Family and Friends Forum

Hi - just one foot in front of the other. And by remembering it will end one day x

Scrappy - I couldn’t even open the curtains on day 1. It is now about 8 weeks in and it doesn’t feel like that any more. Still wish it was different and some days I feel bad, but honestly it does get better x

I know - it’s surreal isn’t it? Reading other people’s posts really helped me - people find their way through this and so can we x

It really isn’t black and white. I don’t know if I am minimising it, but if men look at standard heterosexual sexual images it doesn’t mean they are a danger to women. So if men look at images of younger women/ men, does it mean they are a danger to children ?

it is very nuanced

Sending you lots of love. I think the fact it’s cold and yucky outside doesn’t help the need to hide yourself from the world wrapped in a warm duvet.

dont be too hard on yourself. Try to eat and have your healthy fruit and veggies.

the take a day at a time or hour at a time is good advice. One problem at a time. Overthinking things is what we want to do in the early days but it’s beyond our control. Which is blooming annoying as I would love nothing more than to make things better.

there are nice non judgmental people out there, so hope you have at least one good friend to talk with, it takes a bit of time to choose someone but I feel better for being honest with one person. I have ended up telling two friends and they were both lovely.

I like what you said about learning things are not black and white I agree if I learnt anything from this I know I am going forward in my life as a little less judgmental and kinder.

post as much as you can, the forum is important to me too. . The thing with this offence is it takes over your mind and I know the people on here get that. So ask any questions.

I know I have not processed my lowest point yet as I have tried so hard to stabilise ex partner. But we do need to look after ourselves.

Big sigh, I agree it’s like people who play violent computer games don’t go on to murder other.

i think my ex would never harm a child. He must have been processing earlier childhood trauma or was mentally depressed and needed the shock of the images to feel something! I hope it was t a perverse sexual fetish. But he must have known it was wrong that’s why he hid it so well.

in a relationship honesty is the cornerstone of a authentic relationship with a partner. I feel good that some of your partners, sons, brothers can get through the shame and share their innermost thoughts. That must be very difficult. All I know is mine is not at that point yet and never maybe.

have a good Friday everyone. It would usually be my favourite day of the week, but tonight I am sat alone in a cold house. We my daughter upstairs in bed. I would watch a film but I still find my concentration span is very short. So have the tv on for background noise and messing on my phone.

Tomorrow I do have a plan though to have a clean out and take old belongings to the charity shop! Xx

Bethlou, I like your analogy about computer games. My kids shoot people online but I don’t think they are going to kill someone in real life.

a good clear out is good for us - enjoy! Wish I knew where you were and I’d give you a hand x

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Small steps, everyone. You are doing brilliantly and things will get to feel less raw, I promise. I totally get the thing about cleaning out cupboards etc, but at first I couldn’t bear to go in the room where my husband had had his computer and looked at those images. Then one day it suddenly just became a room and lost its other connotations. I don’t know why - I just felt I had got over something and it was like flicking a switch. So I went in the room and had a clear out. That made me feel so good! These are minor steps forward, but they are empowering. Love to you all xx

My cleaning out worked. It meant I didn’t wallow too much this weekend. And next week I am going to re paint the bathroom! I am feeling a little bit more positive than last weekend. Suppose I will need to think about going back to work soon. Then my new life will really hit home.

What I find hard is my ex can’t just take my daughter out alone I or my mum have to be there. It feels so abnormal and how am I ever going to get over him seeing him once a week ( he sees my daughter twice a week my mum does one and I do the other) its so strange.

I need to get over this man and I see him!! It’s not a normal break up situation it’s weird. Still my spare room is looking lots better !!!xxx

hope your all doing well this Sunday x