Interesting debate
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Hi everyone, there's a lot of talk on the news today about sexual abuse in schools. Watched a few debates on Good Morning Britain and just now on This Morning. They were talking about how easy it is for teenagers and younger to get access to hard core porn and how it's now accepted as " the norm". It was very interesting hearing the views of some and how they they were saying the big websites need to be held accountable and regulated more.I feel the tide is turning. I predict it will soon be part of sex education the dangers of porn, hopefully it's addictive nature highlighted the same way drugs, gangs and alcohol are discussed openly in schools
Hi Louise
I have mentioned before in the forum how extreme porn shared at school isn't new at all and for me this current debate is late, but better late than never I guess.
I remember being in secondary school (2004-2009) hearing about the vids girls were watching and shown by boys (I went an all girls school, so the issue isn't just in mixed or boys schools). When I went to college sites like omegel and chat roulette became very popular, and not regulated. You basically match with random people online and a prime 'location' for dodegy discussions and videos (live and pre recorded).
From memory at school I was taught the dangers of online relationships with older men (never women), but nothing on the dangers of porn and what to do if you come across iioc by accident. There was a culture at college about shocking others on what they have seen online, who can stomach it etc. I never saw the appeal and made an effort to not going looking for such things. The 'popular' vids were legal in the sense these were adults. But there was some animal porn vids doing the rounds, and I don't think anyone got in trouble.
I remember a TV show on sex ed say the average age boys first see porn is 12! So it is vital there is better education but also a crack down from schools and authorities on questionable behaviour and attitudes. I can't imagine what it is like to be a school right now. When I was a teen social media was quite new and most phones didn't have access to the internet (or would cost a fortune).
Information is so easily accessible. I used to think to get iioc you would need to be computer Wiz but this forum has shown me that is not the case.
I hope all schools take this seriously, and colleges. To be honest I didn't get harassed by boys until college (probably because I was in an all girl's school and I wasn't interested in boys). Bum pinched, unhooking bras, told to go to the kitchen to make a sandwich and other sexist 'jokes'. Looking back I just went along with it and smiled and carried on. Because if you made a fuss you were ridiculed or made out to be emotional.
I have mentioned before in the forum how extreme porn shared at school isn't new at all and for me this current debate is late, but better late than never I guess.
I remember being in secondary school (2004-2009) hearing about the vids girls were watching and shown by boys (I went an all girls school, so the issue isn't just in mixed or boys schools). When I went to college sites like omegel and chat roulette became very popular, and not regulated. You basically match with random people online and a prime 'location' for dodegy discussions and videos (live and pre recorded).
From memory at school I was taught the dangers of online relationships with older men (never women), but nothing on the dangers of porn and what to do if you come across iioc by accident. There was a culture at college about shocking others on what they have seen online, who can stomach it etc. I never saw the appeal and made an effort to not going looking for such things. The 'popular' vids were legal in the sense these were adults. But there was some animal porn vids doing the rounds, and I don't think anyone got in trouble.
I remember a TV show on sex ed say the average age boys first see porn is 12! So it is vital there is better education but also a crack down from schools and authorities on questionable behaviour and attitudes. I can't imagine what it is like to be a school right now. When I was a teen social media was quite new and most phones didn't have access to the internet (or would cost a fortune).
Information is so easily accessible. I used to think to get iioc you would need to be computer Wiz but this forum has shown me that is not the case.
I hope all schools take this seriously, and colleges. To be honest I didn't get harassed by boys until college (probably because I was in an all girl's school and I wasn't interested in boys). Bum pinched, unhooking bras, told to go to the kitchen to make a sandwich and other sexist 'jokes'. Looking back I just went along with it and smiled and carried on. Because if you made a fuss you were ridiculed or made out to be emotional.
It's good that this subject is now being debated. What worries me is that this will criminalise more boys/men. The police saying they will pursue all cases is of course, justice for those that were abused, but does it really help the boys/men who were believing of the messages they took from being on line? I would love to hear some talk of rehabilitation, offering this to people who may come forward, instead of them knowing that may well have a sex offender label on them for the rest of their lives. We seem to skim around the edges of this and not address the root cause. That needs to change. The police seem to have too much power, and as they are numbers driven, this is yet another easy route to up their arrest numbers!
Im sorry I'm so cynical. But I am sooo disappointed that they haven't even interviewed my husband, beyond his first no comment interview on the day of the 'sting', where he was in shock, so no one has heard his story, therefore it will not go to some study, where people can learn and address the areas of concern.
There appears to be very little, if any, joined up thinking. Everyone in authority just looking at their own bit......this issue and many others need collaborated approaches.
having said all that, at least it's a baby step! I do hope it saves many families from going through this in the future......
Xx
Im sorry I'm so cynical. But I am sooo disappointed that they haven't even interviewed my husband, beyond his first no comment interview on the day of the 'sting', where he was in shock, so no one has heard his story, therefore it will not go to some study, where people can learn and address the areas of concern.
There appears to be very little, if any, joined up thinking. Everyone in authority just looking at their own bit......this issue and many others need collaborated approaches.
having said all that, at least it's a baby step! I do hope it saves many families from going through this in the future......
Xx
I agree Lee, I'm 49 so yeah when you and me were teenagers ( a million years ago eh!) there wasn't the internet and it wasn't so accessible to get porn let alone the darker path . I do think the police and society need to catch up though. As we've all seen on here I do believe porn has exploded over recent years. It's just too darn easy to get very very hardcore extreme imagery and video isn't it.
Tabs I wholeheartedly agree!. I'm reading more and more new people on here every time on come on this forum and it's heartbreaking and I've only been here since start of January this year!. I think therapy and rehabilitation are needed, not a blanket approach to every single offender!. The police are drowning in this crime surely,and us partners, wives and families are left to try rebuild it all against the tide of vigilante groups, mob mentality and general lack of knowledge. I dread when my husband gets to the court stage, I really do. We are in the strange state of limbo, life is carrying on with us pretty normal. I'm at work, he's at work and we are getting on really well. Just wish I could fast forward past the horrible bit!
It isn't realistic for the police to investigate all these cases being mentioned as part of the awareness campaign. They can't handle the numbers as it is from child sex offenders and other sex offences. Prevention is better than 'cure'. I do think the rate of tech and social media was at a pace that was too quick for authorities to react. I do think the gov should have done more since they have the power to impose curriculum. Schools are stretched as it is and without support from higher up the chain of command they can only do so much with what is taught.
The gov also were too slow to impose responsibility on social media and other websites. Maybe this is a horrible product of human innovation, but more could have been done to limit iioc and discussions that are toxic. Take incels (men who hate women and express they want to do them harm), they have a platform online to fuel their fire. These attitudes bleed into school life too. What kids see and chat about online doesn't just stay online all the time.
Sorry the rant. It is defo a topic I'm sure we all have strong feelings on. I will be interested to see what comes outbifnit. I hope it isn't pushed under the rug.
The gov also were too slow to impose responsibility on social media and other websites. Maybe this is a horrible product of human innovation, but more could have been done to limit iioc and discussions that are toxic. Take incels (men who hate women and express they want to do them harm), they have a platform online to fuel their fire. These attitudes bleed into school life too. What kids see and chat about online doesn't just stay online all the time.
Sorry the rant. It is defo a topic I'm sure we all have strong feelings on. I will be interested to see what comes outbifnit. I hope it isn't pushed under the rug.
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Saphire, hiya, firstly you must have so much running through your mind love with your job and what's happened eh. I really feel for you, it must be incredibly hard. It's also really good to hear your input about what schools are doing. Both mine did do enrichment at school but in typical teenage fashion you don't hear bugger all about what they've done on any day at school!!. They go from non stop talking at infants and juniors to " yeah whatever Mum" soon as they hit 14! ( Mums of teenagers can relate eh!). I've just read a news article this morning about the website " only fans". This woman had earned a hell of a lot of money on there. I do think if there's change it will fight a big battle as it's so mainstream now and accepted. I then went on to read another news article ( up at 5am!) and that was about the mental health issues for children not able to visit parents in prison because of covid. The comments again were full of hate and very black and white " well it's tough, you should think before you commit the crime" those sort of comments. I think I may avoid the news today!
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Saphire that's really good and reassuring to know. My son is quite a closed case and doesn't tell us much about girlfriends etc. I think like you say, especially with boys they just don't tell their Mums stuff like that. We are really open with him about sex and always have been, with my daughter too. She's much more open and has told me that she's had a serious boyfriend. I think boys at 15 and 16 just basically cringe at everything!. I just approach it like he can tell me anything if he wants. I feel the same as you, if it can stop any young person being in the situation we are in right now it's a massive help. I do think it's a narrative that should be applied to the whole of society. It's kind of accepted in society that we have drug addicts, gambling addicts etc etc but I see nothing really about porn addiction until I arrived here. I could probably say a hell of a lot of women on here who have husbands and partners and brothers and Dads are a lot older, it's kind of too late for thousands and thousands of men. They didn't know how to seek support, didn't know they were addicted to porn until it's far too late, it's so sad especially if the men are very remorseful
I so glad I found this post because I so understand this feed I am 80s child so grow up in the 90s and I remember porn been top shelf,, then I was from a family u was outside and u came in when u was shouted to or street lights came on we only had dial up and was not really allowed on the computer unless someone was watching lol.
My partner is a 80s child his up bringing was total different he didnt go out he was always in his room playing on his pc or PlayStation he had board band and he has said he was always chatting online to people. He did not socialize outside of school. So can understand that this can lead to a world of damager and isolation and like u said you can go on all these sit make a age up and away u go always chasing the high. Its very sad that just because a individual does not have the skills or opportunity to go to friends after school that this can become the bee all and end all I would love to go into school and say to people about this but could u image the comments I would get I do hope change is coming because this generation and the next coming up are just going to end up with higher number and more family's pulled apart...
My partner is a 80s child his up bringing was total different he didnt go out he was always in his room playing on his pc or PlayStation he had board band and he has said he was always chatting online to people. He did not socialize outside of school. So can understand that this can lead to a world of damager and isolation and like u said you can go on all these sit make a age up and away u go always chasing the high. Its very sad that just because a individual does not have the skills or opportunity to go to friends after school that this can become the bee all and end all I would love to go into school and say to people about this but could u image the comments I would get I do hope change is coming because this generation and the next coming up are just going to end up with higher number and more family's pulled apart...