One of those days
Notifications OFF
Hi, bit of a ramble post I'm afraid!. It's been about 11 weeks or so since the knock. First few weeks were horrendous. Then we slowly but surely got through it and in fact in a weird way me and my husband are closer and there's a sense of calmness ( I know that sounds strange!). I had CBT therapy ( still do the therapy now) and we are getting there. I've gone back to work, I love my job, without giving much detail it's very much front of house, I'm a supervisor and deal with the public all day. I love all the staff and we are a very close gang. Anyway today I just feel blearghhhh, I'm not feeling 100%, pretty exhausted and quite tearful ( I suffer badly with IBS, also had a very bad UTI before Christmas, ended up in A and E). Sorry I'm totally rambling but wanted to say if others like me are having a crappy day, just give in to it. In the first few weeks I struggled with giving in, I tried to do " all the things"! Typical Mum mode! But it ended up the roles reversing and my kids looked after me! ( they are 18 and 16!). I wanted to say to you all it's ok to have a sofa day ( In the first few weeks after the knock I rewatched all of Downton Abbey! It really helped with distracting my mind). I love walking so did a lot of rambles across the fields with my dog. I love interior design so finished our lounge etc etc. What I'm trying to say is this situation we all are in, weather we support our husbands/partners/ family members or walk away is so exhausting and all consuming you need to look after yourself first!. My husband goes for his second bail thing in a week or so. We don't have any info about anything yet but I'll be there by his side. It's been a very tough few months and obviously will get a lot lot tougher but I'm hopeful! I mean I have a big birthday this year! Need something good to focus on eh! Xx
Hi Louise
I went through lots of different emotions, sometimes I didn't have a clue who I was, sounds strange, but that's how I felt.
My bedroom became my comfort room, I felt like a teenager where I escape to my room.
I too have a big birthday and already know it's just going to be the 2 of us, which makes me sad. I choose to stay with my husband as well.
Our sentences begins, i'm not sure what the future holds, I take month by month.
You really do need to look after you,easier said then done. I know that after each stage it does get a little better.
Take care
Anne x
I went through lots of different emotions, sometimes I didn't have a clue who I was, sounds strange, but that's how I felt.
My bedroom became my comfort room, I felt like a teenager where I escape to my room.
I too have a big birthday and already know it's just going to be the 2 of us, which makes me sad. I choose to stay with my husband as well.
Our sentences begins, i'm not sure what the future holds, I take month by month.
You really do need to look after you,easier said then done. I know that after each stage it does get a little better.
Take care
Anne x
Hi Louise as you know I'm in this for about the same time as you I think I'm about 2 weeks ahead of your journey but we have had more information than you have. I'd like to say the information reassured me and helped me like I hoped it would but it has just confirmed the things I feared the most. That this is happening, this is real, he has offended and the time frame is longer than I expected. We aren't in a relationship but we are friends I support his recovery and hope one day maybe we can make a go of things. I can't commit to that unless I know the outcome. This year would be a nice little milestone wedding anniversary and a birthday year for me which is not hugely significant to many but has significance for me and we had planned to celebrate it. I feel like the years flying by and each day is rolling into one never ending day that started the day they knocked my door.
Thank you so much ladies, I'm not having a good day today. Felt all positive and upbeat the other day but today, I dunno. Feel really tearful, like I want to stop for a few days. I feel the weight of the pressure to keep going. You know what I mean?. My kids are fine, the house is sorted and I'm working and so is my husband but the limbo is getting me abit today. I felt a bit poorly the last few days and basically just knackered. I've just had a heated discussion with my husband on the phone. I felt the need to rant about what he's done but I also feel incredibly sad for our memories, does that make sense. I love him so much and want our life back but days like today I just feel rubbish. He's so so sorry and I can hear the pain in his voice I really can. Sorry I'm totally babbling! But I'm guessing a lot of women on here have days like mine, I can't even be bothered to sort tea today. I know this will pass as I'm not this sort of woman but yeah feel the need to rest xx
Thank you Lee!, I know your so right! In fact my son had just text me to say he's having tea out ( broke up from school today and all his mates are out). I've caved and had a very early bath and pinched my daughters fancy shampoo! ( teenage daughters and their fancy products eh!). I just felt knackered today. Work has been full on these last few weeks. I love my job but yeah I'm pretty exhausted. My husband is sorting tea on the way home, I just cba and daughter is now tidying her room and i about fainted on the spot when she loaded the dishwasher earlier!. Thank you ladies. It's so nice to be able to just have a normal moan and groan about life! I know we all have this huge thing in our lives but sometimes just off loading on here really helps about normal everyday stuff xx
result! Daughter has just said she's going out to meet mates ( it's a lovely evening here!) so she's grabbing tea out too!
result! Daughter has just said she's going out to meet mates ( it's a lovely evening here!) so she's grabbing tea out too!
I know where you are coming from. I've been really upbeat and positive, it was my sons 12th birthday Sunday so we were trying to make it special. We then had the solicitors letter to say he will be released under investigation and not to do anything until we get the letter. I can't get my head round that we are just waiting for a letter to drop through the door. Just seems so unreal! We then had the sw visit to see the kids. I am dying to know what they asked them and what they said but I refuse to interrogate my 8 and 12 year old children. I want to have a proper argument to scream and shout and he just won't get angry he says he can't. I can feel it bubbling inside. He is struggling that I can be loving him some days and others I just want to avoid him. Just a few of those crappy days that we have to live through!!
Louise there's so many lows, there's days you manage and then there's days you don't. You wouldnt be normal if this didn't have some sort of impact on you or you sailed through without a tough day. It's because you care and you cared for life you had. At times I feel like I'm in mourning for what we had but maybe it's all part of the healing process, like you have to feel it to let it go and find new happiness again in the life we have now. I hope you feel better soon, better days will comes and these days will come again where everything feels rubbish. But you are strong you will rest up, take time out and pick yourself up again.x
Sid and Saphire you have described exactly how I felt the last few days. It's the things in your head isn't it?. Like I'll be ultra positive and upbeat which is helped because we are totally committed to getting through this. We have a very strong relationship. Then I have days where deep down I'm like " why the hell do they risk it all". I know why I really do but when you look at your own life you still think why the hell don't you?!. We have talked so much about porn addiction and his personal path of how he reached here. He told me he was too scared to tell me and I understand that and that I would leave him. But then I'm kind of like well if you had really really thought deep in your heart, I would of been a support, yes there would of been the intial shock and anger just like when the police came but we would of done something. Now I'm like he's made it such a massive wake up call I sometimes think why didn't he leave me years and years ago and not let me create a brilliant life with him, does that make sense. I think Lee made a brilliant observation in a comment thread, they separate their life, their family from this dark secret. I fear it will be hard to portray it to the police, the courts etc that I want our life back. I totally understand he must be punished but my god the punishment at what might happen to him is a punishment right now, it really is. He's not crumbled, he's working and like I've said we are getting on really well but in this strange bubble of waiting for the sh*t to hit the fan
Sid, I forgot to say I totally get that need to have a proper argument, let off steam, rant and maybe throw a plate across the room! ( I won't! I've just decorated lol!). The thing is they don't argue do they?, well my husband doesn't anymore. He's totally accepted what he's done. I then feel bad for ranting and we have a big ole hug and get through it. He goes for the next bail thing ( answering at police station, don't really know what it's called?) next week. I'm at work all Easter then we go ( I'm going with him). I have no idea what will happen to him then. Think he's ringing his solicitor today but to be honest he probably doesn't know either. Right best dash off to work, take care ladies and thank you for the virtual pick me up, hugs xx