Betrayal
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My house was raided by the police last week and all of our devices were taken. The reason is obvious but to me it has changed everything. I couldn't believe that my husband would do such a thing. I even went to the police to say may done it in a drunken stupor. I was interviewed under caution and it took 2 days for my husband to admit that it was him. I was devastated. But the thing that hurts the most is that he let me go to the police knowing that it was him. He even drove me there. I can't bear to tell anyone. I'm ashamed and numb. I just want to leave but he's suicidal. I'm sleeping in the spare room but all I want to do is run away. The wait for news from the police is killing me. Everything is just a sick mix of getting through each day. My head is all over the place.
Please know that you are not alone Lynn. This forum is a lifeline, and it's worth reading through people's experiences here to see how your experience has similarities with others. I would also urge you to phone the helpline. The people there are incredibly helpful. I completely understand the hurt and betrayal you are feeling. These men get themselves into a position of hopeless cowardice and they have learned to shut out reality. They will do desperate, unthinking things in order to try and hide from the truth coming out. Eventually it catches up with them and then the real journey of recovery can start. My husband had lied and covered things up from me for years but he said that once arrested it was actually a relief to start to be honest. He has been on a long, hard road and he is genuinely remorseful. I have decided to support him but it took me a while and to start with I just could not cope with this idea. The time apart helped us to think about things.
It will take time for you to know how or whether your husband will respond to help, and it is for him to take up all the help going. You must think of yourself now, and just take one step at a time. Take a breath and work out what you can and can't cope with. Don't be afraid to set boundaries with what you can deal with. This will get easier once the panic subsides. Is there anyone you can confide in? Choose carefully, and above all keep coming on here where you will find loads of support. Take care, and know that you are not alone.
It will take time for you to know how or whether your husband will respond to help, and it is for him to take up all the help going. You must think of yourself now, and just take one step at a time. Take a breath and work out what you can and can't cope with. Don't be afraid to set boundaries with what you can deal with. This will get easier once the panic subsides. Is there anyone you can confide in? Choose carefully, and above all keep coming on here where you will find loads of support. Take care, and know that you are not alone.
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Hello Lynn,
I'm really very sorry to hear about what you are going through. Nothing in your life feels real anymore I guess. I just wanted to run away, stay in bed forever or simply just go to sleep and never wake up.
You are very welcome here. We all wish there wasn't a need for this forum but there is and it's one of the good things to come out of this sorry mess.
We may be able to offer tips and advice but be sure no one judges or moralises over decisions you'll be needing to make over the next days/weeks/months and years. We will be able to offer comfort and support without doubt.
Your thoughts will be taken over by lots of questions and whys. Try to seek assistance from the helpline and learn some techniques to calm your mind.
You are not alone.
Jaded
I'm really very sorry to hear about what you are going through. Nothing in your life feels real anymore I guess. I just wanted to run away, stay in bed forever or simply just go to sleep and never wake up.
You are very welcome here. We all wish there wasn't a need for this forum but there is and it's one of the good things to come out of this sorry mess.
We may be able to offer tips and advice but be sure no one judges or moralises over decisions you'll be needing to make over the next days/weeks/months and years. We will be able to offer comfort and support without doubt.
Your thoughts will be taken over by lots of questions and whys. Try to seek assistance from the helpline and learn some techniques to calm your mind.
You are not alone.
Jaded
Lynn
just to send you my love you truly are not alone. The statistics are crazy so many marriages seem caught up in this.
No one here judges . You know your life and situation best. My head still can’t make sense of why he would do such a thing! As poster said he must have been desperate and obviously no one thinks of the consequences or level of betrayal. Take one step at a time. Some men can’t accept that they have caused so much pain while others do.
I hope you seek the support you can in the next few days and weeks.
i am nearly two months in and some days are better than others. Xxx
just to send you my love you truly are not alone. The statistics are crazy so many marriages seem caught up in this.
No one here judges . You know your life and situation best. My head still can’t make sense of why he would do such a thing! As poster said he must have been desperate and obviously no one thinks of the consequences or level of betrayal. Take one step at a time. Some men can’t accept that they have caused so much pain while others do.
I hope you seek the support you can in the next few days and weeks.
i am nearly two months in and some days are better than others. Xxx
Thank you lovely ladies for your messages of help and support. It's such a big deal to me that you all are so understanding. I'm so sorry that we are in this awful place. Please be strong. I'm only 2 weeks in. I know I'll never be able to stay with him. But I need to get my head around this before I do anything. I'm afraid I don't have anyone I can share this with other than you . I'm scared of the repercussions for him. But I feel great comfort because of this forum. Xx
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Hello ladies,
I'm sorry to say that another week has passed and still I have no idea what to do. I can't bear to be here any more but I have nowhere else to go. No-one else knows about it. Just feel hopeless. Just wanted to vent.
I'm sorry to say that another week has passed and still I have no idea what to do. I can't bear to be here any more but I have nowhere else to go. No-one else knows about it. Just feel hopeless. Just wanted to vent.