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My husband has been charged and will be going to magistrates court soon. Due to 1 conversation with a vigilante decoy.
Even though we expected it its still brought everything back.
Can this be dealt with at magistrates if he pleads guilty or will it go to Crown automatically due to the nature?
He doesn't qualify for legal aid so assuming even if it goes to Crown for the sentencing we would have to pay more?
Even though we expected it its still brought everything back.
Can this be dealt with at magistrates if he pleads guilty or will it go to Crown automatically due to the nature?
He doesn't qualify for legal aid so assuming even if it goes to Crown for the sentencing we would have to pay more?
Yeah he has a solicitor, had 1 from the start as we thought he'd get a 2nd interview but nothing else was found so no other interview.
No evidence yet, solicitor says they can hold on to it until the week before? :-( seems it's the evidence that was handed over when arrested so guessing its the screen shots they gave and what he was questioned on.
Charged with sexual communication
No evidence yet, solicitor says they can hold on to it until the week before? :-( seems it's the evidence that was handed over when arrested so guessing its the screen shots they gave and what he was questioned on.
Charged with sexual communication
His phone has been checked but they've not said if anything was found on it assuming not. I can't believe what you've had to deal with and the length if time, that's terrible.
The solicitor seems to be just giving general information at the moment as has no clue what the evidence is and keeps chasing it. Said its been happening a lot recently due to covid and cps staffing. But seen as there was no 2nd interview nothing further was found anywhere. Just want it all sorted so we can get on with life.
Husband has been in private stopso therapy since the arrest. Seems the system tries to get ppl to plead guilty so it's done quickly.
The solicitor seems to be just giving general information at the moment as has no clue what the evidence is and keeps chasing it. Said its been happening a lot recently due to covid and cps staffing. But seen as there was no 2nd interview nothing further was found anywhere. Just want it all sorted so we can get on with life.
Husband has been in private stopso therapy since the arrest. Seems the system tries to get ppl to plead guilty so it's done quickly.
Hi New and Confused, I'm so sorry to hear that you have also been affected by vigilantes too. My husband had been meeting random women for a few weeks before he was caught by vigilantes where decoy was posing as a 13 year old girl, he went to meet her!!!!!
He had 2 charges, one was dropped, he pleaded guilty to the other. The original evidence was screen shots, and then we found that the phone was handed in too. I am quite confused actually, in that he spoke to decoy twice, who was an over 30 year old, and was sent a pic, stated by decoy to be 18 yr old. But the fact that she said in the conversations, many times that she was 13 is enough!! He can't say he didn't do it, or that he didn't actually believe she was 13, and was expecting to meet yet another woman.
Like your husband he has had StopSO therapist straight away, and is still seeing her, and has also seen a physiologist twice. He had suffered a breakdown, is still suffering from depression, and whole host of things. No attraction to children etc. 1st court appearance was 'no plea' to alllow time to get more information, the second he pleaded guilty once the second charge was dropped.
By pleading guilty he is now on the SOR, and we are now awaiting sentencing next week. It has taken us 19 months to get to this point! I'm very worried about the outcome. He left home straight away, I'm hoping the vigilantes leave me alone. I still worry about him and his safety. It could be a custodial, so preparing for that. As you say, it's cost a fortune so far, on top of him losing his job and moving away, funding therapy and Legal fees has really impacted our finances. I'm hoping not to lose the house......
He was advised to plead guilty as the risk of going to trial and losing a discount on sentence was felt too high, I also wonder whether the therapy has made him believe he deserves punishment too? There is no doubt that his behaviour was unacceptable. But would he have really met a child?! I don't know, but I do believe that vigilantes should not be allowed to carry in as they are, destroying people, for entertainment and glory. I am amazed that, despite saying they are not supported, the police work very hard to bring the men they catch to justice.....rarely do you hear of the groups themselves being charged for the illegal activities they use to catch their targets....
Take care of yourself. If you're like me, it's constantly on your mind. I'll update on my husbands case. Hopefully as your husband didn't go to meet, that will be a good thing.
Xxx
He had 2 charges, one was dropped, he pleaded guilty to the other. The original evidence was screen shots, and then we found that the phone was handed in too. I am quite confused actually, in that he spoke to decoy twice, who was an over 30 year old, and was sent a pic, stated by decoy to be 18 yr old. But the fact that she said in the conversations, many times that she was 13 is enough!! He can't say he didn't do it, or that he didn't actually believe she was 13, and was expecting to meet yet another woman.
Like your husband he has had StopSO therapist straight away, and is still seeing her, and has also seen a physiologist twice. He had suffered a breakdown, is still suffering from depression, and whole host of things. No attraction to children etc. 1st court appearance was 'no plea' to alllow time to get more information, the second he pleaded guilty once the second charge was dropped.
By pleading guilty he is now on the SOR, and we are now awaiting sentencing next week. It has taken us 19 months to get to this point! I'm very worried about the outcome. He left home straight away, I'm hoping the vigilantes leave me alone. I still worry about him and his safety. It could be a custodial, so preparing for that. As you say, it's cost a fortune so far, on top of him losing his job and moving away, funding therapy and Legal fees has really impacted our finances. I'm hoping not to lose the house......
He was advised to plead guilty as the risk of going to trial and losing a discount on sentence was felt too high, I also wonder whether the therapy has made him believe he deserves punishment too? There is no doubt that his behaviour was unacceptable. But would he have really met a child?! I don't know, but I do believe that vigilantes should not be allowed to carry in as they are, destroying people, for entertainment and glory. I am amazed that, despite saying they are not supported, the police work very hard to bring the men they catch to justice.....rarely do you hear of the groups themselves being charged for the illegal activities they use to catch their targets....
Take care of yourself. If you're like me, it's constantly on your mind. I'll update on my husbands case. Hopefully as your husband didn't go to meet, that will be a good thing.
Xxx
***she said in the written conversations
Thank you both for your replies
It's always on my mind as it is with us all. Amazed how 1 chat can do this, I get it needs investigating and punish him sure, what he did was wrong but 1 conversation with nothing before or after and no meeting or pics has ruined his life. Guaranteed register and some sort of conviction.
Everyone just keeps saying giving evidence back is not high on their priority lists, the police and cps just don't care. I'm worried about ss being involved again too, theyve left us alone since arrest
Thinking of you all and hope you're looking after yourselves during this time. Hoping for the best outcome in these terrible situationsxx
It's always on my mind as it is with us all. Amazed how 1 chat can do this, I get it needs investigating and punish him sure, what he did was wrong but 1 conversation with nothing before or after and no meeting or pics has ruined his life. Guaranteed register and some sort of conviction.
Everyone just keeps saying giving evidence back is not high on their priority lists, the police and cps just don't care. I'm worried about ss being involved again too, theyve left us alone since arrest
Thinking of you all and hope you're looking after yourselves during this time. Hoping for the best outcome in these terrible situationsxx
Hi Tabs. I just want to say how impacted I am that you still show such care for your husband, that you are (it seems) supporting him financially (?), that you believe him. I am involved with Lucy Faithfull not as a partner or wife, but as a mum. I believe my son. I believe he has no interest at all in IIOC, but has somehow been caught in accidental viewing while looking at adult porn. He has been for the Stopitnow therapy and online courses too. The Good Life model has been his new modum operandi!! He was offered a caution for having 8 IIOC. He was not allowed to SEE the images but was expected to admit they were his. Crazy surely?
As you say, the Police encourage the "offender" to plead guilty. Being on the SOR simply ruins peoples' lives. I don't believe it's a solution for low level offenders. The accused / convicted men or women go from being employed, active, able to financially support their family, able to focus on recovery from depression, make amends for any hurt caused etc etc . . . to being completely abandonned by some, feared by many, isolated, jobless, a burden to society, a huge cost to the taxpayer (court costs etc), and a serious suicide risk. There has to be better way of handling these cases. Surely? But, for your hubby, to have the support, however reluctantly, of your partner must help. I hope and pray that the outcome for you and your husband is less awful than you fear. You have encouraged me. Thank you.
As you say, the Police encourage the "offender" to plead guilty. Being on the SOR simply ruins peoples' lives. I don't believe it's a solution for low level offenders. The accused / convicted men or women go from being employed, active, able to financially support their family, able to focus on recovery from depression, make amends for any hurt caused etc etc . . . to being completely abandonned by some, feared by many, isolated, jobless, a burden to society, a huge cost to the taxpayer (court costs etc), and a serious suicide risk. There has to be better way of handling these cases. Surely? But, for your hubby, to have the support, however reluctantly, of your partner must help. I hope and pray that the outcome for you and your husband is less awful than you fear. You have encouraged me. Thank you.
I agree with you. My husband had an unblemished character, no illegal images found, or other illegal chats as well. And yes, he did a very bad thing. Which seems to be down to very poor mental health. But to put all the police and court energy and resources into making and pursuing a case when there are much bigger fish to catch seems crazy! My husband is also very concerned that he has had no police interview, apart from the one on the day of the vigilante sting where he was suffering severe shock and trauma and was advised to go 'no comment'. He is very keen to tell his side of the story, he believes he was actually groomed himself, not an excuse, but something that needs understanding. His solicitors advise 'not to go there'. His solicitor also says these men caught by vigilantes are low hanging fruit, vulnerable and easily manipulated. The more dangerous men do not get caught!
we are where we are. I'm hoping to find some peace when we are through this legal stage. Sadly I have lost all faith in police and the justice system,through my dealings with them alone. I think they are under resourced, many are corrupt, and these cases are easy pickings to increase their numbers.
I would have hoped that losing everything in your life, and found guilty by the public before a fair trail, and so severely damaging those around you would be punishment enough. But it seems not. X
we are where we are. I'm hoping to find some peace when we are through this legal stage. Sadly I have lost all faith in police and the justice system,through my dealings with them alone. I think they are under resourced, many are corrupt, and these cases are easy pickings to increase their numbers.
I would have hoped that losing everything in your life, and found guilty by the public before a fair trail, and so severely damaging those around you would be punishment enough. But it seems not. X
I'mamum, thank you for kind words.
For me, I have to be true to myself. It all came out of the blue. I would have sworn on my life that we would be happily ever after.
I knew of all the difficulties he faced with his family and his work. He always seemed to calmly accept things and say he'd deal with them in his way in his time. The reality was he wasn't coping and looked for unhealthy coping mechanisms. He became addicted to the internet, sexual conversations and adult porn. He wasn't well physically either and unbeknown to me, and him, suffered low self esteem, had undiagnosed depression etc etc. I didn't see it! He didn't let me see it! He hid everything as he wanted me to see him as strong and dependable. In doing that he destroyed himself.
I have had therapy too. I also read all I could, I needed to understand it. I understand that none of it is my fault and that for me personally, I can't turn my back on him. We worked together for years to get to where we are, so what we had is ours. I wouldn't turn my back on any friend that was going through this either. Nor would I judge anyone that I didn't know. Life is complicated. I will not allow this to change me and what defines me. I couldn't live with myself if I left him to struggle. Our marriage is over, but if I cut him off completely, it makes a mockery of our lovely life prior to this. I want him to find himself, he's getting there, but we are both changed by this experience.
We are all different, and cope in different ways. There is no right or wrong and I do not criticise anyone who stays in the marriage or those that sever ties altogether. I am true to me as I believe in me.
It's hard for all of us, but must be very hard for mums. That is true unconditional love, and your children will always need you. It's such a shame that this internet crime is seen as so shameful. Particularly when so many are now caught up in it. The internet has a lot to answer for, and the justice system needs to catch up to how we live. Journalists too need educating in this. Naming and shaming has no positive impact. Xx
keep strong everyone!
Xx
For me, I have to be true to myself. It all came out of the blue. I would have sworn on my life that we would be happily ever after.
I knew of all the difficulties he faced with his family and his work. He always seemed to calmly accept things and say he'd deal with them in his way in his time. The reality was he wasn't coping and looked for unhealthy coping mechanisms. He became addicted to the internet, sexual conversations and adult porn. He wasn't well physically either and unbeknown to me, and him, suffered low self esteem, had undiagnosed depression etc etc. I didn't see it! He didn't let me see it! He hid everything as he wanted me to see him as strong and dependable. In doing that he destroyed himself.
I have had therapy too. I also read all I could, I needed to understand it. I understand that none of it is my fault and that for me personally, I can't turn my back on him. We worked together for years to get to where we are, so what we had is ours. I wouldn't turn my back on any friend that was going through this either. Nor would I judge anyone that I didn't know. Life is complicated. I will not allow this to change me and what defines me. I couldn't live with myself if I left him to struggle. Our marriage is over, but if I cut him off completely, it makes a mockery of our lovely life prior to this. I want him to find himself, he's getting there, but we are both changed by this experience.
We are all different, and cope in different ways. There is no right or wrong and I do not criticise anyone who stays in the marriage or those that sever ties altogether. I am true to me as I believe in me.
It's hard for all of us, but must be very hard for mums. That is true unconditional love, and your children will always need you. It's such a shame that this internet crime is seen as so shameful. Particularly when so many are now caught up in it. The internet has a lot to answer for, and the justice system needs to catch up to how we live. Journalists too need educating in this. Naming and shaming has no positive impact. Xx
keep strong everyone!
Xx