Our partners and ex partners sons and relatives
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so thought I would set up a new post. About the other half of the story them men in our lives that brought the storm to our door.
so for me I was married for three years but knew my ex for 10 years. I thought we were close though to be fair he was private. I do know he had empathy and wasn’t a complete sociopath. I have said before I liked my life it was safe and no drama and then this happened.
so as I said my partner is private he is good at computers so I know he could have accessed the dark web if he wanted to. He is very academically able too very bright, good at maths and coding. I would say he had low self esteem and couldn’t figure out that he was good at something. He had never ever been in trouble with the law. He was helpful around the home. We didn’t argue. I do know he had a poor childhood but thought he was breaking the cycle As he was a good dad. I am not just saying that he had so much time and patience for our daughter. I do not feel he would harm her.
so it’s so confusing, I don’t know if he had a secret sexual feelings for children. It was a porn addiction or if he was trying to process his early trauma? I have also thought did he have autism or something as he is very good at maths and a little socially reserved. He does have a few friends but not many.
I would also say he probably felt a bit sexually frustrated in our relationship he would always want sex. But didn’t really get that I wanted to be emotionally intimate as well as sexually. He said a few times that he was very sexual but I never thought he was watching porn let alone accessing indecent images of children.
oh also and he certainly had depression and anxiety but never opened up about how bad it was, if I spoke about feelings he would push me away, and doesn’t have much time for ‘psycho mumbo jumbo’ as he called it. I am wondering if that will change but at his current level of minamising the situation I doubt it.
So what about yourselves?
I do see my ex as a list little boy and it is very sad. I am saying sorry for ending the relationship when in actuality he should be apologetic for getting me in this mess.
so for me I was married for three years but knew my ex for 10 years. I thought we were close though to be fair he was private. I do know he had empathy and wasn’t a complete sociopath. I have said before I liked my life it was safe and no drama and then this happened.
so as I said my partner is private he is good at computers so I know he could have accessed the dark web if he wanted to. He is very academically able too very bright, good at maths and coding. I would say he had low self esteem and couldn’t figure out that he was good at something. He had never ever been in trouble with the law. He was helpful around the home. We didn’t argue. I do know he had a poor childhood but thought he was breaking the cycle As he was a good dad. I am not just saying that he had so much time and patience for our daughter. I do not feel he would harm her.
so it’s so confusing, I don’t know if he had a secret sexual feelings for children. It was a porn addiction or if he was trying to process his early trauma? I have also thought did he have autism or something as he is very good at maths and a little socially reserved. He does have a few friends but not many.
I would also say he probably felt a bit sexually frustrated in our relationship he would always want sex. But didn’t really get that I wanted to be emotionally intimate as well as sexually. He said a few times that he was very sexual but I never thought he was watching porn let alone accessing indecent images of children.
oh also and he certainly had depression and anxiety but never opened up about how bad it was, if I spoke about feelings he would push me away, and doesn’t have much time for ‘psycho mumbo jumbo’ as he called it. I am wondering if that will change but at his current level of minamising the situation I doubt it.
So what about yourselves?
I do see my ex as a list little boy and it is very sad. I am saying sorry for ending the relationship when in actuality he should be apologetic for getting me in this mess.
My partner is a kind, loving, caring person. We have been together many years and have always had a wonderful relationship, we are best friends, good sex life etc. He is likely on the autistic spectrum, very clever, has friends but not lots of them. Hes good with computers, in fact hes good at most things. Hes a great dad, the kids adore him, hes always got time for the kids and his family. Hes not someone you would ever imagine would have a sex chat/porn addiction, i knew my partner looked at porn. He is accused of sexual communication not viewing images. Its very hard to place the offence with my partner. I get very confused as to where this online persona comes from. He does suffer from anxiety and low self esteem. Hes extremely remorseful and takes full responsibility for his actions, is seeking help and therapy. Hes still my wonderful, kind, loving partnereven now but for years hes been chatting online with other women etc, its crazy. We are still together, its going to be a long road to recovery but im hopeful.
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I just wanted to add that my partner is being accessed for autistic spectrum disorder and my comnent about him likely being on the spectrum comes from professionals accessing him. Just incase anyone reading is worried or upset by a few of us mentioning autism.
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Hi
I could be reading about my husband on your posts, we were together for 15 years married for 11 at the time of the knock!
He wasn't very sociable and if we were having friends or family round I was always on egg shells as to whether he would be in a bad mood and take himself off to another room, usually his study or if he would be lovely and join in the day.
OrOur sex life was non existent partly due to me but also due to him having problems in that area and now I ask myself is it because he wanted someone much younger than me!
I'm sure some of you have felt the same, was he thinking of me while we were being intimate or children - horrible, awful thought!
He was very clever and could and did take computers apart, men's them and put them together again, he would know how to access anything and the police did tell me they had been monitoring him for several months.
I wouldn't say he was on the spectrum but I would say he certainly his a lot of sociopathic traits and would even go as far to say he's a narsasitic sociopath (sorry about the spelling!)
He's certainly shown no empathy for the children he has viewed by saying that he's not contributed to the industry because he's not spent money on it and of the children in the cat A videos, it's okay because you can't see their faces - sickening!
He's clearly shown no empathy for me and thinks that this hasn't had any affect on me and it's all about him, we know the fallout goes far and wide.
It's a mess and without you guys I don't know what I'd have done, you get it, you understand the emotions, to understand that this lives with us for years of not forever
We're strong woman, let's try and be kind to ourselves
Lots of love to you all xxx
I could be reading about my husband on your posts, we were together for 15 years married for 11 at the time of the knock!
He wasn't very sociable and if we were having friends or family round I was always on egg shells as to whether he would be in a bad mood and take himself off to another room, usually his study or if he would be lovely and join in the day.
OrOur sex life was non existent partly due to me but also due to him having problems in that area and now I ask myself is it because he wanted someone much younger than me!
I'm sure some of you have felt the same, was he thinking of me while we were being intimate or children - horrible, awful thought!
He was very clever and could and did take computers apart, men's them and put them together again, he would know how to access anything and the police did tell me they had been monitoring him for several months.
I wouldn't say he was on the spectrum but I would say he certainly his a lot of sociopathic traits and would even go as far to say he's a narsasitic sociopath (sorry about the spelling!)
He's certainly shown no empathy for the children he has viewed by saying that he's not contributed to the industry because he's not spent money on it and of the children in the cat A videos, it's okay because you can't see their faces - sickening!
He's clearly shown no empathy for me and thinks that this hasn't had any affect on me and it's all about him, we know the fallout goes far and wide.
It's a mess and without you guys I don't know what I'd have done, you get it, you understand the emotions, to understand that this lives with us for years of not forever
We're strong woman, let's try and be kind to ourselves
Lots of love to you all xxx
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It’s interesting how some men can grow from this and others deny deny their actions have an impact.
all of these men were good at computers. I raised autism as the nurse at the police station asked him if he was autistic? He has a diagnosis of social phobia though so maybe that’s it.
the offence is so shocking and I can’t believe he had a different persona on line. I get that we will never know but it’s been interesting to consider the similarities and differences. It seems that the biggest thing the men can do is acknowledge that they need help. That must be hard to accept and maybe why denial is easier. Actually acknowledging that they have looked at children in intense pain must shock them to the core and they want to save themselves from this.
i forgot to say that my partner grew up in an environment with domestic violence and his mother is not emotionally available. But like I said I thought he was breaking the cycle.
some of you say that you were Lonely in marriage. I guess I was, while he was good company and cooked and supported me with my daughter. He was not available for any deep conversations about emotions. I never saw this before. Yes he would run me a bath if I had a bad day but he wouldn’t unpick the reasons why I felt low.
love to you all lovely ladies.
all of these men were good at computers. I raised autism as the nurse at the police station asked him if he was autistic? He has a diagnosis of social phobia though so maybe that’s it.
the offence is so shocking and I can’t believe he had a different persona on line. I get that we will never know but it’s been interesting to consider the similarities and differences. It seems that the biggest thing the men can do is acknowledge that they need help. That must be hard to accept and maybe why denial is easier. Actually acknowledging that they have looked at children in intense pain must shock them to the core and they want to save themselves from this.
i forgot to say that my partner grew up in an environment with domestic violence and his mother is not emotionally available. But like I said I thought he was breaking the cycle.
some of you say that you were Lonely in marriage. I guess I was, while he was good company and cooked and supported me with my daughter. He was not available for any deep conversations about emotions. I never saw this before. Yes he would run me a bath if I had a bad day but he wouldn’t unpick the reasons why I felt low.
love to you all lovely ladies.
My husband is kind and very caring towards his family, especially his elderly parents. He would do anything for anyone. He's very generous person to those he loves but tight as anything when it comes to buying things in shops etc.
His computer knowledge is average. He never went on illegal websites or used the dark net. Everything on his computer was accessed via Google. There were no chat forums or social media on his computer. He doesn't know how social media even works! He's had the same password for years, since we had our own shared family computer, as time has gone on and we've all got our own devices he's used the same one on subsequent computers. We've all changed our passwords, he never has. We all know his password. He had the same programmes on his computer as I had on mine. He wasdescribed laughingly as a sophisticated computer user. A stock phrase used by the police. The computer was in a public place in the home.
I guessed he looked at pornography, I never discussed it with him, I don't feel rejected by that and don't have a problem with anyone looking at legal, consenting pornography provided it hasn't and doesn't intefere with life.
He worships the ground I walk on, and his life was and is built around me.
He was mortified that his use of adult pornography was shared, in detail, with his employers and eventually the public.
Our sex life was what could be described as normal and very exclusive, we both value fidelity. He's very private when it comes to what goes on between man and wife. It was strangely nice to read his police statements when he spoke of our sex life as loving and respectful and I know he was embarrassed for me that he had to describe to the police what we did together (that bit makes me feel sick, they knew me and the thought of them knowing that about me makes my stomach churn)
He's infuriatingly messy and I have to repeat stuff several times before it sinks in!
He's clever and dragged himself up from a very poor background to go to university and complete other postgraduate courses.
He's had issues with jealousy in the past, stems from his insecurities as a child and being part of a very large family I guess. He manages his jealousy fine now.
There's never been any sign of violence or intimidation to me or our children. He loves us very much and we do him.
He's physically and mentally strong and determined if he finds something he likes doing and can get very 'into' a hobby if he enjoys it.
I don'y know why I'm teling you all this but as you can see there was nothing whatever in his background that would indicate this type of behaviour, but then I've been told there isn't a pattern or particular type but I know him better than anyone on this earth. Professionals tried to imply I'd been groomed........don't insult my intelligence please.
His computer knowledge is average. He never went on illegal websites or used the dark net. Everything on his computer was accessed via Google. There were no chat forums or social media on his computer. He doesn't know how social media even works! He's had the same password for years, since we had our own shared family computer, as time has gone on and we've all got our own devices he's used the same one on subsequent computers. We've all changed our passwords, he never has. We all know his password. He had the same programmes on his computer as I had on mine. He wasdescribed laughingly as a sophisticated computer user. A stock phrase used by the police. The computer was in a public place in the home.
I guessed he looked at pornography, I never discussed it with him, I don't feel rejected by that and don't have a problem with anyone looking at legal, consenting pornography provided it hasn't and doesn't intefere with life.
He worships the ground I walk on, and his life was and is built around me.
He was mortified that his use of adult pornography was shared, in detail, with his employers and eventually the public.
Our sex life was what could be described as normal and very exclusive, we both value fidelity. He's very private when it comes to what goes on between man and wife. It was strangely nice to read his police statements when he spoke of our sex life as loving and respectful and I know he was embarrassed for me that he had to describe to the police what we did together (that bit makes me feel sick, they knew me and the thought of them knowing that about me makes my stomach churn)
He's infuriatingly messy and I have to repeat stuff several times before it sinks in!
He's clever and dragged himself up from a very poor background to go to university and complete other postgraduate courses.
He's had issues with jealousy in the past, stems from his insecurities as a child and being part of a very large family I guess. He manages his jealousy fine now.
There's never been any sign of violence or intimidation to me or our children. He loves us very much and we do him.
He's physically and mentally strong and determined if he finds something he likes doing and can get very 'into' a hobby if he enjoys it.
I don'y know why I'm teling you all this but as you can see there was nothing whatever in his background that would indicate this type of behaviour, but then I've been told there isn't a pattern or particular type but I know him better than anyone on this earth. Professionals tried to imply I'd been groomed........don't insult my intelligence please.
Maria, you have just described my Husband to a t! He is also under investigation for the same offence as yours but I assume they will find images as he said the pictures were shared on KIK without anyone asking, they'd just be sent across.