what the hell happened??
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Hi, new here. Nine weeks ago our daughter 12yrs old, was in school - she has mhi and is deemed vulnerable. School rang to ask if she could stay the whole day; didn't think anything of it, as she had the choice to be in or homeschool during lockdown. I then got worried when school rang after she should have been home to say she was safe but had made a disclosure. I was asked to go to the school at 4 pm. I spent 4 hours in a corridor with no contact from anyone, then 8pm I saw social workers and police who said daughter had told them dad, my partner of 18 years, had touched her inappropriately when she was either, 8, 9 or 10 - she couldn't remember and that she'd seen one iioc. When questioned in her ABE she wasn't sure if the touching was in fact roughhousing play we all used to do when the kids were younger. In the meantime police called at home, dad was wondering what had happened to us, went to police station voluntarily and that was last time he was allowed home. Our 14 yr old son was in house at the time, police explained what had happened and left him alone. Fast forward to 5 March, police told us they would have finished with our computer - it's shared for work and kids - then on 19th March, the investigation is still ongoing. In between those times the police went to school to talk to daughter again; she has changed her version of events, but wants dad home and no further action to be taken.
I only found out that the police had spoken to daughter again because the SW mentioned it assuming I had been informed. She was also under the impression the computer was finished with and got the same text as me on 19th.
Ironically the image my daughter saw, I also saw. It was definitely not an iioc. It was manga - and not something either me or partner are interested in, but our daughter is! I looked through her phone and naively thought the safeguarding stuff we'd put on her originaly phone was also on this replacement phone. It wasn't. She had been accessing chat platforms, talking to God knows who in different countries, telling total untruths about us as parents and accessing adult sites which when I saw some of the pics made me feel ill. The police took her phone, I got a telling off for not being more vigilant and that's fair enough and she got a stern talking to about being safe online.
My partner is adamant there's nothing illegal on the computer. However, the SW has now told me that even if the computer comes back clean, because our daughter has not retracted allegation and there are no witnesses - police even said it's her word against her dad's - safeguarding measures will be put in place.
And now we haven't heard anything from anyone. Even partner's solicitor has no idea what is going on. So where do we go from here? Money is getting tight as we are s/e and we are having to pay rent and partner is in a B&B. I explained that to the SW that I might not be able to afford rent after this month, but they're not interested.
I only found out that the police had spoken to daughter again because the SW mentioned it assuming I had been informed. She was also under the impression the computer was finished with and got the same text as me on 19th.
Ironically the image my daughter saw, I also saw. It was definitely not an iioc. It was manga - and not something either me or partner are interested in, but our daughter is! I looked through her phone and naively thought the safeguarding stuff we'd put on her originaly phone was also on this replacement phone. It wasn't. She had been accessing chat platforms, talking to God knows who in different countries, telling total untruths about us as parents and accessing adult sites which when I saw some of the pics made me feel ill. The police took her phone, I got a telling off for not being more vigilant and that's fair enough and she got a stern talking to about being safe online.
My partner is adamant there's nothing illegal on the computer. However, the SW has now told me that even if the computer comes back clean, because our daughter has not retracted allegation and there are no witnesses - police even said it's her word against her dad's - safeguarding measures will be put in place.
And now we haven't heard anything from anyone. Even partner's solicitor has no idea what is going on. So where do we go from here? Money is getting tight as we are s/e and we are having to pay rent and partner is in a B&B. I explained that to the SW that I might not be able to afford rent after this month, but they're not interested.
Bump
Hi doubt fire.
I had not spotted your post until now and it seems to be a while ago. First posts can take a while to be placed on the site.
I can't provide much insight but didn't want to see your post 'lost'. With regards to the contact allegations it might be best to ring the Lucy faithful helpline to see what support networks are available since this forum primarily is for iioc offences, there may not be resources or threads that have a stronger link to your situation regarding contact.
With regards to iioc, are all devices back from the police? It can take months for these checks to be completed. I would think the iioc aspect would be officially closed out if it were no longer needed to be investigated. But best get your lawyer to get clarification from the police, it isn't fair to you and the family to not know what is and isn't being investigated.
I believe the stop it now site has access to therapists for those who have experienced sexual abuse. Is your daughter getting support at all? Might be worth her having access to someone to talk to, and maybe address her online use as well as any other worries she may have.
I had not spotted your post until now and it seems to be a while ago. First posts can take a while to be placed on the site.
I can't provide much insight but didn't want to see your post 'lost'. With regards to the contact allegations it might be best to ring the Lucy faithful helpline to see what support networks are available since this forum primarily is for iioc offences, there may not be resources or threads that have a stronger link to your situation regarding contact.
With regards to iioc, are all devices back from the police? It can take months for these checks to be completed. I would think the iioc aspect would be officially closed out if it were no longer needed to be investigated. But best get your lawyer to get clarification from the police, it isn't fair to you and the family to not know what is and isn't being investigated.
I believe the stop it now site has access to therapists for those who have experienced sexual abuse. Is your daughter getting support at all? Might be worth her having access to someone to talk to, and maybe address her online use as well as any other worries she may have.
Hi, thanks for the reply. Police only took one computer. They weren't interested in phones etc. My daughter is getting help and has also been assessed by CAMHS. However, they have decided that there service is not what is required as she has plenty of help already being accessed - she currently has 4 professionals she sees/talks to plus numerous helplines. In fact she has been given so many avenues of help she has refused to interract with any more.
Over Easter she has said she now wants to retract her allegations. This was unexpected so now I have to wait and see what happens.
it almost feels like we are just left to get on with things - we have had bare minimum contact with sw - she's seen us 3 times, which includes the initial contact and she spends most of her time chatting about holidays or commenting how lovely our house is. Whenever I ask anything to do with our situation she always responds with "not sure" and yet she says she has been working on cases like this for 20 years. It's like she's just qualified!
My partner has never been bailed or charged with anything.was originally told there's a 90 day limit to look at computer but seeing as they are all so vague he's wondering if this is true. I've just had to buy a new Mac for our work - not new but it's rubbish and I'm now £££ out of pocket. Trying to run a business on a phone is a joke so we are now suffering financially, not that the sw is least bit interested and seeing as I'm trying to provide a stable home you'd think they would be.
sorry for long rant.
Over Easter she has said she now wants to retract her allegations. This was unexpected so now I have to wait and see what happens.
it almost feels like we are just left to get on with things - we have had bare minimum contact with sw - she's seen us 3 times, which includes the initial contact and she spends most of her time chatting about holidays or commenting how lovely our house is. Whenever I ask anything to do with our situation she always responds with "not sure" and yet she says she has been working on cases like this for 20 years. It's like she's just qualified!
My partner has never been bailed or charged with anything.was originally told there's a 90 day limit to look at computer but seeing as they are all so vague he's wondering if this is true. I've just had to buy a new Mac for our work - not new but it's rubbish and I'm now £££ out of pocket. Trying to run a business on a phone is a joke so we are now suffering financially, not that the sw is least bit interested and seeing as I'm trying to provide a stable home you'd think they would be.
sorry for long rant.