Emotional partner
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Just wondered if anyone else can relate or offer any advice. My father in law had the knock last July, still no conclusion to the investigation and it is taking its toll on all of us. Hubby is full of anger about it (understandably) and has cut all contact with his father (also understandably). In an argument about something trivial and unrelated the other day I carelessly said that he sounded just like his father (in terms of the way he was making his argument, nothing else, which was entirely justified) - his reaction was utter rage and he has told me our relationship is over for saying it, even though of course I've apologised several times and stressed that I wasn't drawing any parallels about these issues. I feel awful about it and absolutely accept that it was a heartless thing to say at the moment. I know he is lashing out because of how hurt he is and due to wider pressures at the moment but wondered if anyone else is supporting an angry partner with a parent being investigated?
Could your partner seek advice or just someone to talk to through the Lucy faithful helpline? It isn't good to have aggressive outbursts really (for any scenario) because that could cause more stress, and maybe harm. Your partner might appreciate help with managing his stress, e.g. CBT, mindfulness, talk therapy.
It isnt particularly fair for you to walk on egg shells around him, since you mentioned his dad in a manner not to do with his offending then I think your partner is over reacting. He may wish his dad to never Be mentioned but that my not be realisic and he needs to accept and manage that.
It isnt particularly fair for you to walk on egg shells around him, since you mentioned his dad in a manner not to do with his offending then I think your partner is over reacting. He may wish his dad to never Be mentioned but that my not be realisic and he needs to accept and manage that.
Hi Ennerwent
I cannot relate as such as the offender is my partner. However... I do understand and relate to the anger, disappointment and pain caused by someone you love so much being arrested for this offence.
It sounds like your husband has put it in a box in his head and doesn't want to even think about it or be associated with his Dad in any way.
The trauma of this is a similar process as the stages of grief that we go through.. The emotional roller-coaster. Some people think that by cutting all ties with the person that the anger and feelings n both positive and negative for this person will subside over time. They won't unless they are reprocessed.
I would try reassuring your partner that what he is feeling is OK and perfectly natural. I don't know what his relationship with his dad was like before hand but his perception of his Dad will have changed overnight... Yet our feelings don't. We hate what they have done and yet they are still the same person they always were.
I would strongly encourage him to call the helpline. He needs some professional help and support to process this otherwise he will explode if not implode.. It sounds like he's already taking a lot of the anger out on you. It's not healthy.
Hope that helps. Xx
I cannot relate as such as the offender is my partner. However... I do understand and relate to the anger, disappointment and pain caused by someone you love so much being arrested for this offence.
It sounds like your husband has put it in a box in his head and doesn't want to even think about it or be associated with his Dad in any way.
The trauma of this is a similar process as the stages of grief that we go through.. The emotional roller-coaster. Some people think that by cutting all ties with the person that the anger and feelings n both positive and negative for this person will subside over time. They won't unless they are reprocessed.
I would try reassuring your partner that what he is feeling is OK and perfectly natural. I don't know what his relationship with his dad was like before hand but his perception of his Dad will have changed overnight... Yet our feelings don't. We hate what they have done and yet they are still the same person they always were.
I would strongly encourage him to call the helpline. He needs some professional help and support to process this otherwise he will explode if not implode.. It sounds like he's already taking a lot of the anger out on you. It's not healthy.
Hope that helps. Xx