My Dad was arrested and I am broken
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My Dad was arrested on Tuesday, I'm sure everyone says the same but I just cannot comprehend what has happened. He is my step dad but has been a father to me for 45 years and I love him as if he were my actual father. The destruction to my family, my mother and my siblings is absolutely hideous. Watching my 41 year old brother unable to speak through the tears is heartbreaking. I am so confused and my sister is too as we have seen him and still love him yet we are disgusted and aghast at what he has done. We met him yesterday and asked him loads of questions and whilst I think there is a lot more to know I am confident we are dealing with category A. I'm so worried about my mum and where she stands. If it goes to crown court will he need to pay costs because he would have to sell the house to do that. If my mum had to lose her home to pay for his crimes then I would be angry. I'm so sad and desperate and need advice.
Hi Sandy!!
My 70 year old dad was arrested in June we are coming to the end ( well I say end also the start of the 'new normal' whatever that is) of the nightmare now with crown court hearing in 3 weeks!
I fully understand what you're feeling it's the most heart breaking thing to ever go through especially a father figure in your life - as a daughter you desperately want to understand but can't.
I've learnt it usually starts as a porn addiction and then the more they view it the more desensitised they are and they want more hits of extreme porn and then fall down the rabbit hole. it is an addiction like a drug user getting high. that's my understanding anyway and helps me understand it more.
If your dad has only viewed images with no communication and has no previous I think it's more than likely he will get a suspended sentence.
Unfortunately it gets dragged all the way through crown court.
her advice from your solicitor about costs - in the beginning when my dad got arrested I spoke to the solicitor on my parents behalf.
its a lot, and it keeps coming but you will get stronger ??
My 70 year old dad was arrested in June we are coming to the end ( well I say end also the start of the 'new normal' whatever that is) of the nightmare now with crown court hearing in 3 weeks!
I fully understand what you're feeling it's the most heart breaking thing to ever go through especially a father figure in your life - as a daughter you desperately want to understand but can't.
I've learnt it usually starts as a porn addiction and then the more they view it the more desensitised they are and they want more hits of extreme porn and then fall down the rabbit hole. it is an addiction like a drug user getting high. that's my understanding anyway and helps me understand it more.
If your dad has only viewed images with no communication and has no previous I think it's more than likely he will get a suspended sentence.
Unfortunately it gets dragged all the way through crown court.
her advice from your solicitor about costs - in the beginning when my dad got arrested I spoke to the solicitor on my parents behalf.
its a lot, and it keeps coming but you will get stronger ??
My dad was arrested nearly 2 years ago now. I understand your feelings, I also couldn't believe what was happening to us as a family! It's the scariest thing I've ever been through.
I stood by my dad, I knew him and knew he needed the support and family around him. All I can say is follow your instinct on what you want to do, at first I was the only one in my family who said I wouldn't turn my back, felt like I was arguing his case till I was blue in the face! But I knew no-one was changing my mind (We couldn't have contact with him as he was suicidal and on remand in prison) but as soon as we managed to have contact with him we all realised he needed a lot of help!
talking is the best, my dad has helped raise me to be a kind understanding young lady, and I wasn't going to change that because of his addiction and mental health battles! Now we are getting there, we talk a lot more as a family, I've had a baby who came just at the right time and has brought us all so much joy! And I watch my dad improve everyday, it does get better I promise xx
I stood by my dad, I knew him and knew he needed the support and family around him. All I can say is follow your instinct on what you want to do, at first I was the only one in my family who said I wouldn't turn my back, felt like I was arguing his case till I was blue in the face! But I knew no-one was changing my mind (We couldn't have contact with him as he was suicidal and on remand in prison) but as soon as we managed to have contact with him we all realised he needed a lot of help!
talking is the best, my dad has helped raise me to be a kind understanding young lady, and I wasn't going to change that because of his addiction and mental health battles! Now we are getting there, we talk a lot more as a family, I've had a baby who came just at the right time and has brought us all so much joy! And I watch my dad improve everyday, it does get better I promise xx
@ mac
That's lovely to read I pray my dad will get stronger just like yours and we can return to some sort of normality as a family.
my dad has lost over 2 stone and is in a constant battle with his own mind.
It's devastating to see.
We are more then certain he will get a suspended sentence due to ill health and no previous.
That's lovely to read I pray my dad will get stronger just like yours and we can return to some sort of normality as a family.
my dad has lost over 2 stone and is in a constant battle with his own mind.
It's devastating to see.
We are more then certain he will get a suspended sentence due to ill health and no previous.
Hi there,
I just wanted to reach out to you and reply to your post because I'm going through a similar situation and also feeling completely broken. My Dad was arrested and charged with accessing IIOC 8 months ago and my life fell apart. I try and take things day by day but feel very sad and very lost a lot of the time. Its such a hard scary journey to be on.
Thinking of you and sending kind thoughts and strength to you.
I just wanted to reach out to you and reply to your post because I'm going through a similar situation and also feeling completely broken. My Dad was arrested and charged with accessing IIOC 8 months ago and my life fell apart. I try and take things day by day but feel very sad and very lost a lot of the time. Its such a hard scary journey to be on.
Thinking of you and sending kind thoughts and strength to you.
Hi all, I found out last weekend that my Dad was arrested and sentenced last year. He's now on the sex offenders register and going to be monitored for the next two years, it turns out he also had an affair a couple of years ago. Mum and I both just found out about the affair, though she knew of his arrest and my poor Mum cannot think straight. It all came out in an explosive family reunion over the very ill health of her father, who is dying. I got in touch with Dad afterwards via text to ask if he is getting professional support, and his response was shocking - he clearly needs some, but is very bitter and refusing to get any, acting as the victim and not at all accepting responsibility for his actions, blaming society and taking the lesson from this as 'it doesn't matter what you do practically in life, just what people think of you'. His line of thinking is that his porn addiction had 'zero impact on anyone', that is wasn't real. This scares me because he is trying to justify his actions and evade responsiblity, but I'm also confused because while my brother is all for cutting him out all together, I'm aware that he has also brought a lot to my life and is quite seriously needing professional help. I am getting the help I need for my own sanity through this, and I see how dysfunctional his and Mum's relationship is, but am worried that she will return to a relationship where she gives her power/voice over to him and he may twist her own thoughts about it too before she has a chance to draw the line between them. His attitude is one of a reoffender, isn't there any legal obligation for him to get professional mental health support? Both he and my Mum view mental ill health as this big taboo that happens to other people and is something they wouldn't want to seek advice on.
There is limited resources for offenders but there is the inform course (highly recommend), online modules from stop it now. I would have thought your dad has to be monitored by probation? My partner has to have a certain number of days worth of 'learning', and I think some probation teams have access to iioc offending. But since my partner had already done the Lucy faithful course before he was charged the probation team can't get him to do another course again essentially for the sake of it.
One key aspect is your dad will need to want to get the help, otherwise any course or therapy will not be as effective. Iioc is not a victimless crime and sounds like your dad has become desensitized which is common through porn addiction. You could show him the options out there and suggest he rings the Lucy faithful helpline. I hope he sees the benefits of getting help.
One key aspect is your dad will need to want to get the help, otherwise any course or therapy will not be as effective. Iioc is not a victimless crime and sounds like your dad has become desensitized which is common through porn addiction. You could show him the options out there and suggest he rings the Lucy faithful helpline. I hope he sees the benefits of getting help.