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Hello. I found a lot of content on my husband's computer a couple days ago while he was away on business and reported him to the police. Because of the severity of what they found, they found and arrested him at his hotel before they'd even finished taking my statement.
He told me he struggled with attraction to young children when we met, but he's been lying about possession of pornography for a few years now, and probably lying about having tried to get help. It was the lying that was the final straw - it didn't seem like he was interested in changing or letting me help him.
On top of that, he's 20 years older than me. Though we had a caring and wonderful relationship, I now am wondering if he was only with me because of my age and the fact I look very young for my age (I'm 27 but regularly get told at bars I look 13 or 14).
I'm wrestling with a lot of feelings of guilt and grief, though I think I did the right thing in calling the police. My close friends have been very supportive, but no one I know has gone through anything like this. I was just wondering if there are other folks on here who made the choice to report a partner and have any tips for processing things in the first few days and weeks following a discovery/arrest like this.
Thanks for reading.
He told me he struggled with attraction to young children when we met, but he's been lying about possession of pornography for a few years now, and probably lying about having tried to get help. It was the lying that was the final straw - it didn't seem like he was interested in changing or letting me help him.
On top of that, he's 20 years older than me. Though we had a caring and wonderful relationship, I now am wondering if he was only with me because of my age and the fact I look very young for my age (I'm 27 but regularly get told at bars I look 13 or 14).
I'm wrestling with a lot of feelings of guilt and grief, though I think I did the right thing in calling the police. My close friends have been very supportive, but no one I know has gone through anything like this. I was just wondering if there are other folks on here who made the choice to report a partner and have any tips for processing things in the first few days and weeks following a discovery/arrest like this.
Thanks for reading.
I just wanted to reply and let you know that although my story is different, finding out from 'the knock' rather than reporting it myself, that you have come to the right place for support. I haven't posted before but over the last few months I have read many stories and threads and they have helped me realise that we are not alone.
There is a common theme of finding inner strength we didn't know we had until we had no choice.
To start with I found each day a struggle but then before you know it a week has passed and a month and another.
I hope you find support here. It took great strength to report him and that strength will help you through whatever the future holds xx
There is a common theme of finding inner strength we didn't know we had until we had no choice.
To start with I found each day a struggle but then before you know it a week has passed and a month and another.
I hope you find support here. It took great strength to report him and that strength will help you through whatever the future holds xx
Hello, it must have taken a lot of courage to go to the police. I often think what if I had found evidence of my partner's activity instead of the police. I also really identify with those thoughts about appearing younger than you are. I am actually older than my partner but have always looked younger (although I have many grey hairs now!). Since finding out I have thought a lot about whether that had a bearing on why he found me attractive. Its amazing how you pick apart every last bit of your life together. Sending love and support.
Hi Cloud,
I really appreciate your reply. It feels so good to hear from someone else that was uncertain about posting on here.
It's got to be about taking everything day by day, and I know that. But it's also all so isolating and distressing, especially during lockdown.
It's good to hear that there's a community on here where I can keep visiting, just to read or to reach out.
It's not a club any of us wanted to be in, but my anxieties were so high that I was worried about if I could find a place as a partner who had to do the reporting. Your reassurance meant the world to me when I read it today.
I really appreciate your reply. It feels so good to hear from someone else that was uncertain about posting on here.
It's got to be about taking everything day by day, and I know that. But it's also all so isolating and distressing, especially during lockdown.
It's good to hear that there's a community on here where I can keep visiting, just to read or to reach out.
It's not a club any of us wanted to be in, but my anxieties were so high that I was worried about if I could find a place as a partner who had to do the reporting. Your reassurance meant the world to me when I read it today.
Hello Max27
First of all I would like to say that I commend you for reporting your partner, although a very difficult decision to make, you did the right thing. It takes inner strength and courage to do that. My son of 23 "self disclosed" to the police in December, received a caution for having had x2 iioc, he hadn't searched for them but was on an online chat about pornography and opened a link, he had been looking at pornography with his mates since his very early teens.
I am deeply sad that you find yourself here but equally positive that you will find the support you need, to help you on this extremely difficult and emotional journey.
I wish you all the very best .
First of all I would like to say that I commend you for reporting your partner, although a very difficult decision to make, you did the right thing. It takes inner strength and courage to do that. My son of 23 "self disclosed" to the police in December, received a caution for having had x2 iioc, he hadn't searched for them but was on an online chat about pornography and opened a link, he had been looking at pornography with his mates since his very early teens.
I am deeply sad that you find yourself here but equally positive that you will find the support you need, to help you on this extremely difficult and emotional journey.
I wish you all the very best .
Hi Max27
I am in a similar situation to you, I found a memory stick full of indecent images and called the police. He was arrested and is under investigation, I am in the process of divorcing him as I couldn't trust him, there were other trust issues.
I did feel guilty about calling the Police, however I couldn't have stayed quite about what I found and knew that I couldn't stay with him. Is he attracted to children, I don't know, he said that he was very depressed and was collecting more and more porn, but I couldn't understand why he would touch this. He has always had a problem with porn but I had no idea about this. There are times I wish that I hadn't found the memory stick, other times I wonder what would have happened next, would I have had the knock? I go through all of the emotions everyday, our lives are ruined, I take it one day at a time. I have only told close family, just hope it doesn't get into the press, I hope I have closure When it goes to court.
Be strong, we will get through this.
Bereft
I am in a similar situation to you, I found a memory stick full of indecent images and called the police. He was arrested and is under investigation, I am in the process of divorcing him as I couldn't trust him, there were other trust issues.
I did feel guilty about calling the Police, however I couldn't have stayed quite about what I found and knew that I couldn't stay with him. Is he attracted to children, I don't know, he said that he was very depressed and was collecting more and more porn, but I couldn't understand why he would touch this. He has always had a problem with porn but I had no idea about this. There are times I wish that I hadn't found the memory stick, other times I wonder what would have happened next, would I have had the knock? I go through all of the emotions everyday, our lives are ruined, I take it one day at a time. I have only told close family, just hope it doesn't get into the press, I hope I have closure When it goes to court.
Be strong, we will get through this.
Bereft