6 days in
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Hi folks,
I've stumbled across this page goggling "kik" and I really just need a space to vent.
Last week we were woken up at 5am to 3 officers at our front door. They told us the crime was possessing 1 indecent image of a child aged between 14-16. My other half says he knows what they're talking about but deleted the image and the app as soon as he saw what the photo was. They took all our tech to investigate and went through everything in the house to make sure we weren't hiding anything because the other half had tried to hide his phone in a panic because quite frankly him and his friends share a lot of porn and gross videos in their WhatsApp group but I thought it was just them being pigs I never expected anything like this.
He's now been released on bail and it's the same situation no unsupervised contact with our daughter who is only 16 months, SS involved and the high chance of him losing his job and is losing our house. I'm not originally from where we're living so I'm going to have to move back in with my parents at 31 and probably go on benefits until I can find a new job.
I've been handling the whole situation really well and it's not healthy I know it's not, I make jokes and carry on as if it's just another day. I know I'm on the edge of a breakdown. I'm back at work tomorrow after calling in sick last week and I just don't think I can face it. I can't sleep, I don't want to face the world I want to curl up and stay in bed all day but I don't have that option, I can't explain to my boss and take time off I just can't admit what's happened.
He's staying at his mums and I'm trying to keep it all together for our little girl and I'm quite honestly crumbling.
I've stumbled across this page goggling "kik" and I really just need a space to vent.
Last week we were woken up at 5am to 3 officers at our front door. They told us the crime was possessing 1 indecent image of a child aged between 14-16. My other half says he knows what they're talking about but deleted the image and the app as soon as he saw what the photo was. They took all our tech to investigate and went through everything in the house to make sure we weren't hiding anything because the other half had tried to hide his phone in a panic because quite frankly him and his friends share a lot of porn and gross videos in their WhatsApp group but I thought it was just them being pigs I never expected anything like this.
He's now been released on bail and it's the same situation no unsupervised contact with our daughter who is only 16 months, SS involved and the high chance of him losing his job and is losing our house. I'm not originally from where we're living so I'm going to have to move back in with my parents at 31 and probably go on benefits until I can find a new job.
I've been handling the whole situation really well and it's not healthy I know it's not, I make jokes and carry on as if it's just another day. I know I'm on the edge of a breakdown. I'm back at work tomorrow after calling in sick last week and I just don't think I can face it. I can't sleep, I don't want to face the world I want to curl up and stay in bed all day but I don't have that option, I can't explain to my boss and take time off I just can't admit what's happened.
He's staying at his mums and I'm trying to keep it all together for our little girl and I'm quite honestly crumbling.
Hi Lilymay
Well done for reaching out to us all on here. I'm sure you will recieve lots of great advice from all of us going through this hell.
Im sorry you have found yourself here. 6 days in is extremely raw for you. I found the first month was the worst but as the weeks go on you do find a way of getting though the days. While its easy for me to say this as my journey is over the best advice I got on here was to take each day as it comes and don't plan too far ahead. Try and just tackle the day that your in one at a time or it becomes overwhelming and anxious for you.
I also reached out to NHS talking therapies and recieved CBT and councilling. This saved my life. I was in a very dark place.
I can't imagine the anxst you feel about moving home, changing jobs, on top of everything else your experiencing, my heart breaks for you. This should be a happy time enjoying your little daughter. As you've mentioned only one pic it might not be as bad so try not to catastrophise. I think there are stories on here of similar situation so see if you can see their outcomes. I know the shock of the knock is traumatic iv lived that but it will subside.
I hope your partner gives you honesty throughout this journey. That is what you deserve. Remember none of this is your fault.
I can't imagine how you will get through work. I got the knock a few days before the first lockdown eased and I work front of house and had to be all smiles. Thank god for ppe and masks I literally hid from it. I had been off 3 months in lockdown but no the knock had to come right at the end But in a way having that distraction did help and it tired me out physically as I couldn't sleep due to anxiety.
A few things I remember in the beginning which helped we was to not drink alcohol. This would send my brain into overdrive. I felt I needed to feel whatever this was at that moment and not later on. That was what I felt best for me.
I also would make myself go on a long walk every eve after work to clear my head after the day.
I self referred online to NHS talking therapies to face it head on so it didn't hit me later on. I kept a journel of my feelings and thoughts.
Even though I didn't want to I made myself eat. Even if it was a cake or something I would eat as a treat. You need your strength to mentally be able to focus. My immune system was shot after the knock. I was literally on my nerves for weeks.
I hope some of this may help you. I called the helpline in the beginning and got good advice too which really did help calm me down. I hope you've got a good support network around you and remember you can always reach out on here.
Lots of love yazznan xxx
Well done for reaching out to us all on here. I'm sure you will recieve lots of great advice from all of us going through this hell.
Im sorry you have found yourself here. 6 days in is extremely raw for you. I found the first month was the worst but as the weeks go on you do find a way of getting though the days. While its easy for me to say this as my journey is over the best advice I got on here was to take each day as it comes and don't plan too far ahead. Try and just tackle the day that your in one at a time or it becomes overwhelming and anxious for you.
I also reached out to NHS talking therapies and recieved CBT and councilling. This saved my life. I was in a very dark place.
I can't imagine the anxst you feel about moving home, changing jobs, on top of everything else your experiencing, my heart breaks for you. This should be a happy time enjoying your little daughter. As you've mentioned only one pic it might not be as bad so try not to catastrophise. I think there are stories on here of similar situation so see if you can see their outcomes. I know the shock of the knock is traumatic iv lived that but it will subside.
I hope your partner gives you honesty throughout this journey. That is what you deserve. Remember none of this is your fault.
I can't imagine how you will get through work. I got the knock a few days before the first lockdown eased and I work front of house and had to be all smiles. Thank god for ppe and masks I literally hid from it. I had been off 3 months in lockdown but no the knock had to come right at the end But in a way having that distraction did help and it tired me out physically as I couldn't sleep due to anxiety.
A few things I remember in the beginning which helped we was to not drink alcohol. This would send my brain into overdrive. I felt I needed to feel whatever this was at that moment and not later on. That was what I felt best for me.
I also would make myself go on a long walk every eve after work to clear my head after the day.
I self referred online to NHS talking therapies to face it head on so it didn't hit me later on. I kept a journel of my feelings and thoughts.
Even though I didn't want to I made myself eat. Even if it was a cake or something I would eat as a treat. You need your strength to mentally be able to focus. My immune system was shot after the knock. I was literally on my nerves for weeks.
I hope some of this may help you. I called the helpline in the beginning and got good advice too which really did help calm me down. I hope you've got a good support network around you and remember you can always reach out on here.
Lots of love yazznan xxx
@yazznan Thank you so much for your reply. It's made me quite emotional that a stranger could be so kind. It's only been 10 days now since the dreaded knock and I feel as though the world is crumbling but I'm going to take your advice and self refer for talking therapy and hope this helps. Thank you for your kindness x