When my husband first got the knock I was extremely distressed, anxious couldn't sleep with worry. I don't deal with stress very good anyway but this was a much much higher level, I believe now I had a breakdown. My doctor referred me straightaway to therapy. The techniques include various breathing techniques, mindfulness and helping to breakdown your worries. It's hard to get to grips with but it works for me xx
LLR, please join in all the time. You've had such a long year with what's gone on for you. Do you feel able to ring your doctor?. I told mine everything and he was very good, I think doctors are the best place to start, they listen without judgement. Even if you don't feel like therapy/ doctors there are plenty of techniques to help with anxiety online. I've used the Mind website a lot. I've found in the early days when everything was horrendous with me even a simple big ramble across the fields with my dog really helped. Is your daughter supporting you?. Also you say you are supporting your husband, take strength from that. I'm about the same as you, over 25 years together and before all this we were happy ( usual dramas and arguements! I mean I have teenagers so that itself is a drama!) xx
Steli, such a huge number isn't there!! I mean when I heard him say 100,000 arrested I thought he must of got his figures wrong!! There's something so wrong with the approach of the police and SS with this crime. Me and my husband were talking last night about it. My husband has had the worst wake up call of his life! I think it would help the police if they could offer help/ therapy straightway and not go down the punishment route. Especially for men who are truly remorseful. I mean for my husband at the beginning he was talking of ending it all, the thought of what he's done to his family was too much. I don't believe all the naming and shaming in the press acts as a deterrent, it clearly doesn't as look how many have been arrrested! And it's been worse in lockdown! The police really are fight a loosing battle and porn addiction is at an epidemic level. I also think they will be arresting more and more younger people. It's just so so easy to get access to extreme porn and easy to then go down the dark path of iioc
I agree with you Louise about the ages will be younger. I'm in my late 20s and I remember in college the sharing and discussion of extreme porn was the 'norm'. I thankfully never saw these vids and images. Some of the stuff mentioned (even when I was j. Secondary school) was illegal! But I dont remember in my sex ed being taught the danger of porn.
I think there is an element of peer pressure and the shock factor to discuss extreme porn. To many this won't lead to illegal viewing, but some others it is like a 'gateway' and added with other possible factors lead down the dark path of illegal porn. It is only my personal experience but I have been around young people who have boasted about the stuff they view and it is so worrying to me.
More needs to be done to prevent people going down the rabbit hole. Similar to what is done to prevent people turning to drugs and alcohol. I think. There needs to be an understanding that some people have a addictive nature and to spot signs of this to prevent it going out of control.
I think there is an element of peer pressure and the shock factor to discuss extreme porn. To many this won't lead to illegal viewing, but some others it is like a 'gateway' and added with other possible factors lead down the dark path of illegal porn. It is only my personal experience but I have been around young people who have boasted about the stuff they view and it is so worrying to me.
More needs to be done to prevent people going down the rabbit hole. Similar to what is done to prevent people turning to drugs and alcohol. I think. There needs to be an understanding that some people have a addictive nature and to spot signs of this to prevent it going out of control.
Louise it is going quick for us which is good and bad. I spent every day just wanting to know and now I know part of me wishes I didn't. Its obviously been a bigger issue over a longer time period than I had anticipated and I think even my husband is genuinely taken back by what's been found. I am in the position where I am hoping to have therapy with his therapist as she can discuss his case with me as she has lots of experience and she knows I've had disclosure. I'm still waiting to talk to my social worker as she didn't answer yesterday. That's making me very anxious today.
Hi ladies
So glad to hear how ur doing Lou,, it's very hard saphire we moved very fast indeed. I am going to listen to that later when the kids are in bed i am now fighting with sw to show I am protecting my kids,, I am setting goals and what I want from all this. I am sitting down tomorrow and redoing all my plans ready for sw on Thursday then on Friday we have another core meeting. So game head on,, what I am going to do my self what I want for him,,
Lots of work to be done but I can only do my part and partner said he will fight so time will let when he is releasd x
So glad to hear how ur doing Lou,, it's very hard saphire we moved very fast indeed. I am going to listen to that later when the kids are in bed i am now fighting with sw to show I am protecting my kids,, I am setting goals and what I want from all this. I am sitting down tomorrow and redoing all my plans ready for sw on Thursday then on Friday we have another core meeting. So game head on,, what I am going to do my self what I want for him,,
Lots of work to be done but I can only do my part and partner said he will fight so time will let when he is releasd x
Hi I'm going to try and listen to this. today I was listening to a podcast ( it's called desert island dicks...it's funny) and one of the guests was a sex counsellor/therapist....not quite sure but I plan on contacting her to raise these issues as it does need bringing out into the open x
Lucy Beresford she's called....sex and relationship author and broadcaster