Family and Friends Forum

Tabs

Member since
November 2019

500 posts

Posted Sun April 11, 2021 1:09pmReport post

I'm 11 days in from him being sent to prison. My stomach still lurches when I think of it!

Those of you that have been through this....how did you deal with people who make it all about them? Them and him? I've burst into tears on 2 people now, who get hysterical on the phone to me. Like somehow I've not done enough to keep him out of prison. They don't believe that people can be sent to prison when there is no real victim. They don't believe that the internet is dangerous.

None of this is helped by the distorted media. Until there is honesty more will fall into the trap and more families destroyed. Is this what society really wants??!

xxx

Vickie

Member since
November 2020

428 posts

Posted Sun April 11, 2021 1:55pmReport post

Hi tab

I understand what ur saying cause my partner was sent to prison for 15 month,, he partners where like if he comes out with nothing else after prison then we could start building a life. Then along came ss and had a meet with his partners and his step was like we'll u don't get 15 month for conversation there has to be more to it and I was like u no that's what it was a conversation not a very nice one because of the subject but a lot of people have walked away from me and him I am making no decisions as yet,, but people have said to me its always been there u don't just wake up one day and have that kind of conversation. Then I snapped I was look none knows what we can do when ur mental health breaks and someone once said we are all one click away from a criminal record,, its very hard I speak to my partner at the weekend he will be released soon but that's where I know the really work beings again. Never thro I would get here but am there is no right or wrong way u have to do what is right for u hun,, I have started been old school that its my life and I want it to be private the world knows way to much already so I am taking control and people only know what I want them to know when I want them to know hope that kind of makes some sense xxx

Tabs

Member since
November 2019

500 posts

Posted Sun April 11, 2021 4:53pmReport post

Thanks Vickie.....it's a hard road that we are having to travel. Hope things ease for you soon xxx

Tabs

Member since
November 2019

500 posts

Posted Sun April 11, 2021 6:50pmReport post

Just in case people think I am minimising this...my husband was stung by vigilantes and live-streamed after talking to an adult decoy in an adult chat room....nothing else found on devices, one conversation, one arranging to meet. Marriage breaking yes, but prison?!!!!

Maij

Member since
December 2020

286 posts

Posted Sun April 11, 2021 7:44pmReport post

I just don't get it Tabs , very harsh, I hope things start to improve and you feel better soon . Take care

Mabel

Member since
June 2019

208 posts

Posted Sun April 11, 2021 9:20pmReport post

Hi Tabs

Ah yes this must be very hard for you to bear, without anyone making it worse for you! I would just end the conversation before it gets any further and upsets you.



I still do not understand this sentence, with all your husband's mitigating factors.

Just keep taking one day at a time, you have been thro a huge, life changing, trauma the last few years, so you should focus on being kind to you now.



Always sending you very best wishes

mabel xx

Melody

Member since
March 2020

25 posts

Posted Sun April 11, 2021 10:05pmReport post

I don't post on this forum much (due to extreme overwhelm...but very grateful every single time someone has replied to posts). I've followed posts though and have so much sympathy for you Tabs.

Just wanted to share my experience. My (now ex) husband was sentenced to imprisonment for an iioc offence. Less than 15 images, post pubescent, no category A. Completely unexpected and seemed much harsher than other sentences reported in local media.

So...we applied to appeal immediately on the grounds that the sentence was unduly harsh and that the prosecution had not fully considered whether it was in the public interest for the sentence to be suspended.

There was another court hearing within 2 weeks where the judge decides whether the appeal is allowed.

The appeal application was granted. He was released from prison that same day on bail.

A week later , court again for the appeal. It was heard...the judge ruled that the sentence could now be suspended instead of immediate imprisonment. Part of the grounds for this was that the duration of the prison sentence wasn't long enough to complete a rehabilitation course. The fact that covid restrictions makes prison life so much harder at the moment was also raised. Also, it was pointed out that he had now "tasted' prison as a deterrent to reoffending.

It's definitely worth speaking to your solicitor about whether or not it's worth appealing.

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. It is damn hard. I've heard that it gets better after the first couple of weeks once you have established communication with each other, and your partner has come to understand the prison routine etc . Sending you so much positivity for the future.... The way you are feeling right now is real and strong. But you will not feel this way forever. There is a future for you both, and it's a lot sunnier than the darkness you feel at this devastating time. Hang on in there xxxx

Edited Sun April 11, 2021 10:08pm

Tabs

Member since
November 2019

500 posts

Posted Mon April 12, 2021 10:48amReport post

Thank you so much for your supportive words. Melody, I have forwarded what you said to him in prison. Via 'email a prisoner' I hope he gets it before he meets (video link) with his solicitor, nothing seems to be quick. Also I forwarded the information from Zack, from a previous post. It is down to him as to what he does. I wasn't in court so don't know what was discussed etc. I do feel the solicitors let him down. The company that he signed up with at the start, with had a full time team, and a good reputation, then the company were taken over, only part of the team was left, and those that remained seem to only work part time, juggling cases!!! And for a barrister to be the only one not to turn up in person at court seems wrong to me. We paid an awful lot of money to them, and I don't think we had that value.

At some time my luck has to change. At every stage in this so far, the worst has happened. I just want to get on with my new life alone, having come to a mutual understanding with my husband.....just even to meet and talk....so I have some peace and then I can try to find some happiness. I can't do that whilst he is in prison!! So another limbo period......that's not healthy.

xx

Melody

Member since
March 2020

25 posts

Posted Mon April 12, 2021 9:45pmReport post

Tabs, it's worth you contacting his solicitor yourself...email a prisoner can take ages to get through sometimes, especially for new prisoners. Maybe it varies by prison but better safe than sorry, think you only have a certain timeframe in which to appeal.

I largely dealt with the solicitor on my husband's behalf whilst he was inside, despite our separation they were still happy to take instruction from me whilst communication with him was set up.

Good luck, I really hope it's an avenue that you can explore. Xxx