Knock on the door by Vigilantes
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Hi,
9 days ago life changed beyond comprehension.
The knock we had was from a vigilante group for my husband, that live streamed everything. We live in a small village and someone was sharing it to the local page as it was happening and as you can imagine the backlash on social media and the death threats.
I had had a drink so wasn't fully taking in what was happening, really annoyed with myself about that. The police arrested him , house searched and he was taken away. That has been the last time I saw him.
He was interviewed the next day and released without charge. The DCI said there is nothing on the chat logs presented but as we know devices still have to be gone through, I'm in shock for how long that can take.
2 days later he tried to take his own life and as he is homeless at the moment the care he needs is not there. And regardless I want to get him that help.
At the moment I feel I'm lurching from day to day, I sit down and suddenly 5 hours have passed. Then the panic rises. Other times I can feel in control. I'm angry, heartbroken and confused.
how has anyone dealt with the repercussions of the knock being so public?
thank you
9 days ago life changed beyond comprehension.
The knock we had was from a vigilante group for my husband, that live streamed everything. We live in a small village and someone was sharing it to the local page as it was happening and as you can imagine the backlash on social media and the death threats.
I had had a drink so wasn't fully taking in what was happening, really annoyed with myself about that. The police arrested him , house searched and he was taken away. That has been the last time I saw him.
He was interviewed the next day and released without charge. The DCI said there is nothing on the chat logs presented but as we know devices still have to be gone through, I'm in shock for how long that can take.
2 days later he tried to take his own life and as he is homeless at the moment the care he needs is not there. And regardless I want to get him that help.
At the moment I feel I'm lurching from day to day, I sit down and suddenly 5 hours have passed. Then the panic rises. Other times I can feel in control. I'm angry, heartbroken and confused.
how has anyone dealt with the repercussions of the knock being so public?
thank you
Bless there are sadly quite a few us who have had the humiliation of live streaming by vigilantes. I too live in a village. My husband moved out straight away, lost his job, his family too. he distanced himself from friends and immediately sought help from a StopSO therapist, with my support. I was in a state of shock for a long time, in fear of what might happen to me and him.
I took the step of talking myself, in the following days, to everyone close to us. To forewarn of the video, and this actually worked out well for me in that I had support straight away. Including neighbours who looked out for my house. People (strangers) posted on Facebook that he had left and that I was alone, so I was left alone. I was on police fast response in case of any trouble, but I didn't need to call them.
People genuinely had my back, they checked that I was ok, eating, resting etc. Have a look at Rainbowgirls post on understanding why, with some tips on how to get through these awful first days, weeks, months. You are not alone. And it's ok to deal with this however you feel you need to, it's a huge life changing event, that you did not ask for and did not know was coming. You will get through this. We are here. xxx
I took the step of talking myself, in the following days, to everyone close to us. To forewarn of the video, and this actually worked out well for me in that I had support straight away. Including neighbours who looked out for my house. People (strangers) posted on Facebook that he had left and that I was alone, so I was left alone. I was on police fast response in case of any trouble, but I didn't need to call them.
People genuinely had my back, they checked that I was ok, eating, resting etc. Have a look at Rainbowgirls post on understanding why, with some tips on how to get through these awful first days, weeks, months. You are not alone. And it's ok to deal with this however you feel you need to, it's a huge life changing event, that you did not ask for and did not know was coming. You will get through this. We are here. xxx
Thank you Tabs
I know the house is being watched by neighbours in case he comes back, which puts me at unease, so will have to move away at some point. My daughter asked people to take down the posts on the village group and they turned so nasty to her, saying she was a sympathiser, the groups admin was not better and laughed. Tried reporting to FB as I believe the posts and group are inciting hate but they won't do anything.
I'm struggling to understand why it is not against the law for these groups to do what they are doing by live streaming. If they have gathered information then fine take it to the police at that point but to live stream has already made it trial by social media, the right to be innocent until proven guilty has been taken away.
My husband is so far away now so struggling to help him get the help he needs. Finally got him to ring the helpline yesterday. After someone's recommendation on here we both have watched brain, heart, world as a starting point.
I know the house is being watched by neighbours in case he comes back, which puts me at unease, so will have to move away at some point. My daughter asked people to take down the posts on the village group and they turned so nasty to her, saying she was a sympathiser, the groups admin was not better and laughed. Tried reporting to FB as I believe the posts and group are inciting hate but they won't do anything.
I'm struggling to understand why it is not against the law for these groups to do what they are doing by live streaming. If they have gathered information then fine take it to the police at that point but to live stream has already made it trial by social media, the right to be innocent until proven guilty has been taken away.
My husband is so far away now so struggling to help him get the help he needs. Finally got him to ring the helpline yesterday. After someone's recommendation on here we both have watched brain, heart, world as a starting point.
I am so sorry Bless for what you and your family are going through. Some people are just ignorant and cruel, others jump on the bandwagon as they don't want to be seen to support, even if in their hearts they do. This 'crime' is not understood. I didn't understand until I found myself here. That is what I say to people, and if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone! No one truly knows what another person is thinking and doing. Relationships are built on trust, that's why it comes as such a huge shock.
Keep on going, hold your head high, you have done nothing wrong. The people that are being unkind are not worthy of any of your attention (easier said than done I know!!). hugs Xxx
Keep on going, hold your head high, you have done nothing wrong. The people that are being unkind are not worthy of any of your attention (easier said than done I know!!). hugs Xxx
In my village, I think there is an assumption that I have nothing to do with him. I only talk about it to friends.
There are others on here that are still with their partners, after a vigilante livestream, and they say it does settle after a while...it becomes old news. Hopefully someone else will join this thread with some advice.
I totally agree with you about vigilantes. I can't understand how it is legal to do what they do. How can an adult actually think like a child...their aim is to trap, they know what to say to do that, a child wouldn't. I personally think that you should only be allowed to go on-line as yourself, with proof of ID. Any sort of pretence should be illegal. Like with buying alcohol, cigarettes, blades. I often wonder whether we will be arresting and charging those people that play the horrid blood thirsty virtual games where killing maiming and raping next....
things have to change! But until there is more education it is unlikely. X
There are others on here that are still with their partners, after a vigilante livestream, and they say it does settle after a while...it becomes old news. Hopefully someone else will join this thread with some advice.
I totally agree with you about vigilantes. I can't understand how it is legal to do what they do. How can an adult actually think like a child...their aim is to trap, they know what to say to do that, a child wouldn't. I personally think that you should only be allowed to go on-line as yourself, with proof of ID. Any sort of pretence should be illegal. Like with buying alcohol, cigarettes, blades. I often wonder whether we will be arresting and charging those people that play the horrid blood thirsty virtual games where killing maiming and raping next....
things have to change! But until there is more education it is unlikely. X
I've experienced the whole vigilante live stream, Facebook etc all shared to local groups and areas. It was terrifying, I have always asked why they can do this and police just dodge the question. The investigation is hard enough hut the public side is even worse thats for sure. All seems its for Facebook likes and publicity. Always makes me think, what kind of mentality these people have to do it and seems they're doing it for the buzz/'kicks' as well.
It does calm down, I wasn't in a small village and was lucky in the fact if anyone did find out I didn't get any problems. I've always generally kept myself to myself so not sure if people linked it all as the sting didn't didn't at the house.
Keep taking a day at a time thats what I've been trying to do as how you feel changes daily if not hourly. The main thing to remember is it does pass and life goes on, it's hard but it does and will get easier. Also with things online something new always comes up and people are so involved in gossip they move onto something else
These times really show you who your friends are thats for sure.
It does calm down, I wasn't in a small village and was lucky in the fact if anyone did find out I didn't get any problems. I've always generally kept myself to myself so not sure if people linked it all as the sting didn't didn't at the house.
Keep taking a day at a time thats what I've been trying to do as how you feel changes daily if not hourly. The main thing to remember is it does pass and life goes on, it's hard but it does and will get easier. Also with things online something new always comes up and people are so involved in gossip they move onto something else
These times really show you who your friends are thats for sure.
It will be 6 months on the 14th may since these groups did the same to me with my partner! As they say day by day some will better than others but you need to reach out on those bad days and try to avoid being in your own head and I should as many other will too is the worst thing! I have closed so many doors and cut myself off don't do that keep talking to those you trust and you will get through this much love sent your way
Thank you for your responses , they have been very much welcomed .
It's been 3 weeks since the sting. For the last week my husband had been at home, I smuggled him in during the night, he has gone back to his new home across the country now, which will make it harder to work through stuff.
We needed the time and space to talk & cry.
I have encouraged him to join SAA and he has given me access to his bank accounts . At the moment he has not disclosed everything to me as the duty solicitor advised to him not to.hopefully when he does, it will help in the understanding more.
What I do know is he was in chat rooms and talking to someone, they tried to get him to meet but he wouldn't do that , which is why they came to our house. We have been puzzled on how they found out his real name. Both of us are having nightmares over it all.
It's been 3 weeks since the sting. For the last week my husband had been at home, I smuggled him in during the night, he has gone back to his new home across the country now, which will make it harder to work through stuff.
We needed the time and space to talk & cry.
I have encouraged him to join SAA and he has given me access to his bank accounts . At the moment he has not disclosed everything to me as the duty solicitor advised to him not to.hopefully when he does, it will help in the understanding more.
What I do know is he was in chat rooms and talking to someone, they tried to get him to meet but he wouldn't do that , which is why they came to our house. We have been puzzled on how they found out his real name. Both of us are having nightmares over it all.