Can they change?
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Omg I had to reply too!! I echo what Lee says about your " therapist"! Firstly if it was me I'd change to someone else!. What an ill informed and actually very unprofessional approach especially as you no doubt plucked up a lot of courage to seek therapy on something so deeply traumatising that's happened to you. I had CBT therapy in the weeks straight after the knock and it helped me with all the terrible anxiety. I've read so so much over these last few months about porn addiction and it's opened my mind. Yes it's incredibly hard to read about and no doubt a lot of women here along with me didnt know anything about it before joining this forum. I hope you're coping love and please reach out, I got so much help on here in the early days ( but yes sack off that therapist! ) xx
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Oh hunny the last thing you need is judgement!
Why 'professionals' feel like they can use their own personal judgment with this offence is beyond me!
Is your counselling person centred?? Their role is to help you to self reflect... Unconditional positive regard, empathy and a non judgemental approach is their role.. Not to psycho analyse a man they haven't even spoken to!
I echo what Lee and Louise say about porn addiction... Not always but apparently 75% of the time.
If you can afford to pay for therapy then consider via stop so they are specialised therapist.
Take care hunny xxxx
Why 'professionals' feel like they can use their own personal judgment with this offence is beyond me!
Is your counselling person centred?? Their role is to help you to self reflect... Unconditional positive regard, empathy and a non judgemental approach is their role.. Not to psycho analyse a man they haven't even spoken to!
I echo what Lee and Louise say about porn addiction... Not always but apparently 75% of the time.
If you can afford to pay for therapy then consider via stop so they are specialised therapist.
Take care hunny xxxx
Sorry but the therapist is really crossing the line!! Hugged you! What the hell! No very unprofessional. You don't go to the Doctor and get a hug after!. I had my therapy over zoom, it was a bit strange at first talking but I got used to it. We didn't really talk about my husband and what he's done it was more to help with my extreme anxiety and how to cope with worry. I was referred by my doctor as I rang him and told them about the knock.She was brilliant and very understanding, no judgement at all and just kept reassuring me it wasn't my fault, I felt comfortable with her even via a little phone screen!. I may never have therapy offered by therapists like stopso who specialise in this. I've gained so much knowledge and understanding from this forum and reading articles. I may consider couples therapy though further down the line, I dunno. But yes please change your therapist. While you are thinking about options look at self help on line and techniques to help with anxiety and worry. Even just a simple breathing technique is helpful xx
What!!!!! This guy needs to be reported. From what you say, I would question his motives. You are very vulnerable at the moment, and it sounds like he may be taking advantage of this. It's scary to hear of a professional with such a judgmental and ill informed view
I see a StopSO therapist. She also works with offenders. In addition she works with couples to help them work through things together.
Of course there are men that are attracted to underage, but the majority of men that intentionally view and communicate are led there through their addiction to porn, and then there are those that unintentionally get involved when images are sent without their knowledge.
This is not black and white, there are lots of shades of grey. This is why you need a non judgmental therapist who can help you explore your feelings, in your own time, as information becomes known to you. It should be a gentle and supportive process.
is your other half having therapy too? If he can that will help him understand how he got here, and then he can explain to you. This often very deep rooted. Again a StopSO, or other sex offender trained therapist would be best.
Take care X
I see a StopSO therapist. She also works with offenders. In addition she works with couples to help them work through things together.
Of course there are men that are attracted to underage, but the majority of men that intentionally view and communicate are led there through their addiction to porn, and then there are those that unintentionally get involved when images are sent without their knowledge.
This is not black and white, there are lots of shades of grey. This is why you need a non judgmental therapist who can help you explore your feelings, in your own time, as information becomes known to you. It should be a gentle and supportive process.
is your other half having therapy too? If he can that will help him understand how he got here, and then he can explain to you. This often very deep rooted. Again a StopSO, or other sex offender trained therapist would be best.
Take care X
When I first found out about my partners offending I looked on stop it now and Lucy faithful website for peer reviewed papers on online offending. There are a number of stats which generally show that majority of those who view iioc do not go onto contact offending, and the reoffending rate after conviction is low. So your therapist's statements are not really backed up by studies on the matter.
I too have doubts about whether my partner has attraction to underage children, it is a horrible thought that does haunt me. It isnt like you can see into their head. He tells me he isn't but there isn't really a way to check. Maybe if he got a trained specialist to assess that could help. Studies do suggest that there are offenders that view iioc for the shock, taboo etc to get their thrill...
As mentioned above there are resources in the forum on the matter of porn addiction in general and viewing iiocs to show it isn't always black and white.
With regard to your therapist, not all are fully trained in sex offending. Some in the way not all therapists are aware or trained in my mental condition that is hair pulling. There is nothing wrong with asking for someone different to speak to.
For me as long as my partner has done the rehabilitation to never offend again then I'm relatively happy. If it was ever assessed he had an attraction to children I'm not sure how I would react to be honest. But to get that looked into it generally costs money that myself and my partner do not have. Probabion assessments don't seem to be that through as they focus on risk of reoffending, SS are not involved and they are ofc super precautionary (basically think all offenders are a risk for life it seems). From what I have seen it is only private assessments that might be able to delve into the level of attraction someone might have in children.
I too have doubts about whether my partner has attraction to underage children, it is a horrible thought that does haunt me. It isnt like you can see into their head. He tells me he isn't but there isn't really a way to check. Maybe if he got a trained specialist to assess that could help. Studies do suggest that there are offenders that view iioc for the shock, taboo etc to get their thrill...
As mentioned above there are resources in the forum on the matter of porn addiction in general and viewing iiocs to show it isn't always black and white.
With regard to your therapist, not all are fully trained in sex offending. Some in the way not all therapists are aware or trained in my mental condition that is hair pulling. There is nothing wrong with asking for someone different to speak to.
For me as long as my partner has done the rehabilitation to never offend again then I'm relatively happy. If it was ever assessed he had an attraction to children I'm not sure how I would react to be honest. But to get that looked into it generally costs money that myself and my partner do not have. Probabion assessments don't seem to be that through as they focus on risk of reoffending, SS are not involved and they are ofc super precautionary (basically think all offenders are a risk for life it seems). From what I have seen it is only private assessments that might be able to delve into the level of attraction someone might have in children.
You're right re assements. We paid 2 lots of £2k for a psychologist evaluation! It showed him struggling with all sorts of mental health issues but no attraction to underage. The second one backed up the first and showed his progress in addressing his mental health issues...but sadly didn't stop judge sending him to prison for talking and arranging to meet a vigilante on an adult chat room. One conversation no searches for children, no images. He was meeting women though to satisfy his addiction. It's all very complicated and more needs to be done in understanding this so that others do not fall into the hole. It will cost a lot of money, but nowhere near the amount it will cost in the future to put people through the criminal system. It's all very sad. x
Sounds like your therapist is not really a therapist at all. There is a difference between a p and someone who carries out an online offence. Some people will be but others are enthralled up in a porn addiction which leads to deeper and darker areas.
I saw a stopso therapist at the start and she said don't make any quick decisions take time for you. She explained the addiction and that it doesn't make him a p. My husband has been 100%honest from the beginning and I have stayed with as I have seen the effort he is putting in and the amazing differences. He is seeing a stopso therapist and he has said he has no sexual interest in children, he did a bad thing but he is jot a bad person. There is a huge difference it just doesn't seem like society are willing to accept this. You really need a therapist who is going to support you and not be saying things like that and crossing so many professional boundaries.
I saw a stopso therapist at the start and she said don't make any quick decisions take time for you. She explained the addiction and that it doesn't make him a p. My husband has been 100%honest from the beginning and I have stayed with as I have seen the effort he is putting in and the amazing differences. He is seeing a stopso therapist and he has said he has no sexual interest in children, he did a bad thing but he is jot a bad person. There is a huge difference it just doesn't seem like society are willing to accept this. You really need a therapist who is going to support you and not be saying things like that and crossing so many professional boundaries.