Happy?!
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Sorry but I just need to talk and I feel like I'm going mad!
why can't I allow myself to feel happy? This bank holiday has been, what should of been perfect. We are all at home, the kids are happy, we've been busy in the garden starting to make a large pond and decking. However I have at the back of mind we shouldn't be happy. He has damaged our family. Don't get me wrong I love him and we are working things out. But I can't allow myself or him to be happy. I can't help the odd comment or are we planning for a future that he may not be here. All I'm thinking is the next sw visit or when will the letter come through the post. I am just waiting for the rug to be pulled again, I can't let myself relax!!
why can't I allow myself to feel happy? This bank holiday has been, what should of been perfect. We are all at home, the kids are happy, we've been busy in the garden starting to make a large pond and decking. However I have at the back of mind we shouldn't be happy. He has damaged our family. Don't get me wrong I love him and we are working things out. But I can't allow myself or him to be happy. I can't help the odd comment or are we planning for a future that he may not be here. All I'm thinking is the next sw visit or when will the letter come through the post. I am just waiting for the rug to be pulled again, I can't let myself relax!!
Hi Sid, what you are feeling is normal for the situation you are in, but you do need to try to allow yourself to be happy in the here and now, as it is better for you and your health, and better for your children.
Easy to say, not easy to do, I know!!
This crime has to be be the very worst for the impact it has on partners. For me, it impacted and made me question everything. Him; his sexual preferences, his morals, why he'd risk it all, his love for me. Society; such black and white views, judgement, feeling shame, anxiety, fear. Me; what did I do wrong, what could I have done, can I continue with the relationship, what would that relationship look like. Money; him losing job, my whole way of living shaken and changed. Legal system; terminology, inconsistencies in charging/sentencing, no recognition of us as victims too. I don't have children but mothers have the additional strain of Social services, effectively becoming single parents, more judgment.
It is the very hardest.
However, we get through it, we have to. We have few choices, but on those that we do, it is important that we make choices that are right for us (and our children) first and foremost, some may mean life is harder for us, but we have to be true to ourselves. No big decisions need to be made quickly. I think we learn a lot about ourselves.
Hope my morning rambles make sense! I'm sure you get the gist! xx
Easy to say, not easy to do, I know!!
This crime has to be be the very worst for the impact it has on partners. For me, it impacted and made me question everything. Him; his sexual preferences, his morals, why he'd risk it all, his love for me. Society; such black and white views, judgement, feeling shame, anxiety, fear. Me; what did I do wrong, what could I have done, can I continue with the relationship, what would that relationship look like. Money; him losing job, my whole way of living shaken and changed. Legal system; terminology, inconsistencies in charging/sentencing, no recognition of us as victims too. I don't have children but mothers have the additional strain of Social services, effectively becoming single parents, more judgment.
It is the very hardest.
However, we get through it, we have to. We have few choices, but on those that we do, it is important that we make choices that are right for us (and our children) first and foremost, some may mean life is harder for us, but we have to be true to ourselves. No big decisions need to be made quickly. I think we learn a lot about ourselves.
Hope my morning rambles make sense! I'm sure you get the gist! xx
To continue my ramble..
I really do believe that there needs to be public education on the dangers of being on-line; porn and chat rooms. The internet is far from a private place, everything we do creates information about us and any weaknesses, be it shopping, gambling, searches about hobbies, body image, self harming, and porn, then it automatically hits us with as much content as possible....how dangerous. How criminal.
We play lip service to caring about mental health. The internet is responsible for so much damage to people suffering, yet the platforms are not being held to account.
It's disgraceful, and I feel for future generations...
X
I really do believe that there needs to be public education on the dangers of being on-line; porn and chat rooms. The internet is far from a private place, everything we do creates information about us and any weaknesses, be it shopping, gambling, searches about hobbies, body image, self harming, and porn, then it automatically hits us with as much content as possible....how dangerous. How criminal.
We play lip service to caring about mental health. The internet is responsible for so much damage to people suffering, yet the platforms are not being held to account.
It's disgraceful, and I feel for future generations...
X
Thank you for your replies
lee1969 he has told me everything and been very honest (i hope he has, hard to trust now), remorseful and giving me space when I need it. Trouble is I'm not a good talker which I suppose why this forum is so helpful. The knock was in the 2nd March so I know that we are still in the early days.
Tabs you are very right, those are questions that I ask myself repeatedly. The guilt that I should of noticed or done more to prevent this happening. I almost feel that we aren't allowed to be a family anymore let alone a happy one!
lee1969 he has told me everything and been very honest (i hope he has, hard to trust now), remorseful and giving me space when I need it. Trouble is I'm not a good talker which I suppose why this forum is so helpful. The knock was in the 2nd March so I know that we are still in the early days.
Tabs you are very right, those are questions that I ask myself repeatedly. The guilt that I should of noticed or done more to prevent this happening. I almost feel that we aren't allowed to be a family anymore let alone a happy one!
Sid, I've had months of therapy and lots of talking with friends and family. I know now that it has nothing to do with me. He also hid his shameful behaviour well as he didn't want to lose me.....I keep having to remind myself. But I struggle still with the stigma. xx