Sons future with contact
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Hi. Long story short. I met someone and fell pregnant after a few months only then to have a knock at the door informing me that he was on the register. My son is supposed to have supervised contact with him every now and then but I'm finding myself making up more excuses for them not to go ahead.
In all honesty my social worker seems thrilled by this and I'm sure if she was allowed to tell me her true feelings she would tell me to stop it altogether. My problem is I'm terrified. I'm stuck between what's doing best by my son. I don't know if it's best to see him in a contact centre for 16 years until he's old enough to choose for himself. This "man" comes off the register next year and what if he threatens me with court. Is there some way the judge can award him unsupervised access? I'm so scared. Secretly I don't want him anywhere near his father. I also did the stupid thing through depression and mental health by allowing my son to have his second name which I regret 100%. I want to take full custody but I don't know if that will even be successful. Any advice would greatly be appreciated ????????????
my son is only 18 months old and hasn't seen his dad in months. He doesn't know who he is. All I'm thinking is he doesn't know him so it won't do any harm for him not knowing his potentially dangerous father ????
In all honesty my social worker seems thrilled by this and I'm sure if she was allowed to tell me her true feelings she would tell me to stop it altogether. My problem is I'm terrified. I'm stuck between what's doing best by my son. I don't know if it's best to see him in a contact centre for 16 years until he's old enough to choose for himself. This "man" comes off the register next year and what if he threatens me with court. Is there some way the judge can award him unsupervised access? I'm so scared. Secretly I don't want him anywhere near his father. I also did the stupid thing through depression and mental health by allowing my son to have his second name which I regret 100%. I want to take full custody but I don't know if that will even be successful. Any advice would greatly be appreciated ????????????
my son is only 18 months old and hasn't seen his dad in months. He doesn't know who he is. All I'm thinking is he doesn't know him so it won't do any harm for him not knowing his potentially dangerous father ????
Hi Anna, I'm so sorry you find yourself here. It all must be a huge shock and your reactions are understandable. Have you tried to talk to the helpline? They may be able to reassure you that it is not all as it seems to you at the moment. The label of sex offender covers a wide variety of crimes and we automatically jump to the worst. Did whoever told you also tell you the nature of his offence. Have you talked to him about why he wasn't honest? My thoughts are that it is best to know as much as possible so you can make the right decision for your child, and for you.
take care x
take care x
To add to tabs has said the sex offenders register itself doesn't set limits on contact with children, it will be a SHPO. Do you know if the father has prohibited unsupervised contact requirements at the moment? And if so you could find out for how long this is in place.
It might be best to get a family lawyer to see what rights he has and what to prepare for. I believe he will have the right to request some sort of agreed access through the courts if he wishes to go down that line, and I assume once the sentence is spent and off the register and off SHPO it might be 'easier' for him to request.
The fact your chd hasn't seen him for a while and doesn't know their father might go in your favor but best check with a lawyer, which to be honest might only be worth it if you know the father will go to the family courts or you strongly think he will.
The judge asks CAFCASS to assess the risk and benefits of children having contact with parents and the risk of the father and impact to your child will be factored in, with them seeking your input.
I can't say for sure of course what will happen if your child's father seeks visitation rights but at least you will know that it won't be easy for him.
It might be best to get a family lawyer to see what rights he has and what to prepare for. I believe he will have the right to request some sort of agreed access through the courts if he wishes to go down that line, and I assume once the sentence is spent and off the register and off SHPO it might be 'easier' for him to request.
The fact your chd hasn't seen him for a while and doesn't know their father might go in your favor but best check with a lawyer, which to be honest might only be worth it if you know the father will go to the family courts or you strongly think he will.
The judge asks CAFCASS to assess the risk and benefits of children having contact with parents and the risk of the father and impact to your child will be factored in, with them seeking your input.
I can't say for sure of course what will happen if your child's father seeks visitation rights but at least you will know that it won't be easy for him.
Now I'm out of a triggered state I'm hoping I can explain better. He was found with class A of children as young as 8. He comes off the register next year and his SHPO also ends with it (no unsupervised contact with children) he did a risk assessment which he failed and confessed he has a sexual interest in children. Now he told me that he cracked under pressure and there was no point convincing them otherwise because their mind was already made up about him. So the recommendations were that his access to his son must supervised until my son is 18. Now this is the issue. I don't want my son being subject to his father in a contact centre for the next 17 years of his life and surely a judge wouldn't recommend either? Especially given the fact he's sexually attracted to children it just makes me feel sick even in a safe environment that he's even able to make any physical contact with his son at all. I don't believe what he says about cracking under pressure. If someone was accusing me of being something I wasn't I would fight it, and keep fighting it, I wouldn't give in? It's such a mess. My social worker has said I have every right to stop contact and he would have to seek legal advise and go to court. I'm guessing I'm just in panick mode that somewhere down the line he will be given that access and I'll have no choice. That's if he goes down that route. To be honest I'm hoping he would just leave us be for the rest of time.
If he does go through the courts and they state he can visitation then it will be essentially 'court ordered' and you will need to follow it (my understanding). But the fact it is on record he has had a risk assessment and that he has an interest in children I would be surprised the courts would allow contact before your child is 18. So you could refuse contact and hope he doesn't pursue further. But if he does it might be worth asking for some legal advice to know what to expect (not necessarily to be there in court for defence, these can be done under self representating).
My ex's dad by a court order was not allowed contact with him until my ex was 18. It was due to physical not sexual abuse however. But his dad was assessed as a risk and my ex's mum didn't want contact. So it's only one example but it shows that not all contact requests are successful from offenders.
My ex's dad by a court order was not allowed contact with him until my ex was 18. It was due to physical not sexual abuse however. But his dad was assessed as a risk and my ex's mum didn't want contact. So it's only one example but it shows that not all contact requests are successful from offenders.
Hi Anna,
The LA have been heavily involved in mine and my daughter's life since 'the knock' (he has been charged but is pleading not guilty - found to be in possession of numerous Cat A, B and C images and videos including one that looked so similar to my daughter that we (including myself) thought it was her).
We recently came out the other end of family court where, the part relevant to my offending ex-partner is that he was requesting contact (couldn't see any reason why he couldn't have unsupervised contact) and, after a fact finding hearing, the judge found him to be a risk to children (he hasn't undergone any official risk assessments as he refuses to engage with the social workers on any level.) and so the judge granted the LA's request to continue the Section 34(4) which is an order that means they are under no obligation to promote contact and, effectively, stops all contact. It's a permissible order (I think that's what they said) so it's basically up to the LA how much contact they allow and they are obviously not going to allow it until he starts co-operating at the very least. I have been told there is no time limit on it and it can only be lifted by a judge if he applies to have it lifted. Our judge was not impressed with his participation (or lack thereof) in all of the interventions, including the court hearings and ordered that all future applications will go directly to herself so that he can't 'try it on' with any other judges in future. She has done this because he's said "when" he is acquitted, he'll be coming back for contact but she's pointed out that family court has a different threshold to criminal court and whatever he gets in criminal court will have little bearing on how likely he is to get her to lift that order.
I know our situations are different but just wanted to show you that there are some good and sensible judges out there who can see through these attempts and, while they are driven by encouraging and promoting contact - it is not done at all costs. My judge also granted me permission to change my daughter's name and she is 10 and is acutely aware of what's been going on and who her dad is.
Although the LA don't have to allow contact, they have said they will accept letterbox contact from him but he won't even engage with that but just letting you know that, if he ever does take it to court, they might grant him that level of contact. Also, be prepared for the suggestion that you might supervise contact yourself rather than it needing to go through a contact centre. I'm not sure how likely that is though if he has admitted an interest in children. They won't be interested in his version that he just said it to appease them. He's said it and that's how they'll see it now.
Best of luck to you x
The LA have been heavily involved in mine and my daughter's life since 'the knock' (he has been charged but is pleading not guilty - found to be in possession of numerous Cat A, B and C images and videos including one that looked so similar to my daughter that we (including myself) thought it was her).
We recently came out the other end of family court where, the part relevant to my offending ex-partner is that he was requesting contact (couldn't see any reason why he couldn't have unsupervised contact) and, after a fact finding hearing, the judge found him to be a risk to children (he hasn't undergone any official risk assessments as he refuses to engage with the social workers on any level.) and so the judge granted the LA's request to continue the Section 34(4) which is an order that means they are under no obligation to promote contact and, effectively, stops all contact. It's a permissible order (I think that's what they said) so it's basically up to the LA how much contact they allow and they are obviously not going to allow it until he starts co-operating at the very least. I have been told there is no time limit on it and it can only be lifted by a judge if he applies to have it lifted. Our judge was not impressed with his participation (or lack thereof) in all of the interventions, including the court hearings and ordered that all future applications will go directly to herself so that he can't 'try it on' with any other judges in future. She has done this because he's said "when" he is acquitted, he'll be coming back for contact but she's pointed out that family court has a different threshold to criminal court and whatever he gets in criminal court will have little bearing on how likely he is to get her to lift that order.
I know our situations are different but just wanted to show you that there are some good and sensible judges out there who can see through these attempts and, while they are driven by encouraging and promoting contact - it is not done at all costs. My judge also granted me permission to change my daughter's name and she is 10 and is acutely aware of what's been going on and who her dad is.
Although the LA don't have to allow contact, they have said they will accept letterbox contact from him but he won't even engage with that but just letting you know that, if he ever does take it to court, they might grant him that level of contact. Also, be prepared for the suggestion that you might supervise contact yourself rather than it needing to go through a contact centre. I'm not sure how likely that is though if he has admitted an interest in children. They won't be interested in his version that he just said it to appease them. He's said it and that's how they'll see it now.
Best of luck to you x
Thank you everyone for your comments. I have so many regrets that I'm currently undertaking therapy paid for through social services. I was in an extremely low place when I was pregnant and feel incredibly guilty I allowed my son to have his fathers second name. I've sent the messages out to the relevant people that there's no more contact (hasn't been since Christmas) and I guess the balls in his court on what he does next. I think I'll make an application for the name change anyway.