sentencing on monday help!
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hi everyone,
i hope you are all well.
i haven't been active on this forum for a few months because the shock and fear wore off and my brother came home.
however, he has his sentencing on monday (29/3). we are all terrified, as it could go either way. he is charged with iioc and from what i know, they're bad (cat A?), however there is less than 100, which, from research, i think is not that many?
he has good lawyers as we are lucky enough to be able to afford them (we, i mean my parents), he is only 21, has never committed a crime before this, and has been accepted in to a psychiatric programme to help. all these things i think work in his favour. however, i don't want to get my hopes up.
i worry about all the things we all worry about, the press, how he will cope, how my mum and i will cope etc. he wrote a to do list for himself for the weekend, which included packing a "prison bag" and who to say his goodbyes to. it is heartbreaking.
what do i need to do to prepare myself for the worst? how long is he likely to serve if he does get a custodial sentence? and will he change once he gets out? and if so how?
i worry about his mental health hugely, i worry about mine too as i have a history of self harm and suicide attemps (before all this happened). i also worry about my mum's mental health, it has crumbled since the knock and i will inevitably be the one caring for her.
i feel i have the weight of the world on my shoulders with very little strength to hold it up. i am trying to stay positive but realistic, which is easier said than done.
what type of prison will he go to? is he safe there? how can i visit, especially during the pandemic? i know nothing of this world, no one prepares you for it, like all of us, i assume, we have been thrown in the deep end.
some advice would be hugley appreciated. thank you so much for your help so far xxx
i hope you are all well.
i haven't been active on this forum for a few months because the shock and fear wore off and my brother came home.
however, he has his sentencing on monday (29/3). we are all terrified, as it could go either way. he is charged with iioc and from what i know, they're bad (cat A?), however there is less than 100, which, from research, i think is not that many?
he has good lawyers as we are lucky enough to be able to afford them (we, i mean my parents), he is only 21, has never committed a crime before this, and has been accepted in to a psychiatric programme to help. all these things i think work in his favour. however, i don't want to get my hopes up.
i worry about all the things we all worry about, the press, how he will cope, how my mum and i will cope etc. he wrote a to do list for himself for the weekend, which included packing a "prison bag" and who to say his goodbyes to. it is heartbreaking.
what do i need to do to prepare myself for the worst? how long is he likely to serve if he does get a custodial sentence? and will he change once he gets out? and if so how?
i worry about his mental health hugely, i worry about mine too as i have a history of self harm and suicide attemps (before all this happened). i also worry about my mum's mental health, it has crumbled since the knock and i will inevitably be the one caring for her.
i feel i have the weight of the world on my shoulders with very little strength to hold it up. i am trying to stay positive but realistic, which is easier said than done.
what type of prison will he go to? is he safe there? how can i visit, especially during the pandemic? i know nothing of this world, no one prepares you for it, like all of us, i assume, we have been thrown in the deep end.
some advice would be hugley appreciated. thank you so much for your help so far xxx
I'm so sorry I don't have answers to any of your questions but I will be thinking of you and your family and I truly hope for the best possible outcome for you all. I would lean towards a good outcome as the amount of images is low, he's young, he seems to be proactive about getting himself help but courts are so inconsistent. As much as it feels impossible try not to think about prison and things until you need to. You seem a strong and supportive family so I hope you're able to help each other through the next couple of days.
Lots of love xx
Lots of love xx
Hello Billion
I can't offer any advice as I am not that far along the path, this and the legal system is all new to us. My son 23 is waiting to hear after he informed the police of his actions and was then arrested, I have all the same worries you describe. All I can do is wish you and you family well and for the very best outcome on Monday . I am hoping that he won't get a custodial sentence , he is so young . Take care of yourselves and the very best wishes.
I can't offer any advice as I am not that far along the path, this and the legal system is all new to us. My son 23 is waiting to hear after he informed the police of his actions and was then arrested, I have all the same worries you describe. All I can do is wish you and you family well and for the very best outcome on Monday . I am hoping that he won't get a custodial sentence , he is so young . Take care of yourselves and the very best wishes.
Hi billion
I know how your feeling.
All I can say is hope for the best, easier said then done as the worry completely takes over.
The few days before my hub sentence.We went for walks, chatted rubbish to each other,hugs, played cards, board games,made cakes. We kept ourselves very busy. Anything to stop looking at the bag in the corner.
The media, I would come of all social media, I read what it said in the online paper and it broke me. Try not to read it, it does only last a few days and soon goes to the bottom of the page.
Take care, look after each other
Anne X
I know how your feeling.
All I can say is hope for the best, easier said then done as the worry completely takes over.
The few days before my hub sentence.We went for walks, chatted rubbish to each other,hugs, played cards, board games,made cakes. We kept ourselves very busy. Anything to stop looking at the bag in the corner.
The media, I would come of all social media, I read what it said in the online paper and it broke me. Try not to read it, it does only last a few days and soon goes to the bottom of the page.
Take care, look after each other
Anne X
Hi Billion,
My husband has sentencing next week too. He pleaded guilty to communicating with and attempting to meet a 13 year. 1 charge. (It was a vigilante decoy) He has had his probation meeting, which, according to solicitor produced as good a report as he'd seen. He's done loads of work and therapy, has many doctors reports and physiologist reports. Solicitor has said that despite all of this, prepare for prison, as, although it seems odd to me, it all comes down to the judge on the day.
I am trying to distract myself and look after my own mental health. I can't do anything at this stage, having already written a reference. We are separated, but having had a long and happy marriage, and being very close, I can't help but be concerned for him, and of course worried about the impact on me.
others should be able to tell you about prison, if that happens, there have been some recent posts in that subject. For now, for me, I am not thinking too much about it. I will face it, if and when it happens. I am trying to focus on it being a positive to bring this dreadful limbo to an end. The accused has a lot of professional support around them, as they are concerned about their mental health, so it's up to us to put ourselves first....as someone said, put on your own life jacket before helping others.
I'll be thinking of you, and hope for the very best outcome. xx
My husband has sentencing next week too. He pleaded guilty to communicating with and attempting to meet a 13 year. 1 charge. (It was a vigilante decoy) He has had his probation meeting, which, according to solicitor produced as good a report as he'd seen. He's done loads of work and therapy, has many doctors reports and physiologist reports. Solicitor has said that despite all of this, prepare for prison, as, although it seems odd to me, it all comes down to the judge on the day.
I am trying to distract myself and look after my own mental health. I can't do anything at this stage, having already written a reference. We are separated, but having had a long and happy marriage, and being very close, I can't help but be concerned for him, and of course worried about the impact on me.
others should be able to tell you about prison, if that happens, there have been some recent posts in that subject. For now, for me, I am not thinking too much about it. I will face it, if and when it happens. I am trying to focus on it being a positive to bring this dreadful limbo to an end. The accused has a lot of professional support around them, as they are concerned about their mental health, so it's up to us to put ourselves first....as someone said, put on your own life jacket before helping others.
I'll be thinking of you, and hope for the very best outcome. xx
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Hi
While I don't have all the answers to your questions, I have come out the other side, I have had it splashed all over the newspapers and socials and I am still here.
My first advice is to come off all social media. I did this month's in advance. It also gave me headspace to do other things and keep busy. In a way I had more clarity.
Whilst I worried and prayed every night about the press reporting it, it changed nothing. It did come out, and honestly I thought it would have been worse than what it was. It lingered online for a few days then the court reported on more men up against similar charges. Everyday there's someone else.
Cat A is the highest cat in this situation, but it does really depend on the judge on the day, I don't think you can guage or estimate what may be the outcome.
Easier said than done I would make your brother as comfortable as possible this weekend and try and make the most of this time you have together. Wishing you the best of luck moving forward xx
While I don't have all the answers to your questions, I have come out the other side, I have had it splashed all over the newspapers and socials and I am still here.
My first advice is to come off all social media. I did this month's in advance. It also gave me headspace to do other things and keep busy. In a way I had more clarity.
Whilst I worried and prayed every night about the press reporting it, it changed nothing. It did come out, and honestly I thought it would have been worse than what it was. It lingered online for a few days then the court reported on more men up against similar charges. Everyday there's someone else.
Cat A is the highest cat in this situation, but it does really depend on the judge on the day, I don't think you can guage or estimate what may be the outcome.
Easier said than done I would make your brother as comfortable as possible this weekend and try and make the most of this time you have together. Wishing you the best of luck moving forward xx
My husband sentenced today, 10mths xx
I am so sorry Totalyheartbroken. I do hope you have good support. Put yourself first, and take good care of yourself. xx
BILLION
I havnt been active on here as I keep reading so much ????.
I have no advice for you as my 21 y/o son still hasn't been to court ( July) and he was arrested in Dec 2019.
I will be hoping that your family can find the strength in the situation you find yourselves in. Have the solicitors not said what your brother could be looking at ?
Please update us .. we will be thinking of you.
Sending a hug your way x
I havnt been active on here as I keep reading so much ????.
I have no advice for you as my 21 y/o son still hasn't been to court ( July) and he was arrested in Dec 2019.
I will be hoping that your family can find the strength in the situation you find yourselves in. Have the solicitors not said what your brother could be looking at ?
Please update us .. we will be thinking of you.
Sending a hug your way x
hi,
he is looking at 2 to 3 years. and are hopeful that he will get a suspended sentence. his probation officer's report to the judge recommends a suspended sentence, but will obviously be the judge's decision.
i cannot tell you how much all of your support has meant to my mum and to me.
the hearing is at 2pm tomorrow.
i will of course keep you updated.
xxx
he is looking at 2 to 3 years. and are hopeful that he will get a suspended sentence. his probation officer's report to the judge recommends a suspended sentence, but will obviously be the judge's decision.
i cannot tell you how much all of your support has meant to my mum and to me.
the hearing is at 2pm tomorrow.
i will of course keep you updated.
xxx
totalyheartbroken,
i am so sorry to hear about your husband. i can imagine you are missing him terribly.
this forum has been a saving grace for me, and i'm sure will carry on being so, as, although this chapter is coming to an end, the book is far from over.
i hope in the coming months this forum will offer a lot of support for you and the spring and summer months will pass quickly.
sending you love and strength xxx
i am so sorry to hear about your husband. i can imagine you are missing him terribly.
this forum has been a saving grace for me, and i'm sure will carry on being so, as, although this chapter is coming to an end, the book is far from over.
i hope in the coming months this forum will offer a lot of support for you and the spring and summer months will pass quickly.
sending you love and strength xxx
Billion
I know your probably busy but I havnt stopped thinking of you & your family . Hoping the outcome wasn't too bad.
X
I know your probably busy but I havnt stopped thinking of you & your family . Hoping the outcome wasn't too bad.
X
hi becky, and everyone,
it has been the most anxiety provoking day of our lives, neither my mum or i sat in the court because we thought it best not to hear all the details, however we were sat outside the whole time.
after an hour and a half he came out and my mum collapsed in his arms and in tears.
he has received a suspended sentence, he will be home with us so i can squeeze him forever.
the next few months/years will not be easy but i am so so thankful that this day has come and gone and is no longer looming over us. we can finally get back to some sort of normality without the worry of losing him.
again, thank you for your kind words, support and love. what a kind compassionate community we have found ourselves in. xxx
it has been the most anxiety provoking day of our lives, neither my mum or i sat in the court because we thought it best not to hear all the details, however we were sat outside the whole time.
after an hour and a half he came out and my mum collapsed in his arms and in tears.
he has received a suspended sentence, he will be home with us so i can squeeze him forever.
the next few months/years will not be easy but i am so so thankful that this day has come and gone and is no longer looming over us. we can finally get back to some sort of normality without the worry of losing him.
again, thank you for your kind words, support and love. what a kind compassionate community we have found ourselves in. xxx
Billion
I don't blame you or your mum for not going in . Not sure how I will cope,my son isn't due in court till July.
I am so pleased of the outcome for you all, did he have any sanctions put on him ? Like limited Internet access , community service etc.
What a relief , hopefully you can start to rebuild now as a family,it sounds like your brother has a very supportive family well done to you all . Sending love your way ? xx
I don't blame you or your mum for not going in . Not sure how I will cope,my son isn't due in court till July.
I am so pleased of the outcome for you all, did he have any sanctions put on him ? Like limited Internet access , community service etc.
What a relief , hopefully you can start to rebuild now as a family,it sounds like your brother has a very supportive family well done to you all . Sending love your way ? xx
Hi Billion
im in a similar situation to you as it's my brother, and I totally get the stress of worrying about him and your mother as I'm feeling it all now. My brother is being investigated for possession of images. We got the knock in October 2020 then in January they returned all devices except 2 memory sticks which were being sent for further investigation. Does anyone know how long it could take from then? This is such a lonely club to be part of
im in a similar situation to you as it's my brother, and I totally get the stress of worrying about him and your mother as I'm feeling it all now. My brother is being investigated for possession of images. We got the knock in October 2020 then in January they returned all devices except 2 memory sticks which were being sent for further investigation. Does anyone know how long it could take from then? This is such a lonely club to be part of
Carmella
Good evening
My son was arrested in Dec 2019 released pending investigation. Laptop,ipad and 1 phone returned 1 kept as there was stuff on that one . Oct 2020 interviewed because of evidence found 400 iioc cat A-C.
It can take upto 2 years I don't know why it takes so long so it could be along road :( .
Ours has been, his first court appearance isn't until July so then it would 19th months in total but obviously it will go to Crown.
Has your brother opened up at all about it ? X
Good evening
My son was arrested in Dec 2019 released pending investigation. Laptop,ipad and 1 phone returned 1 kept as there was stuff on that one . Oct 2020 interviewed because of evidence found 400 iioc cat A-C.
It can take upto 2 years I don't know why it takes so long so it could be along road :( .
Ours has been, his first court appearance isn't until July so then it would 19th months in total but obviously it will go to Crown.
Has your brother opened up at all about it ? X
urgh what a lovely group of people you all are!
becky: sanction wise, he has to do 150 hours of unpaid work, and 10 years on the register. he has to attend 5 day group therapy thing? he is allowed internet access, as long as the history is available to be seen at any time. he has no curfew which is good as he is a popular 21 year old and likes to be out late, and he mus tell probation if he stays any where that isnt home. i think that's all. we have a 10 year old half sister (she doesn't know anything thank god) and he is allowed to see her without supervision, not that he ever would because i'm always there anyway. but it's good to know that it is possible to have normality within the family
the judge wasn't nice according to him and "wanted to cause drama" as when she returned after coming to a decision, she started off by saying "the only reasonable outcome for your crimes is a custodial sentence"... who says that!?! to then go on and say "but i'm giving you a suspended sentence." he said his heart stopped as he thought "that's it, i'm going away".
carmella: i'm sorry to hear about your brother, from what i've seen, there aren't many sisters on this forum, but that hasn't affected the amount of support.
the police have still not returned my brothers phone (he is still paying the contract for) or his laptop or his harddrive, which has all of the photos he's taken over the years. i don't know if he'll ever get them back.
stay strong, it is hard looking after a parent, especially when they have been so resilliant in the past. but it is important for everyone that you look after yourself and put yourself first as hard as that might be. you are only able to help when you have looked after yourself. it's a long road and it's a horrible one, but this forum has been the one constant support as well as being a grounding group of people, as they all know what you're going through. i hope you, your mum and your brother are ok, and anyone else this has affected. keep eachother close and be open about how you feel. as uncomfortable as it was at the beginning, after my brother got bail, we asked questions and got answers and expressed how we felt, which we often hadn't done in the past (my brother hadn't, i'm generally quite an emotional person so have no issue with telling them how i feel. he obiously was hiding this secret), and most importantly, express love, if there's one thing i've learnt, the power of love exceeds all expectations. i would do anything for him and i would do it all again if i needed to (though i really don't want to as i wouldn't wish this on anyone) but he knows how much i love him now more than ever before.
i am here as a "fellow" sister if you need me.
love xxxx
becky: sanction wise, he has to do 150 hours of unpaid work, and 10 years on the register. he has to attend 5 day group therapy thing? he is allowed internet access, as long as the history is available to be seen at any time. he has no curfew which is good as he is a popular 21 year old and likes to be out late, and he mus tell probation if he stays any where that isnt home. i think that's all. we have a 10 year old half sister (she doesn't know anything thank god) and he is allowed to see her without supervision, not that he ever would because i'm always there anyway. but it's good to know that it is possible to have normality within the family
the judge wasn't nice according to him and "wanted to cause drama" as when she returned after coming to a decision, she started off by saying "the only reasonable outcome for your crimes is a custodial sentence"... who says that!?! to then go on and say "but i'm giving you a suspended sentence." he said his heart stopped as he thought "that's it, i'm going away".
carmella: i'm sorry to hear about your brother, from what i've seen, there aren't many sisters on this forum, but that hasn't affected the amount of support.
the police have still not returned my brothers phone (he is still paying the contract for) or his laptop or his harddrive, which has all of the photos he's taken over the years. i don't know if he'll ever get them back.
stay strong, it is hard looking after a parent, especially when they have been so resilliant in the past. but it is important for everyone that you look after yourself and put yourself first as hard as that might be. you are only able to help when you have looked after yourself. it's a long road and it's a horrible one, but this forum has been the one constant support as well as being a grounding group of people, as they all know what you're going through. i hope you, your mum and your brother are ok, and anyone else this has affected. keep eachother close and be open about how you feel. as uncomfortable as it was at the beginning, after my brother got bail, we asked questions and got answers and expressed how we felt, which we often hadn't done in the past (my brother hadn't, i'm generally quite an emotional person so have no issue with telling them how i feel. he obiously was hiding this secret), and most importantly, express love, if there's one thing i've learnt, the power of love exceeds all expectations. i would do anything for him and i would do it all again if i needed to (though i really don't want to as i wouldn't wish this on anyone) but he knows how much i love him now more than ever before.
i am here as a "fellow" sister if you need me.
love xxxx
Billion
You have given me hope for my 21 y/o son thank you. If the police found iioc on all of his devices they will be destroyed I'd ask your brother to chase it up and find out . Its hard as my son had 2 phones one was destroyed as they were on there ( still on contract ) . I had to tell my 15 y/o daughter as social services was going to contact her etc I soon put a stop to that, I'm pleased your sister doesn't know its so hard for everyone.
You sound like an amazing sister I wish my other son 19 y/o could be like you he has turned his back on his brother :( we all live in the same house so you can imagine how hard that is.
I wish you and your family well your words are very true and have just learnt to remember me I lost her for a while :( there was a time I didn't think I could support my son but he's mine and I love him dearly so we will travel this road together.
Take care Billion xxx
You have given me hope for my 21 y/o son thank you. If the police found iioc on all of his devices they will be destroyed I'd ask your brother to chase it up and find out . Its hard as my son had 2 phones one was destroyed as they were on there ( still on contract ) . I had to tell my 15 y/o daughter as social services was going to contact her etc I soon put a stop to that, I'm pleased your sister doesn't know its so hard for everyone.
You sound like an amazing sister I wish my other son 19 y/o could be like you he has turned his back on his brother :( we all live in the same house so you can imagine how hard that is.
I wish you and your family well your words are very true and have just learnt to remember me I lost her for a while :( there was a time I didn't think I could support my son but he's mine and I love him dearly so we will travel this road together.
Take care Billion xxx
I am so relieved for you Billion. I too was thinking about you and popping on the forum throughout the day to see how you were going!
It sounds as though you are a strong family, and you have got through this as a unit which is wonderful to hear. He is lucky to have you as his sister, I'm sure he knows that too. Now relax and take some time for you! xxx
It sounds as though you are a strong family, and you have got through this as a unit which is wonderful to hear. He is lucky to have you as his sister, I'm sure he knows that too. Now relax and take some time for you! xxx
Billion, I was also thinking about you love. I feel the sense of relief for you and I'm so pleased you can now move forward. Your family sound strong, crikey even though I don't know you I could have a little tear!. Virtual hugs all round! Xx
Hi and thank you for your replies, my brother has opened up, one of the things he said to me was he feels like he's had a huge weight lifted but replaced with a noose around his neck, he's speaking to a sex councillor once a week, my brother has 2 young children, and he has said to his ex partner that if it goes to court he will take his own life so the kids don't have to live with what he's done. Xx
Carmela
The chances are it will go to court depending on what they find . Your brother has opened up so obviously something has happened.
With regards his children they have no judgment as they love there dad unconditionally, please ask your brother to seek advice around his mental health as thats very concerning . The months ahead are the worst and many emotions to come.
When was your brother arrested ? Was it just phones they took ? Does he still see his kids ? Is ss involved ?
Xx
The chances are it will go to court depending on what they find . Your brother has opened up so obviously something has happened.
With regards his children they have no judgment as they love there dad unconditionally, please ask your brother to seek advice around his mental health as thats very concerning . The months ahead are the worst and many emotions to come.
When was your brother arrested ? Was it just phones they took ? Does he still see his kids ? Is ss involved ?
Xx
He's never been arrested, they came to my mothers house where he had only been staying for a matter of weeks and wasn't down on any record of staying there, they took his phone laptop but returned except 2 memory cards which he's had since he was 13 storing porn on. Social services haven't been involved and he's still having his children regularly, the knock came in October. Xx
Hi Billion,
I feel relieved and pleased for your brother, you and your family . You must feel that the world has been on your shoulders and trying to support both your brother and mum too. I am pleased a hugh weight has been lifted. Take care of yourselves and have a wonderful Easter.
To all those, mums, sisters , brothers and fathers I wish you all well as you travel down this stressful and emotional road. I keep telling myself, if this can happen to me , this can happen to any family and no-one is exempt.
Take care all of you .
I feel relieved and pleased for your brother, you and your family . You must feel that the world has been on your shoulders and trying to support both your brother and mum too. I am pleased a hugh weight has been lifted. Take care of yourselves and have a wonderful Easter.
To all those, mums, sisters , brothers and fathers I wish you all well as you travel down this stressful and emotional road. I keep telling myself, if this can happen to me , this can happen to any family and no-one is exempt.
Take care all of you .