Family and Friends Forum

Hi Luis

im so sorry to hear that the press have reported your dads case. This happened with our son but we knew everything before it went to court because we had been given disclosure by the solicitor our son had.

One thing I will say, don't take what the press say as gospel because in our sons case they took the facts and worded the article in such a way that it made things sound a hundred times worse than they were. I had disclosure from his solicitor and the article differed greatly from the realty.

Has your dad returned to your mums house? If so it may be worth putting a call into the local police because I think they can put a marker on the house for fast response should anything kick off. That said, people usually snigger behind your back in this situation rather than confront anyone. Nobody in our village said anything to me or my family but we left after three weeks because of my paranoia.

I hope you stay strong and get through this rough time. It's not easy but it does get better with time. Quite a few ladies on here have stayed put and had no trouble from people so I'm hoping one of those ladies can advise you with more detail than me. Meantime, try and keep calm and look after yourself x

Hi Luis

im so sorry to hear that the press have reported your dads case. This happened with our son but we knew everything before it went to court because we had been given disclosure by the solicitor our son had.

One thing I will say, don't take what the press say as gospel because in our sons case they took the facts and worded the article in such a way that it made things sound a hundred times worse than they were. I had disclosure from his solicitor and the article differed greatly from the realty.

Has your dad returned to your mums house? If so it may be worth putting a call into the local police because I think they can put a marker on the house for fast response should anything kick off. That said, people usually snigger behind your back in this situation rather than confront anyone. Nobody in our village said anything to me or my family but we left after three weeks because of my paranoia.

I hope you stay strong and get through this rough time. It's not easy but it does get better with time. Quite a few ladies on here have stayed put and had no trouble from people so I'm hoping one of those ladies can advise you with more detail than me. Meantime, try and keep calm and look after yourself x

Luis

I am sorry to hear it hit the media. We also did and all social media it was only in for a week and new stories came in.

We have had no trouble, I do however know of people gossiping about us. I have ignore that as they say people who point fingers, should make sure their hands are clean.

Please make sure you don't read anymore, media like to twist it adds more likes shares etc come off all media.

Breathe look after you

Take care

Virtual hugs to you and your mum. X

Hi Luis your dads and my partners cases sound similar, he was talking online to a police decoy and arranged to meet, he was sent to prison.
This was the worst bit for me waiting to see if it hit the press and when it did waiting to see who'd read about it, and it seemed at the time everyone, and of course everyone has their own opinions. I felt so ashamed I just wanted to run away I asked my workplace for a transfer (but wasn't allowed) and also moved out of my home after my address which I own was printed. Luckily for me nothing has ever happened and I have never felt threatened. I have since moved back home and feel ready to say to anyone who ever asks, yeah that's what he did. Nice nanna is right don't believe everything the press write they just want a sensationalised story. Hope everything settles down for u and your mum.

My son hit the paper and Facebook . I've come off social media and I didn't read it . People are full of false threats. I'll never buy another newspaper again . X my sons at court tomorrow and it will be in the paper . We're up for sentencing. Been told to expect a custodial . Seems so unfair after he was raped by someone we know for 3 years . He's been naive and stupid but we are supporting him fully . I think you become hard and after the first time it hit the paper I've cared less about that and more about our family and who's stood by us and him xx much love I know it's hard

Hi Scrappy

good luck for tomorrow. I know exactly how you feel as my son is in prison for a communication offence. He was made an example of and got a very harsh sentence which we all have no option but to work through and live with.
I wish I had been as brave as you and stuck it out because as you sat it's only news for a short while and then they move on to the next thing.

Have you packed a bag, got money ready etc just in case it's a custodial sentence? We didn't do this and it made the first two weeks for our son in prison harder than it needed to be.

Let us know how he gets on.Keep strong and good luck tomorrow x

Hi Niceanna

yes we've packed his bag and put what he's allowed in and some cash . We've prepared for the worst . I've had a bad day today if I'm honest. I've read his probation report and they are recommending non custodial and therapy for his PTSD . I'm still thinking it will be prison tho . Ive been very naive throughout the whole thing . Paid a fortune for a soliciter and barrister but I think it's very unlikely people get found not guilty of a child sex offence . It's taboo isn't it. We've had some good support as my son is such a nice guy . I don't think he will ever recover from being abused and this seems so unfair . In a strange way it's brought us all closer and I'm very proud of how he has handled himself . I never thought we would end up on this road but here we are x I seem a little cynical but I'm really not . This forum has saved me today x

Hi Scrappy

I'm sorry you've had a bad day but I understand it. I never slept for a whole week the day my son was arrested and I didn't once close my eyes for a week when he got sent to prison. Unlike you, I took the probation report as meaning the judge would go with what they recommend which was a big mistake. They recommend non custodial but my son got sent down for four years. I went into such shock, I fainted in the court room. It was absolutely the worst day of my life. Worse than my mother dying and that's saying something because the day she died I was 24 stone six pounds, six months later after a breakdown I weighed just under six stone yet that was easier than this. I don't know if you know my story but basically my son struck up a friendship/ relationship with a girl of fourteen and a half. Her parents liked our son and had video called him many times. They invited him there for weekends etc but he never did go. They lived about eight hours from us. He never asked to meet the girl and he never did meet her. Along the way after a few months my son realised he was in over his head as far as the law went and decided to stop things. At that stage, her parents reported it to the police and seven months later he was sent to priso. The first month for him was awful but the truth is that prison is not as bad as people make out when your on the protection wing. Make sure if your son is sent to prison that he says protection when he gets asked does he want mainstream or protection.

Not start me on solicitors and barristers. I am not wealthy but my uncle is very wealthy. He paid an obscene amount of money on the idiots but our son still got sent to prison for four years and even that would have been more had he not pleaded guilty. My son never denied what he'd done but I must admit he feels like he's been kicked in the teeth for telling the truth.

We have also had a lot of family support . The old neighbours still said hello to us and that but my paranoid state took over and I moved which is a decision I regret . I truly want to go home but I don't want to start all the gossips again si I'll be staying where I am. I can totally relate to you saying the whole thing has brought you all closer because that's exactly how I feel. We were all very close before this but now there's not a fag paper between us all.

How on earth a judge would think that it will help your son to get over being raped by sending him to prison us beyond me. Surely dishing out a community sentence and getting him help to deal with past abuse would make much more sense. I truly hope they see sense tomorrow and your boy walks out of court and goes home with you as he needs support rather than punishment. It's unlikely he will get any help in prison. The waiting list was long before the virus for help and courses but it's gone through the roof since the virus began. My son has been there coming on three years and he's number 167 on the list for a course he's supposed to do.



Sadly, I didn't know this forum existed until after my son went to prison but I did gave family support which helped. Not one lady on here expects to ever need to be here but as you say, here we are, left to pick up the pieces x

Hi Niceanna

It so unfair isn't it . I'm sure it was your post I read regarding the sentencing. I have had everyone saying to me today oh it's his first offence and there's only one picture and the chat over a month . But I'm fat too cynical now . How is your son coping ? So will he do the full 4 years ? X you're so so strong x

Hi Scrappy

your right to expect the worst and hope for the best. That way it will be a lively surprise if things go right tomorrow.

my son went in front of the parole board last November and got given his parole. I had obtained a second residence that he could come home to because I have my grandson two or three nights a week and I knew the address where I take my grandson would not be cleared because grandson sleeps over.

Anyway, parole was granted and he'd been given a release date. One week before that date a non disclosure got sent into the parole board which frightened us to death. Anyway, his parole was suspended for them to look into the non disclosure. It took them five months to look into it and here was the outcome, please believe me, this is exactly what happened even although I know it sounds nuts. Remember, the address in question was a new address I'd only taken on the month before.

One of the prison officers asked my son where he was going when he got released. My son told her the name of the village he was going to. Next she asked for the house number and street. He could tell her the street name but not the house number as it was new. She then asked him to tell her the postcode of the property. He could not answer that as he had no need while in prison to memorise it. She then asked him to reel of the first property address. Bearing in mind he had been writing to us over two and a half years so he could reel those details of no problem.

The prison officer put a disclosure into the parole board stating she thought our son was lying about where he was going to live or that he was confused about where he was going to live. Neither statement was true. My son knew where he was going, he just couldn't reel off the new postcode without going to his cell to get it where he had written it down. What's worse is the fact that the outside social worker visited me stage new property and sat with me for an hour to make sure I knew what he'd been convicted of and was happy to have him home. I was and am offended because if they think he lied then they must think I'm lying to.

Anyway, the non disclosure which was disclosed in the end put doubt into the parole boards mind and bang.... parole was cancelled so he will be there now until November time.

What makes it much worse is that if he does not get his course while in prison, he won't have time to do it when he comes home so don't bloody listen to them that they want to help and rehabilitate. The system while in prison is set up for failure. He's already been told that there's no way he will get the course while in there because the waiting list is to long. So, he will have spent three years six months in priso with mo help. He's had two meetings with his inside social worker in that time and two with his outside social worker and one icm meeting and that's it.The whole system is broken and I hope and pray your son spores not have Togo into the system. Much better with community based and getting help to address past issue with family support but none of that means anything behind the closed doors of a prison. I just can't wait for him to be home and us to start properly putting our lives back together x

Hi Luis

I'm sorry that idiots are sharing it on the internet. Please stop looking at the shares or reading what's being said as it will only make your distress worse than it already is. In fact, I'd recommend that you come of social media until it dies down which believe me it will. They will move on in a few days and in a week or two it will be old news. I've never used social media in my life so I never had to read what people were saying but I do know from my daughter that my sons article was shared 79 times. That seems a lot but I've since learned that's not really a lot as some things are being shared hundreds of times.

How is your dad coping? Have you spoken to your dad about what you have read in the paper? He's the one that can fully explain everything to you. Transparency and honesty is a must when you find yourself in this situation. Do you live with your mum and dad or away from home? How are your family members reacting? Just shock or shock and anger? What sentence did he get?



How is your mum holding up? It must be very hard for her right now. Do you think she was aware of everything that was said in court or would she have been as surprised as you were to learn things you didn't know?



you must feel right now that your in an impossible situation that's never going to get better but it will get better with time. In the end, some family and friends will stand by your family and some won't. The ones that won't don't matter because if they won't stand by you and your mum when neither of you have done wrong then they really are not worth having in your life.

I suggest you call the helpline if you need to, come off social media for a bit if you feel it's bringing you further down and keep coming here for support as and when you need to. This will get better but it safely needs time to go through a process before it does get better. Look after yourself x

Hi Luis

itsntje sheer desperation of it all . Just put one foot in front of the other and keep going x be strong

Niceanna

it all seems so unfair doesn't it . I've not slept much. I do think it will be a custodial today I will let you know later x thanks for chatting yesterday it really helped to know you understand x