So confused
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Hi
I have read posts from some amazing strong people on here and feel I need to reach out to people who understand
3 weeks since the knock. My husband is on bail and staying in a room about 15 miles away- we have a grandchild living at home as well as 3 other people (2 my children) over 18. My husband is not my children's dad
To begin with I didn't have contact with him and then I asked him questions by text before meeting him this week
i think I am getting the truth about his addiction to porn and then being invited into a group by someone who was a police officer and saving images but it wasn't about it being iioc it was just anything to escape a difficult home and work situation with a lot of money worries
I am just so very confused. I have seen the man, my husband, again for the first time in about 18 months. In that time he lost his job and not managed to get another one and I believe he wants to change and accept whatever he needs to do to get better from an addiction My adult children obviously feel hurt and angry and disgusted and since I have seen him 2 of them have spent time telling me how they will never be able to look at him again how they are disgusted how he must be a pervert to go looking at things and that if he comes home my grandchild and his mum will never be anywhere near him again
I do understand this and they are hurting because they feel betrayed and because I am so devastated
I have said to my husband that I can't promise anything about the future but you don't stop loving someone and I believe he wants to get better so I am being cautious
I am so very confused and scared about how I feel, what the future will hold and everything in between
Next week my husband goes to the police again and may have his bail lifted
I just don't know where to go next
Thank you for any advice/support this feels like a lifeline right now
xxx
I have read posts from some amazing strong people on here and feel I need to reach out to people who understand
3 weeks since the knock. My husband is on bail and staying in a room about 15 miles away- we have a grandchild living at home as well as 3 other people (2 my children) over 18. My husband is not my children's dad
To begin with I didn't have contact with him and then I asked him questions by text before meeting him this week
i think I am getting the truth about his addiction to porn and then being invited into a group by someone who was a police officer and saving images but it wasn't about it being iioc it was just anything to escape a difficult home and work situation with a lot of money worries
I am just so very confused. I have seen the man, my husband, again for the first time in about 18 months. In that time he lost his job and not managed to get another one and I believe he wants to change and accept whatever he needs to do to get better from an addiction My adult children obviously feel hurt and angry and disgusted and since I have seen him 2 of them have spent time telling me how they will never be able to look at him again how they are disgusted how he must be a pervert to go looking at things and that if he comes home my grandchild and his mum will never be anywhere near him again
I do understand this and they are hurting because they feel betrayed and because I am so devastated
I have said to my husband that I can't promise anything about the future but you don't stop loving someone and I believe he wants to get better so I am being cautious
I am so very confused and scared about how I feel, what the future will hold and everything in between
Next week my husband goes to the police again and may have his bail lifted
I just don't know where to go next
Thank you for any advice/support this feels like a lifeline right now
xxx
Hello Grace12
Thank you for reaching out for some support and advice from the Family and Friends Forum. We have noticed that your post has not yet received a response from other forum users, hopefully another forum user will reply soon. However, in the meantime, I just wanted to acknowledge your post as I recognise how hard it may have been to write this, so I just wanted to say well done for doing so.
Finding out that a loved one has been engaging in this type of behaviour online, can be a huge shock. People in this situation can feel a whole host of emotions. They can feel confused, because they may feel angry and betrayed, yet love this person and want to support them. I just wanted to note that It’s normal to feel a rollercoaster of emotions that you are feeling right now. In our experience, sometimes family members find it helpful to speak with someone independent of the situation for some support and advice. Therefore, I would encourage you to contact us on our Stop It Now! helpline on 0808 1000 900, if you have not done so already. One of our trained and non-judgmental advisors will then be able to support you further and provide tailored guidance and advice which you might find helpful.
Take care,
Lucy
Thank you for reaching out for some support and advice from the Family and Friends Forum. We have noticed that your post has not yet received a response from other forum users, hopefully another forum user will reply soon. However, in the meantime, I just wanted to acknowledge your post as I recognise how hard it may have been to write this, so I just wanted to say well done for doing so.
Finding out that a loved one has been engaging in this type of behaviour online, can be a huge shock. People in this situation can feel a whole host of emotions. They can feel confused, because they may feel angry and betrayed, yet love this person and want to support them. I just wanted to note that It’s normal to feel a rollercoaster of emotions that you are feeling right now. In our experience, sometimes family members find it helpful to speak with someone independent of the situation for some support and advice. Therefore, I would encourage you to contact us on our Stop It Now! helpline on 0808 1000 900, if you have not done so already. One of our trained and non-judgmental advisors will then be able to support you further and provide tailored guidance and advice which you might find helpful.
Take care,
Lucy
Grace,
I just read your message and wanted to reach out. I understand the feeling of being torn in different directions and wanting to make some decisions, if anything just to give the future some certainty. It must be so difficult to have such strong reactions from your family, and yet be unsure about what to do or feel yourself.
It is such a complex situation to deal with. I'm pretty new at this, being only a few months into the journey. It is no where near as black and white as it can sound to anyone outside of this.
I hope that you find support from this forum. Hopefully it is a place to bring the feelings you are not sure what to do with and know that others understand that sense of utter confusion and heartache, without judgement. Xx
I just read your message and wanted to reach out. I understand the feeling of being torn in different directions and wanting to make some decisions, if anything just to give the future some certainty. It must be so difficult to have such strong reactions from your family, and yet be unsure about what to do or feel yourself.
It is such a complex situation to deal with. I'm pretty new at this, being only a few months into the journey. It is no where near as black and white as it can sound to anyone outside of this.
I hope that you find support from this forum. Hopefully it is a place to bring the feelings you are not sure what to do with and know that others understand that sense of utter confusion and heartache, without judgement. Xx
Hi Grace,
I am so sorry to hear that you have joined this club none of us want to be a member of.
Hopefully you will find support on here. I would strongly suggest that you read the understanding why section as there is a post on there around falling down the rabbit hole if porn addiction and also tips for new members I posted.
I am almost a year into this. Its an emotional roller-coaster and you have to work through all of those emotions.
You sound like you know your husband well and still love him. This offence is seen so black and white by society and probably us before the knock but if we look at it from the porn addiction angle, it's not as black and white as it seems... Addiction is addiction... Whether it's porn, drugs, alcohol or gambling... Its just sad that our men turned to the most taboo. I spent the first few weeks saying... Anything but this!! The shock takes a while to settle it ever.
Have you spoken to the helpline? They are very helpful when you're having a real wobble. Also the inform course Lucy faithful runs I would highly recommend in increasing your understanding.
Take care and look after yourself. Xxxx
I am so sorry to hear that you have joined this club none of us want to be a member of.
Hopefully you will find support on here. I would strongly suggest that you read the understanding why section as there is a post on there around falling down the rabbit hole if porn addiction and also tips for new members I posted.
I am almost a year into this. Its an emotional roller-coaster and you have to work through all of those emotions.
You sound like you know your husband well and still love him. This offence is seen so black and white by society and probably us before the knock but if we look at it from the porn addiction angle, it's not as black and white as it seems... Addiction is addiction... Whether it's porn, drugs, alcohol or gambling... Its just sad that our men turned to the most taboo. I spent the first few weeks saying... Anything but this!! The shock takes a while to settle it ever.
Have you spoken to the helpline? They are very helpful when you're having a real wobble. Also the inform course Lucy faithful runs I would highly recommend in increasing your understanding.
Take care and look after yourself. Xxxx