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my son was arrested yesterday x he had been talking to a gay male on grinder who then said he had assaulted his young nephew x my son thought he could arrange a meet and catch him in the act and phone the police . He’s been arrested and fully cooperated and given all his passwords etc and they released him on bail . The police have been nice and said they have no reason to disbelieve him but they have to check all his devices . They missed one in the search and he told them and they came back for it . To say we’re shocked is an understatement. He had no sexual images on his lap top of children and he hasn’t accessed any child porn sites . He has watched gay porn tho . I’m absolutely devastated x
Scrappy, I'm really sorry to hear of your predicament. It's very early days, don't let it completely overwhelm and consume you (easy to say in hindsight for me!) You are in a position you never imagined but you just have to let the Police do what they need to do, you can't excercise any control over much of this but you can try to stay calm and take care of yourself and your son at this time.
You are not as isolated as you think, you can always post on here and talk to the helpline. We are all very supportive here.
Best Wishes, Jaded.
You are not as isolated as you think, you can always post on here and talk to the helpline. We are all very supportive here.
Best Wishes, Jaded.
I imagine its a huge shock for you and i know its difficult to process. There are a few mums on the forum so hopefully they can help you with how it feels as a parent of someone who has been arrested. Call the helpline for advice also they are great for support and advice. Its a good thing that he is fully co-operating with the police. Keep calm, keep asking questions and although its awful to be going through all this, know that you are not alone.
Thanks for replying. I called the helpline they were really good . I never thought I’d experience anything like this . I know we have a rough few weeks ahead . My son also can’t out as gay last night when he was released .. I’ve know for a long time he was gay and that’s irrelevant really it never would or will worry me . What I hate is all these seedy chat rooms a dating apps I suppose I’m old fashioned x I just keep looking at him and wondering what is ahead for him
Hi Scrappy. It sounds like you are having a really stressful time. Your son coming out as gay this way was probably not what he had envisaged. In terms of Grindr, I have quite a few male friends who use it regularly - you’re right, it does seem seedy, but so many gay men use it. That probably doesn’t make you feel better, just wanted to let you know your son isn’t unusual for using it. You sound like a great mum x
I just feel so sorry that he’s had to come out in this way and he’s got caught up in something and didn’t know what to do x he’s been so honest with me and I’ve asked him some really intrusive questions . He’s still my baby tho and he’s even slept in my bed the last three nights so I know he’s ok x my husband is a mand man and he said being gay isn’t the end of the world but for him to say that is amazing x he said he loves him and that’s all their is too it . Someone sent him a photo and he deleted it before he downloaded but I’ve read you’re supposed to keep them . I’m trawling the internet . He arranged to meet the guy in a pub with the outcome being him calling the cops . I’m sort of blaming myself as to why he couldn’t come out and he couldn’t come to us after he got into trouble but I’ll never know now x My family is so supportive and knowing my son as they do they’ve spoken to him and said they love him and believe him x
I have so many gay friends (male and female) I just don’t see it as an issue, but I forget that it can be really big stuff for the person coming out. You both sound like you are being so supportive of your son. It’s a shame this has happened, but this does not define your son. He is more than this one incident. We all do things we regret - some of us just don’t get caught x