Hi I am new to this site, my husband was arrested after he was found to have in his possession indecent photos, he is under investigation, they have told us that it could be a year before it goes to court because of delays. I am divorcing him, because of other trust issues this was the last straw. He has always had a problem with porn but I have only just realised that he was addicted, I never knew it would lead to this though, he has said that he was very depressed and because of this started to build a Huge collection of porn.
I might have believed that however what I can't get my head around is him putting it on a memory stick, as I said to him you don't go near this stuff you don't touch it. If he accidentally come across this why didn't he delete it after he knew what it was.
I was horrified when I found out and when I realised that all of our lives have been destroyed. I am going through all of the motions anger,sad, depressed, worry, hopeful, these emotions are on a loop in my head. I think that the worst thing is that other people have said that this is like a bereavement but without the body and it's true I am grieving for the life we should have had instead of this nightmare. I couldn't stand by him because of the other trust issues but also because he says that he isn't a P (I don't think that he is)I would always be wondering and I can't look at him the same way. I also worry that our names will be in the papers, I just don't understand why he would do this when this has destroyed everything.
h
I might have believed that however what I can't get my head around is him putting it on a memory stick, as I said to him you don't go near this stuff you don't touch it. If he accidentally come across this why didn't he delete it after he knew what it was.
I was horrified when I found out and when I realised that all of our lives have been destroyed. I am going through all of the motions anger,sad, depressed, worry, hopeful, these emotions are on a loop in my head. I think that the worst thing is that other people have said that this is like a bereavement but without the body and it's true I am grieving for the life we should have had instead of this nightmare. I couldn't stand by him because of the other trust issues but also because he says that he isn't a P (I don't think that he is)I would always be wondering and I can't look at him the same way. I also worry that our names will be in the papers, I just don't understand why he would do this when this has destroyed everything.
h
Hi bereft. So sorry to have you here in the club no one wants to be in. It is great that you have reached out to the forum. I recommend having a look at a few posts and the understanding why 'room' has resources that have helped others.
Have you contacted the Lucy faithful helpline? They were one of the first resources I used, just nice to chat to someone who is there to listen and give good advice.
There are some online resources on the stop it now website for family and friends to have an overall understanding of these types of offences. But at the end of the day there can be many variables and are pretty much case by case as not all offenders are the same: their triggers, the risk, their mindset, if they do or do not have an attraction to children.
To get some closure you may need to consider asking your ex to be open and honest, if that is what you want (either now in future) hopefully he will give it to you. Otherwise I'm afraid you may never know the full reasons. I recommend seeking therapy (from someone trained in sex offending) to help process the emotions. CBT was alway helpful to me. Coming to terms I may never know the full truth and that dwelling on it too much can be harmful to my mental health.
The fear of the media is always valid, it is unfortunately inconsistent on whether a case will be reported. It depends on what other news is around, scale of the offence etc. It can take years from the knock to sentencing....so this may be a long journey.
Surrounded yourself with friends and family, pick a hobby to help you relax and feel free to use this forum.
Big hugs
Have you contacted the Lucy faithful helpline? They were one of the first resources I used, just nice to chat to someone who is there to listen and give good advice.
There are some online resources on the stop it now website for family and friends to have an overall understanding of these types of offences. But at the end of the day there can be many variables and are pretty much case by case as not all offenders are the same: their triggers, the risk, their mindset, if they do or do not have an attraction to children.
To get some closure you may need to consider asking your ex to be open and honest, if that is what you want (either now in future) hopefully he will give it to you. Otherwise I'm afraid you may never know the full reasons. I recommend seeking therapy (from someone trained in sex offending) to help process the emotions. CBT was alway helpful to me. Coming to terms I may never know the full truth and that dwelling on it too much can be harmful to my mental health.
The fear of the media is always valid, it is unfortunately inconsistent on whether a case will be reported. It depends on what other news is around, scale of the offence etc. It can take years from the knock to sentencing....so this may be a long journey.
Surrounded yourself with friends and family, pick a hobby to help you relax and feel free to use this forum.
Big hugs
I recommend the thread
***Advice for new members on surviving those early days
***Advice for new members on surviving those early days
Hi Majestictopaz.
Thank you for your post, yes this is a club that I don't want to be in and untiI this happened did,t even know existed. I have spoken to the Lucy Faithfull helpline and they gave good advice and support. I also speak to a local helpline as well, I hope that I get closure once the court case has come and the full details of the memory stick are made. I am in a limbo state at the minute as I am waiting for the divorce to go through and waiting for the court case. I am a bit calmer at the minute probably the calm before the storm. I will take a look at the thread, thank you.
Thanks
Bereft
Thank you for your post, yes this is a club that I don't want to be in and untiI this happened did,t even know existed. I have spoken to the Lucy Faithfull helpline and they gave good advice and support. I also speak to a local helpline as well, I hope that I get closure once the court case has come and the full details of the memory stick are made. I am in a limbo state at the minute as I am waiting for the divorce to go through and waiting for the court case. I am a bit calmer at the minute probably the calm before the storm. I will take a look at the thread, thank you.
Thanks
Bereft